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Eddie007 · Nov 7, 2006, 02:45 PM

Hello there, I need some help please.

I love my girlfriend whom I want to marry. We are fixing to get engaged in the next year and get married the year after.

I love her a lot and I try to reserve telling her that so not to weaken the three magic words. However, she tells me she loves me and expresses her love towards me everyday, most of the day. I like it, I just don't know how to run from responding to her loving statements anymore. I feel guilty for not saying " I love you too" etc...

I tell her I love her too and more than she can imagine, but I want to stop or at least minimize it so it will still mean something. How do I do that when she puts me at the front line by telling me she loves me and waits for my reply?
Thank you.

DrJ · Nov 7, 2006, 02:53 PM

You don't.

She likely has a bit of a self-confidence issue and needs to be reassured of your love everyday. What is wrong with that anyway? Voicing the words (when you MEAN it in your heart) will only give more power to them. There isn't a limit to how many times you can say that until it doesn't mean anything anymore. As long as you are saying it for the right reason.

If you were saying that to every woman you dated or anything, THEN you are using it for different true meanings and then, it would start to lose its value for the person whom you really love.

Most women need constant re-affirmation and reassurance of your love. Say it to her always... beat her to the punch and say it first. Do what you can to show her how much you love her, as much as you can.

Gazzy · Nov 7, 2006, 03:11 PM

Hes right, tell here you love her just as much, there's some people in this world who want to tell the one they love those three words that can't... i.e.. Me lol.

Eddie007 · Nov 7, 2006, 03:17 PM

Well, I have managed in my past to lose some girls due to me being a soft guy and too much of a nice guy. I cared too much for them when they loved me and I made sure to tell them I loved them just as much or more, but I ended up sitting in the bench yelling out I love You to her just passing by when she makes no notice of it at all. I strongly now believe that Men should not express their feelings verbally just as much as women do because it creates a challenge for them and women love challenge. This way they tend to stick longer, not only that, but also these Three Words are much needed at the right time (screw up times, for example)

Sorry, forgot to state my what I need help with: How do I find a way to not reply to her saying I Love You without hurting her and without having her worry that I don't love her.

scotchtape · Nov 7, 2006, 03:46 PM

If she says that she loves you and you just sit there, then she's going to worry that you don't love her and it will probably upset her. I know that's how I would react, anyway. Trust me - we love to hear you guys say that you love us. It makes us feel special.

I just don't think there's a way to not saying it without having an adverse reaction. If you feel it, SAY IT.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 7, 2006, 03:56 PM

You have a long way to go if you have bought into that macho male image.

Your relationship with a past girl is that the past, if you are trying to compare them, don't, it does not work, every person is different with differnet needs and wants and desires.

If you do not talk and express how you feel and if you are not totally yourself. Then no relatoinship will work. If you are always really macho, then great but if you love to express yourself that is great and normally better.

When you leave and part, do so like that is the last time you will ever see her. Believe me it can happen, The last words I had with my first wife was hard bitter words, she died before I could tell her how I really felt. There is no second chance to do it right at times.

And if you really mean it, it does not ever cheapen it by saying it.

Eddie007 · Nov 7, 2006, 04:13 PM

I want to thank you all for your input, but I do want to clarify something. I did not mean to implicate that I never wanted to tell her I loved her. In fact, she is very very dear to me and I don't want to lose her. I just don't want her to lose appreciation and value of these powerful words. I defenitely want her to know I love her by actions and a-once-in-a-while I love you from me. My problem is when she says it to me too often, I am left with no choice but to reply. How can get out of answering her?

Thanks so much.

Homie · Nov 7, 2006, 04:28 PM

Eddie,
You have to explain how you feel about the words. If you feel saying it as often as she does cheapens the meaning behind the words, then those are valid feelings. It sounds as if she needs some sort of constant verbal reassurance. But she needs to understand that love is an action, it is not a word or a phrase. And talking about it really does cheapen it. So, just very nicely tell her that you don't feel the need to exchange "I Love You"'s at the end of every conversation or parting. Also, accepting that someone is in love with you and not needing constant assurance of that love is a sign of a mature and trusting relationship.

aqua@home · Nov 7, 2006, 06:02 PM

Well I don't think you are going to weaken the words by saying them too much.

I think you need to be honest. If this woman is going to be your wife then you need to be able to talk openly and honestly with her always. Be kind and loving and I'm sure she will understand.

DrJ · Nov 7, 2006, 07:13 PM

Ok, you are dealing with some of the more fine dynamics of "attraction". Study up. I am a firm believer in "game". (NOTE: I did not say that I like to "play games"). The game exists whether people choose to recognize it or not. It exists on a subconcious level and can be tapped into if you know "how to play".

There is no simple answer and the answer will differ between different types of men and different types of women. Your past relationships could be a lesson to you... unfortunately, you don't want to test too many different things on "the one". That is what casual dating and flirting is for... to learn what works for you and what you can make work.

Also, understand that the loss of attraction that may have happened in your past relationships may not be directly attributed to the overuse of those "three words".

Dig around in the relationship section of this forum and you will find some of the gold you are looking for.

cotton_c4ndy · Nov 8, 2006, 12:01 AM

I'm a woman.. but I can understand what he's trying to say..
Basically man love challenges.. deep in the nature of their manhood.. did say so..
A woman who's trying to be affectionate or saying "i love u" all the time just as a cockatoo... really become a big TURN OFF
I don't mean to discourage other girl about this... cause I've been through this phase too...

The most important thing.. u have to tell her your true feeling... take a moment... and then talk to heart... heart to heart... tell her that you love her with all your heart.. and all that you need is her trust... tell her the truth reason why you want her to reduce saying I love you...
Marriage needs lots of understanding and sacrifice...

This is a very small matter so I hope you don't make it really a big deal...
Moreover... its good to know that someone loves you so much right? :)
Hope your problem will be solved...