[jennyjen]

A couple has a huge intense fight Tuesday morning. The problem is: the guy's ex who is harassing both the guy and the girl by spamming their Email Inboxes with a ton of nasty manipulative emails. The ex has also been sending the guy pics and videos of her naked. Don't worry, the guy told her to stop but she didn't and just started doing it more. However, the ex is definitely sending more emails to the girl and they're a lot meaner. The guy and girl have been fighting for some time over this, but never had a fight this intense about it. It is mostly the girls fault for overreacting.

At the end of this fight, the guy says to the girl "I dont want to be with you anymore" at the end, due to some hurtful things she said. The girl admits she loves him at the end of the fight, she has never said I love you before, but she was agreeing with him that they needed to break up. However, she changed her mind for sure later that day and thinks they broke up due to the intense emotions of the fight, as she and him were both extremely pissed and upset. She leaves a few messages saying how profusely sorry she is and how she meant it when she said she loved him. He says "i can't talk today ill call you later, on Friday" since he's very stressed out over it.

The girl messes up and texts him a few times and calls a few times, again saying she's sorry on Wed and Thurs, before they're suppose to have a talk. She did this because she was stressed out and needed to get it out, but then realizes it was a mistake and she was just pushing him away.

Today, Friday the day they're suppose to talk, the guy texts saying "im sorry, i can't be with you, dont want to talk, just want it to be over" The girl goes to his house to talk. Both the guy and girl are very stressed out and crying for most of the time they're talking, but of course the girl is crying a lot more. The girl explains herself and why the fight started (her reacting to a manipulative email of the ex) asking several times for another chance. The guy messed up previously a few months ago and the girl gave him a chance, and the guy stopped what he was doing before and then everything was fine. The girl points this out and says she will stop doing what has made him mad and that she's sorry she stressed him out even by more contacting him when he needed space. But to please give her another chance. The guy says no and wants her to leave. The guy explains how upset he has been recently. The girl keeps asking for a chance and says with this problem that caused them to fight being out of the way, the ex, (they both blocked her and decided if they saw an email from her they wouldn't open it) that they'll be fine since they don't have any other problems in their relationship.

Towards the end of the fight, the guy starts saying "I just can't be with you right now, I need to not have a girlfriend right now" and keeps saying this is stressing him out too much. He says he'll call next week. The girl says "No, you're saying that to get me to leave" and the guy responds "I'll call u next week" The girl doesn't believe him. Towards the middle of the fight, the guy said he needed a few weeks but he also said "i can't be with you" many times more. The girl said bitterly says "Ok, well maybe you should email your ex and let her know she won" and leaves

Im the girl. Ive deleted his phone number (which I don't have memorized) off my phone so I won't be tempted to call him or text him during this next week. But honestly even if I didn't delete his number, at this point Im way too terrified to try to contact him at all.

Maybe Im being negative but I see no hope. Im frustrated, because one of the times I left a message on Wed I said "if you arent calm enough to talk Friday, its fine, take all the time you need" and he didn't tell me he needed more time. I can't tell if he knows he's going to tell me its really over in a week or just needs time to think. Do you have any insights?

He said he didn't want to give me another chance, because breaking up with me a second time would be too painful. Obviously, he doesn't believe me when I said Id stop overreacting about his ex. I changed my email and blocked her, and if she does find a way to contact me again I won't bother with her. I said I was 100% sure I wouldn't overreact or start fights anymore and I really meant it. I am not giving up on this relationship. He is perfect other than this thing with his ex, like I told him during the fight. That's why if we are going to really break up, Im going to be heartbroken, because Im so happy with him other than his ex. But I don't think he believes me, he thinks Ill keep overreacting. I told him not let his ex win, which he is letting her do, because she is just trying to break us up and get back with him. He knows she's trying to do this.

If I really give him his space and don't talk to him at all this week, will this be 1) a getting back together call? Or 2) is he just postponing breaking up with me again.

If it's the 2nd one I don't understand- he said breaking up with me a second time would be too painful. But, he said he'd call next week. I don't think I can deal all week having hope, and then he just officially tells me its over. Does this mean there's a small chance hed give me another chance and that's why he said hed call next week?

[EliseLynn]

Critically look at yourself - If you can't control yourself from post-break-up stalking can you control yourself if you get him back?

It is hard to tell you to get a hold of yourself, because emotions can take hold of all of us.

He obviously still has feelings for you, and you do him. But is he looking at the situation through clearer eyes? Would you both be better off without? What will happen next time something bad goes wrong? I once read that women go into a relationship thinking a man can change, and men go into a relationship thinking that the woman never will. Did you change? Are you the same person that he fell for in the beginning?

Another thing to ask. Why do you overreact? I can tell you why, hopefully you don't hate me after :)
I can't say that people like drama. But there is one thing that drama does do - raise the heart rate, which the body does like. If you were brought up watching a troubled relationship, you may be attracted only to what you know. And when thing aren't troublesome you may, not on purpose, be starting arguments... when he needs your support. I have a friend who I identified as this type. She will create dramatic situations. I got her to talk about it over coffee and her "ah-ha" moment was in realizing that she is so used to things going wrong, that she would rather create something than the stress of waiting. But I'll tell you, you deserve a happy life filled with things worth remembering. And he deserves a woman by his side, not cat fighting with someone he's trying to get rid of.

So is there a chance? Absolutely. But can you really promise it won't happen again?

A past love of mine dumped me, I flipped out over the seemingly inappropriate contact he had with his ex. A week later I had flowers delivered to him and a card that said I miss you. No long winded dramatic note, no cd with love songs, no picture of us happy. Nothing over the top. Just flowers. He called soon after and said he may be free for lunch. It's not guaranteed to work for you but he later admitted no woman had ever done that, and how much it meant.
LOL BUT QUIT STALKING HIM BABE!

[jennyjen]

Ok, I liked everything you said except the part about "stalking"

QUIT STALKING HIM BABE?

Seriously? How is talking to him when I said Id give him space stalking? Many girls do that I know Im not alone. I also said I knew I made a mistake with that and I wasn't going to contact him now. I did not stalk him whatsoever and Id rather someone reply who doesn't say overgeneralized things.

[Gemini54]

Sounds like the ex is still too much in his life (and yours) and he's stressed out by the ex's spamming and the big fight that you had. Yes, he's upset and perhaps you overlooked that when you started to fight.

He needs space, and so do you I reckon. Try not to second guess his motives and whether he's going to break up with you. Chances are if you give him space, and some time to think, he'll calm down and reconsider.

Give some thought to strategies which will help you not overreact. Counting to 10 is useful! It's stressful for you and him, and as you've learned - not good for the relationship.

Good luck.

[s2tp]

I agree with Elise and Gemini on everything they have said; however, I don't think you have stalked him... in fact I commend you for deleting his number because you knew you might try to call or text... good job on that one, I know it can be hard to have that self control when you feel so emotional and guilty- wanting to say or do anything to fix it..

At this point your guy definitely needs space. He has been overwhelmed between you and his ex and he just doesn't have it in him to deal with it all... so be sure to give him all the space he needs!

Now for you- try your best not to sit and wait for a phone call, text or email... EVEN after a week has passed! I know I know.. its going to be difficult to not let the negative thoughts come into mind, but if you find strength within yourself to not let those thoughts consume you, you will feel stronger each day that goes by.

So in the meantime try to find something to bide your time.. something that will make you happy and give you time to reflect as well. Me- I like to take road trips like a few days ago I drove out to this awesome ride and hike and just got myself away from everybody and everyone so I could have a clear mind... stuff like that usually helps me a lot, but maybe you can't do that and so maybe just a visit to a pet shelter, or going to a really fancy store to window shop... something outside of your everyday life is what I recommend..

So when and... yes IF.. he contacts you again, you will have grown as a person and you will be calmer and more able to communicate with him.

... I hope this helps a little bit and best wishes!

[EliseLynn]

:) I don't mean stalking like hanging out in the bushes. Just calling when you tell yourself not to. I could have used a better word.