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sunshineinapril · Nov 2, 2009, 06:04 PM

My ex-girlfriend and I have a son who is 11 yrs old. A paternity test was given at birth or shortly after and I was postively the child's father. This girl has told me she would change my sons last name to give him my surname or last name because he currently carries her last name. I pay childsupport and medical support like I am supposed to and I have a good relationship with my son but she refuses to change his name so he can have my last name. I am sad. I want all my children to have my surname as it is very rare. She has also refused to add me to the birthcertificate. I am not familiar with the law in regards to these matters, but it feels like I have no rights as his father. The state of Texas has me on childsupport but has also never issued me proper visitation papers. For now I only get him when she says it's OK. I went to the court house to see if perhaps there were some orders there in archives and there were none. I went to court recently on a review and they increased my child support and medical support but they would'nt hear me at all. They told me "we are not here for that". So I am just supposed to sit at home and abide by the law as it interfears with my life. I have no rights, although I pay child support in their eyes I am a dead beat dad and I am tired of it. When my sone was little his mother took him to California without my knowledge. She stayed there for 5 years and even though I didn't have any money I looked for my son. I would call the childsupport place and they would simpily say "we can't give you any info". So how was I supposed to see my son if I had no phone number and had no clue about their whereabouts?What about the emotional distress and anguish she put me through? What about me and my rights too see my son. Those were the toughest years of my life but of course the system does not care about that.I have no rights.My exsistence is to provide for my son and expect to settle for a slight relationship with him. I can't understand how this could happen. They say the best intersest of the children, but really it's just in the best interest of the mother, anything to keep them off welfare.

JudyKayTee · Nov 2, 2009, 06:57 PM

This is a question/answer board - what is your exact question?

You need to go back to Court and file for visitation - if the Court won't listen to you, you need to retain an Attorney.

I don't understand why the Court treats you like a deadbeat Dad if you are up to date on your support.

You have rights as the father but you need the Court to get them enforced.

Did the Court do an evaluation of all of the parties, including your son?

Why did it take you so long to want to get your son's last name changed to yours? I believe the Court is not going to order that now.

shelby4632 · Nov 2, 2009, 07:55 PM

Originally Posted by sunshineinapril

My ex-girlfriend and I have a son who is 11 yrs old. A paternity test was given at birth or shortly after and I was postively the childs father. This girl has told me she would change my sons last name to give him my surname or last name because he currently carries her last name. I pay childsupport and medical support like I am supposed to and I have a good relationship with my son but she refuses to change his name so he can have my last name. I am sad. I want all my children to have my surname as it is very rare. She has also refused to add me to the birthcertificate. I am not familiar with the law in regards to these matters, but it feels like I have no rights as his father. The state of Texas has me on childsupport but has also never issued me proper visitation papers. For now I only get him when she says it's ok. I went to the court house to see if perhaps there were some orders there in archives and there were none. I went to court recently on a review and they increased my child support and medical support but they would'nt hear me at all. They told me "we are not here for that". So I am just supposed to sit at home and abide by the law as it interfears with my life. I have no rights, although I pay child support in their eyes I am a dead beat dad and I am tired of it. When my sone was little his mother took him to California without my knowledge. She stayed there for 5 years and even though I didn't have any money I looked for my son. I would call the childsupport place and they would simpily say "we can't give you any info". So how was I supposed to see my son if I had no phone number and had no clue about their whereabouts?What about the emotional distress and anguish she put me through? What about me and my rights too see my son. Those were the toughest years of my life but of course the system does not care about that.I have no rights.My exsistence is to provide for my son and expect to settle for a slight relationship with him. I can't understand how this could happen. They say the best intersest of the children, but really it's just in the best interest of the mother, anything to keep them off of welfare.

I so understand where you are coming from. My son is going through a similar situation now. There are some Father's Advocate services that will direct you at low or even no cost. Research the web. I contacted 2 in my state. Some offer many services and believe me they will educate you and give you their honest opinion of what you can expect. Father's have had a bad rap , there are father's that want to be there for the children , but the mother's are only interested in the $ signs. Some laws are changing.. it is a slow process . Each state have there own guidelines , researchy you state laws and then take advantage of "Free Consultations". I have learned that an attorney specializing in Family Law will be the better choice. Good Luck.

ScottGem · Nov 2, 2009, 08:37 PM

Have you ever thought of hiring an attorney to protect and enforce your rights? Sounds to me like you have been passively going through life, NOT pressing your rights. At the original support hearing a visitation order should have been set. As for the name, you may never get that as it's the mother's choice. But if you have a good relationship, he may decide to change it when he becomes 18.

The rights are there, but you have to fight for them.

sunshineinapril · Nov 2, 2009, 08:52 PM

I have fought. Maybe I have been a bit passive Scott and believed in her a little too much. She now has 4 kids by three different married men and has had a every plastic surgery procedure you can imagine. She lives off everyone's childsupport.It's pretty bad.

ScottGem · Nov 2, 2009, 08:55 PM

Did you hire an attorney? Have you filed a petition in Family Court for visitation rights? If you haven't done either of those things, then I would not say you have done much fighting.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 2, 2009, 09:01 PM

There will never be any "papers" unless you have them written up and file them in court and have a hearing on chld visitation. When the mother filed for custody and support the first time,that is when you are suppose to also file for visit. And often the court will work out a parenting plan, that draws out all of the issues of who has or does what.

It appears you are not asking the court property, you do that by filing motions with the court to be heard and ruled on.