[leo-parisi]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 3 months. We started as friends, with no expectations of anything more. But we spent so much time together and became very close. All of her friends and all of mine told us we were perfect for each other. I fought all the feelings I had for her until I couldn't anymore. Finally I told her how I felt about her and to my surprise she told me she felt it too. Things started slow, we promised each other we wouldn't move to fast. She recently got out of a long, not so good relationship, and I myself am divorced. I know we moved fast but we talked about it and made the adjustments when necessary. Things seemed good and we were happy, until a few days ago when she told me she just needed a few days a week to herself. I agreed but it still hurt me a bit. We talked about it and seemed like we had come to an agreement. The next day things seemed okay, but I know she could tell I was having trouble figuring it out. That night we had our first big argument. It was small compared to some couples but it hurt more than anything I have ever been through. She told me she was going to spend the weekend with some friends she hadn't seen in a while and I told her that was fine. I still dreaded going home alone and spending the weekend without her. Later that night she texted me to tell me what she was doing and I responded by telling her "Great. Have a good time. Be careful." She responded "Will do." and that was the last I have heard from her. It's been 2 days now with no call or text or anything. I have no idea what is going on. She told me she needed space, so I decided to give her space. But is it normal for her not to call me in that time? This is the longest we have gone without contact since we met each other. Should I make the first move, or should I let her? She told me she still wants to see me but she just needs space. What do I do? I am heart broken. Please help.

[talaniman]

My friend, leave her alone to have fun, and instead of being heart broken, and lonely, get a life before you smother her with your neediness.

A text to let her know you miss her and that's all, is enough. And don't sit and stew if she takes time to reply, don't even wait for it.

This is an adjustment you have to make.

[redhed35]

Before you were in this relationship what did you do?

Did you have friends?

Pursue interests?

You had the freedom to do whatever you wanted.

You had space to breathe.

I'm sure she felt the same,its all well and good to get caught up in a new relationship in the beginning,playing house every weekend,but the fact is this is a new relationship and you both need time and space apart...

As the relationship grows and you become more secure you and she will be able to spend time apart without wondering 'is it all over'

Be secure in your relationship and know that you can't make someone want you,they do or they don't.

Give the space and freedom when things are good,so they never have to seek it.

Leave her off let her have fun,you do the same,when you meet up you will have loads to talk about.

[leo-parisi]

So should I send a text? Or should I wait longer? We had plans to see each other tonight, but now I wonder if I text her first will I scare her off? Thanks for the help so far but I still have lingering questions.

[talaniman]

" Are we still on for Tonight?". That's enough.

[Cat1864]

If you have a date for tonight, send a text or better yet call and confirm the time you are picking her up. If she makes her excuses then you know to give her more time and space.

You said that she just got out of a bad relationship (For women that usually means the man was controlling in some way. Was that the case in her last relationship?) not too long ago. Give her time to realise that you aren't like her ex.

[leo-parisi]

She was in a relationship with a guy who just didn't care about her. He never made an effort at all. Her friends all told her he treated her poorly. She said she liked the fact that I enjoyed being with her and took the initiative to do things. We made a promise to each other not to get into a routine. Maybe we did a little bit but we realized it when we did and made an effort to change that. I'm going to call her just to see if we are still on. And if not I will give her more space. Any other advice is welcome. Thanks guys. The responses have been fast. This is my first time posting on a site like this, and I really appreciate all the advice.

[I wish]

You don't set a deadline on how long to wait. She will contact you when she's ready.

Go do your own thing so that you don't have to sit by the phone waiting for her.

[none12345]

You were her rebound after a long distance relationship now she just wants her space. You don't wait for her. If she decides you are who she wants to be with, than go from there. Meanwhile if you have dates and etc, you shouldn't hold it off just for her.

[leo-parisi]

Well I sent a text asking if we were still on for tonight. She responded back "lets go for a walk" which is something we always do together and always enjoy. It is how we came together. I simply replied, "okay, sounds good." am I doing this right? What do you guys think? Does that sound hopeful?

[redhed35]

Yes... sounds good.

Ask how her night went and keep things easy and light,enjoy her company..

Instead of assuming your going to spend time together,ask if she is free for a specific time.

[leo-parisi]

I know it will be difficult to keep it light but I feel like that's what I have to do right now. When we first stated out, it was just good and easy. Obviously I know this is how it always starts. I was married for 8 years. But I think that if I seem to focused on the serious stuff tonight I will just drive her further away. I want things to be like they were even if that means things are like they were. Just easy and enjoyable. Maybe this is a step in the right direction? Maybe this is what we need right now. She told me the last night we talked that she hadn't had a chance to miss me since we started seeing each other because we were always together. Maybe I didn't really have that chance either.

[Cat1864]

Enjoy your walk. See what happens.

You both need to remember to not get so involved with each other that you lose your individual identities. Encourage her and yourself to be involved in things outside the relationship like friends and hobbies. It helps keep both of you mentally and emotionally strong enough to build a healthy relationship.

Remember that communication is a big part of working together. Try to keep discussions open and honest with both parties taking turns talking and listening. It may work out it-it may not, but you know that you tried. If nothing else, it is a lesson to take forward into the next relationship.

[leo-parisi]

Thank you Cat1864. I know you don't know me but the fact that you care enough to give me advice means the world to me. The past few days have been very difficult for me. I knew they would be. But I feel a lot better today. Much of that is because of you. Thank you again. I will keep you posted.

[emopunk7]

I don't know about everyone else here, but what I get is that she is giving up... if she feels this way now it will just get worse and continue I think. If I'm so interested in someone, would I care about being with them a lot... I sure wouldn't... Maybe that's just me... Sounds like excuses to me and I'd say move on now since its only been 3 months.

[leo-parisi]

Just to update you guys... we went for a walk. Instead of meeting her at her house and going from there, we met at the place where we used to meet before we used to meet before when we were just friends. I knew at that moment what was going to happen. She told me she had sometime to think and was just not ready to be in a relationship right now. We started as best friends and I grew to love her as a person. She told me that she loved me to but right now she just needed to be friends. I will tell you it was difficult and painful and for two days now I have been wondering what I could have done differently but I can honestly say that I love her enough to want to still be her friend. She was always there for me when I needed her. I just want her to be happy. She did text me last night to see how I was doing. I am just going to put my game face on and be strong. But I do love her. I guess we will see what happens.

[leo-parisi]

Cat1864, I'm curious to see what you think. Am I doing the right thing?

[I wish]

There's no right or wrong here. She said that she no longer wants a relationship with you, so you have to accept and respect her wishes.

If she's no longer willing to continue the relationship with you, then you should put some distance from her so that you can start recovering. If you keep talking to her, you will continue to have false hope and over-analyze everything she says.

Wait until you've fully recovered from the break up before you continue your friendship with her. That way, you will feel more collected, objective and refreshed. If you were really best friends before, then it should be easy to pick up the friendship from where it left off after you've healed.

[madeupname]

Face reality... usually when a woman says she needs space, that is only half of the statement... the complete sentence is, "I need some space, from you"... I mean face it, how many people in your life that you really and truly adore and love do you want to be away from? I'd play it cool and say that you were thinking the same thing, that you needed space as well. Don't be needy. Be a challenge and don't call her/text/write her at all. In fact if she contacts u, don't be so available by responding right away. Wait a day, or better yet two, then respond with a "sorry for the delay, been a bit busy, but i'll call u in a couple days"... make her wonder and be challenge!

[gypsy666]

How did it go ?