[akml09]

I met this guy (we will call him Mr. X) we dated for a little over 3 months. Things didn't work out because he was going through a divorce (started before I met him). After we broke up Mr. X's best friend (we will call him Mr. Z) started calling me and we started dating. 3 years later I am married to Mr. Z and we have a brand new baby boy. Recently Mr. X has started coming around (with his new girl friend) and hanging out with us. Everything was going good until I text Mr. X asking him if he left his jacket at our house. We started texting silly stuff back and fourth. Then then he started talking about the past. I shouldn't have but I answered his questions and reminised with him. I remember how into him I was and I found out that he was really into me. (Just bad timing with the divorce) then he told me he was still attracted to me. I haven't told my husband (Mr. Z) but I'm scared I still might have feelings for Mr. X. I love my husband with all my heart but we are having some marital problems. I know I shouldn't cheat but what do I do with these old feelings for my husbands BEST friend (my ex boyfriend)??

[jmjoseph]

You should go hug your baby boy and work things out with his daddy.

Stop being naughty with Mr X. and behave like a married woman. Who has a baby.

Do you want to lose your husband?

No more "text flirting".

[Cat1864]

Take a step back and realize that the past is the past.

From what you are saying it isn't the man himself that you are attracted to at the moment but the way you felt about him years ago when things were simpler for you. If it were the man, it wouldn't have taken texts and reminiscing to bring up those feelings. It sounds like you are seeing greener grass because your own yard needs tending.

Marriages take a lot of work in the best of times. Work on your marriage. Put the energy that you are thinking about putting into a relationship with X back into your marriage with Z. Ignore X and leave him to his girlfriend.

[Jake2008]

It's all about self control. Why do you doubt yours.

It is not okay to text the ex, and it is not okay to go back in time to make yourself feel better because you are having marital difficulties.

Marriage is about overcoming barriers, and problems- together. It isn't about wondering if life might be better with someone from the past, and skip the obligation entirely to working on the problems in your own marriage.

Don't use this as an excuse to keep texting the ex. It doesn't wash.

It is a classic example of someone who puts blame upon their mate, in order to justify considering another man.

Block his number, stop this nonsense, and grow up. You are a wife, and a mother to a new child. Your ex's partner has good reason to worry if she comes across your texts to your husband.

[Catsmine]

X - single, fancy free, few worries if any.

Z - marriage, parenthood, responsible for the whole world.

Revisiting one's youth is fun once in a while. You cannot go back, however, and those that try regret it every time.

[amicon]

You're married. You have a newborn-stop stepping away from your responsibilities and stop texting the ex.

[Gemini54]

Oh for heaven's sake grow up! So an ex-BF comes into your life and you start getting all Google eyed again. What are you 15 years old?

I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but you're married and he has a GF. He's an absolute player and an idiot to be even giving the impression that he still likes you. And, he's trying to cuckold his best friend. How dare he! Would you trust a man like this and throw away a marriage to someone you love and your baby for this irresponsible 'don juan'? He's trouble with a capital T.

Leave him alone and put some energy into the people that you love. You may be having marriage difficulties - we all do - but the best marriages are those where we face difficulties with love and the certainty that we will work thought them. Redirect your feelings towards your husband and put some effort into reestablishing your connection with him.

Tell the other guy in no uncertain terms that his advances are not welcome.

[akml09]

I just want to make it very clear to everyone. I would NEVER cheat on my husband nor would I walk away from responsibilities. I love my husband and my child they are the reason I'm asking for advice. I have to be able to do away with these feelings because I see Mr. X almost every weekend. I don't want my husband to lose his best friend because they are like brothers. But I don't want to have feelings toward him either. I need to know how to make these feelings go away?

[Gemini54]

No one is suggesting that you're going to cheat on your husband.

They are suggesting however that the conversations you have with your ex are totally inappropriate. If he's your husbands BEST friend, why is he talking to you about still being attracted to you? What sort of a 'brother' is that?

He needs to know from you that these sort of conversations are not welcome and that you are totally committed to your husband. Perhaps you and the new baby can go elsewhere for a couple of weekends and you can visit your girlfriends or family.

[Jake2008]

What you need to do about these feelings you have toward man#2, is realize that it is infatuation. It is not love.

Infatuation puts you in a place where you feel a very strong attraction to another man, that is not real. But, it feels good, it lifts you up, it is exciting, new and satisfying, because the attraction is probably mutual.

What is real is that he is 'just' a man. He puts his pants on one leg at a time. He is no better, or worse, than any other millions upon millions of men that line the planet, and go through life one day at a time. He gets hungry, he gets bored, he has sex with his wife, he cuts the grass, he pays his bills, shaves every morning and soaks his teeth in a glass beside his bed every night.

Think of him as an onion. Peel away the layers, and layer by layer, you are left with 'just' a man. But this man, has decided to cross the line, and re-kindle and explore a little fantasy with you- the 'what if' fantasy. You reciprocate, and before you know it, both of you are doing this little game behind your respective spouses' backs.

He may have started it, but you need to step up and put a stop to it. Just stop it. Period.

You are not special. Many countless others have also gone down this 'harmless' path of the 'what if fantasy', and found themselves making excuses and lying to their husbands and wives that they have to run an errand. Only to take that next step and meet each other at a hotel, or out of the way spot. That leads to more fantasies, more lies, more deception, more chats, more texts, more deceipt, more broken marriage vows, more self-gratifying trysts, more more more!

It doesn't end, if you don't stop it- now. Realize that you are playing a very dangerous game. Keep your feelings to yourself. Do not encourage him, do not return texts, show a little respect for his girlfriend, and your husband when they come over, and not allow yourself to indulge in any emotion that takes you away from reality.

Make a list of pros and cons, for him, and for your husband and son. Be honest. List the attributes, characteristics, personality traits, integrity, honesty, of each man. List what you admire about your husband, and what you admire in #2. What are the pros and cons of carrying on this game.

Who is going to win, and who is going to lose. While you still have control over yourself, take a long drink of reality before you destroy everything that is good and decent in your life, because if you don't, you will regret it.

[akml09]

Last night I told Mr. X that I loved my husband and that no longer would I entertain his questions or suggestions. I didn't want to know anything about how he felt. I told my husband everything and he understood and we are working on our relationship

[Jake2008]

I am very proud of you. As a wife and woman, you've made my day!

You stopped it before it got out of hand, and confided in your husband (which took a lot of courage), and dropped #2. I think that's awesome.

You are so much better to do what you have done, and I hope that you feel some relief and that you can rest easy knowing that you have chosen the right path, with your husband.

[Cat1864]

Last night I told Mr. X that I loved my husband and that no longer would I entertain his questions or suggestions. I didn't want to know anything about how he felt. I told my husband everything and he understood and we are working on our relationship

That is probably the healthiest thing you could have done for your peace of mind and your marriage.

Good luck working things out and building a stronger relationship.

[Gemini54]

Last night I told Mr. X that I loved my husband and that no longer would I entertain his questions or suggestions. I didn't want to know anything about how he felt. I told my husband everything and he understood and we are working on our relationship

Well done!

[talaniman]

Feelings don't go away, you handle them, by staying within the boundaries of good behavior, and cussing this guy out for crossing the line, and disrespecting your MAN, and you, and your marriage, with inappropriate bad behavior, then you make sure you ignore him.

That's what a mature married adult would do. If your husband notices, and ask what's up, you tell him what he did, and what you did about it.

That's not hard to do, is it?