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14dmn · Oct 29, 2009, 05:27 PM

Here's what's going on and if anybody can put in their opinion that would be awesome :). So a couple years ago I got hurt very badly and would thought I would not be able to accept someone into my life quite like her again. I'm still wary of investing to many feelings into anything but for the most part everything I felt for her has dissolved away with time. That includes several rebound girls. A month ago my employer hired a girl who I found myself able to get close with fairly quickly. To put it briefly I like her. I can't tell if she likes me though. Her first few weeks she mentioned that she had a boyfriend so I backed off a bit and she asked me about my girlfriend (currently single) but before I could reply she walked off. :confused: she constantly flirts with me but the problem is she has a flirty personality and seems to flirt with other guys, However I'm the only one she is physical with. She constatly hits me and gives me playful dirty looks. I don't know if that's just her personality or if she actually likes me. She also apears to blush when I look at her directly like in the eyes. That and when she's being playfully mean I tell her to say what she has to say to my face and she is never able to keep a straight face. She's told me that we ought to have a movie night once but there's the little question of her boyfriend. What should I do. I mean I'm almost certain she likes me. :)

jaime90 · Oct 29, 2009, 06:46 PM

It's awesome that you've moved on from that painful break-up you had a couple years ago, and I can tell you're eager to get into a relationship again. But, this girl has a boyfriend, meaning she is off-limits. Would you like it if you were dating her and she was flirting with a guy at work? Of course not! Would you like her setting up movie nights, giving dirty looks to guys (not just you, but apparently other guys at work too)? I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate that at all.
You mentioned that she just doesn't flirt with you, she flirts with other guys too- it's just more "serious" flirting with you... what would happen if you got involved with this girl? Would she change her mind suddenly about her flirtatiousness? She clearly is not serious about a relationship, and you don't seem like you're that serious either- you are drawn to a woman who is being playfull with other guys right in front of you- and you're still drawn to her? I would re think some things. It's okay to be friends with her, but dating her, whether she likes you or not, is a BAD idea- it makes both of you very untrustworthy. As said before, "flirting is cheating's ugly cousin." (she's cheating, and she's cheating with you- she's saying: "It's okay to cheat!" You're saying, "It's okay to cheat with other people's girlfriends!") What would this do to a marriage?

I wish · Oct 30, 2009, 08:37 AM

It doesn't matter how many different ways you look at this, the bottom line is:

She has a boyfriend = Off limits

I wonder how her boyfriend would feel if she saw you flirting with her. Furthermore, if she breaks up with er boyfriend to be with you, then she can certainly also break up with you to be with another guy.

It sounds like you're in a rush to jump into a relationship. As for her, it just sounds like she's being friendly. Don't misinterpret her friendship has something more. She told you that she has a boyfriend, so she expects that you won't make a move. Now she feels comfortable enough to build a regular friendship.

Just keep meeting new people. Don't set yourself up for disappointment with someone who is already taken.

14dmn · Oct 30, 2009, 08:38 AM

O... K... calm down... um I kind of left out a few details I think. Her and this guy were only dating like four weeks. Also a bit of an update the reason I say were now is because I got a text from her early this morning telling me she broke up with him. And I didn't exactly say she flirts with other guys I'm saying she seems too because she has such a flirty personality. Hence why she's so hard to read, I'm just not sure she thinks of me as just another guy like the others or as something more. If not then why does she get excited when I show up or slugs me when I'm playfully mean to her. And why am I the only one there who has her number?

I wish · Oct 30, 2009, 08:43 AM

If she's dating someone else and attracted to you, don't you think she would feel guilty about it and back away from you? I highly doubt she would jepordize what she has with her boyfriend by flirting with a guy that she's attracted to.

It seems pretty clear that she feels like it's some harmless flirting with you, that's why she can do it . The fact that you're attracted to her, it makes you over-analyze all her actions and twisting them into thinking that she's attracted to you as well.

If she has a flirty personality, then she's like that with lots of other people, not just you.

14dmn · Oct 30, 2009, 09:04 AM

Again her and her boyfriend broke up. And she said she was never serious with him to begin with. But I think I'm going to trust getting advice from my friends who know more about the situation than I can describe on here. Thanks though

jaime90 · Oct 30, 2009, 09:40 AM

Well there's your answer, she said "I was never serious with him to begin with..." So... when is she going to get serious? Will she be serious with YOU, or anyone else for that matter, or is she just playing around? (they were only dating 4 weeks?? Shows how committed she is to a relationship at this point.)
The benefit of asking people on AMHD as oppose to friends is this: Everyone on here is neutral- we don't know you or this girl, we won't spread rumors or anything, and we are giving advice to the best of our knowledge based on experience, and common sense.