[JudyKayTee]

Honestly, I think it's fine for a guy to go to a strip club! My boyfriend and I sometimes for fun. It does bother me when he goes and I'm not there because he spends so much money. It makes a woman feel like they can't do it for you. I told my boyfriend that I can be his personal stripper and he liked that a lot better. It just makes them feel like they arent as good as those girls. But you got to see it from her point of view. FORGIVE BUT DONT FORGET one quote i hate but i still live by.

Disagree - I don't think it makes ALL women feel like they "don't do it for" their man. As I said, I don't have a problem with strip clubs but I'm not easily threatened by other women.

As far as forgive but don't forget - if this woman can't move on, then it's time to end the relationship. I wouldn't want to pay penance forever and/or hear about it every day.

This is about her now, not about him.

[asking]

I thought he said they were getting along fine as long as they weren't talking about it and he was the one who wanted forgiveness and didn't feel like he was getting enough of that. Did I miss something?

[Always_asking]

More about the strip club and the lie. It was the whole reasoning as to why I felt I needed to go to the strip club as if I thought she wasn't good enough. I keep telling her over and over again that it was a one time ordeal. She doesn't believe anything I say because I am so far away and she can't see what I am doing on a daily basis.

You got it, the reason I would say she would be mad would be the feeling that she is not good enough for you, you obviously do not need her (in her mind anyway), you need to find a way to let her know that she is what you need and you couldn't possibly need anything that she couldn't give you. It will always hurt her nothing can be done about that.

[JudyKayTee]

You got it, the reason i would say she would be mad would be the feeling that she is not good enough for you, you obviously do not need her (in her mind anyway), you need to find a way to let her know that she is what you need and you couldn't possibly need anything that she couldn't give you. it will always hurt her nothing can be done about that.

He's tried everything he can think of - I also don't see this is an "always" situation.

She needs to work on herself and stop blaming him - enough already. People have forgiven affairs and out of wedlock children more quickly and easily than this particular wife is forgiving a trip to a strip club.

(I have too much of a legal mind to use "always" and similar words.)

[stevetcg]

I worked for a few strip clubs outside of a military base (Ft Bragg NC) for a few years when I was stationed there. My best friend was head of security for a chain and I filled in when he had staffing shortages.

Yes, all sorts of nasty and illegal things go on at strip clubs. Some of them even involve the customers, although rarely. I also went to college and I assure you, the same things go on there. I went to a Jimmy Buffett concert... same things. Beach Party in Daytona... yup...

My point is that the strip club is irrelavant. She thinks you are cheating on her. And if she doesn't believe you aren't... time to find a woman worthy of you and your seemingly good self. Yes, I get that you have a daughter... but Dr Phil has a great quote: "A child would rather be from a broken home than in one".

[Gemini54]

He's tried everything he can think of - I also don't see this is an "always" situation.

She needs to work on herself and stop blaming him - enough already. People have forgiven affairs and out of wedlock children more quickly and easily than this particular wife is forgiving a trip to a strip club.

(I have too much of a legal mind to use "always" and similar words.)

Enough already - absolutely! What happened to forgiveness and compromise?

None and I mean NONE of us are perfect. Life is about understanding that at times we do things in our relationships that hurt the other person - but our love for each other helps us move beyond that point and grow.

Note the word 'grow'. Someone that holds on to something for a year is not interested in growth. They are interested in punishing the other person.

[Stringer]

Enough already - absolutely! What happened to forgiveness and compromise?

None and I mean NONE of us are perfect. Life is about understanding that at times we do things in our relationships that hurt the other person - but our love for each other helps us move beyond that point and grow.

Note the word 'grow'. Someone that holds on to something for a year is not interested in growth. They are interested in punishing the other person.

Absolutely.

[Princess J]

Yes he's serving his country... whilst his wife stays back home to raise their family. Which is another great service. Does she have needs? She's making an equal sacrifice! And then BAM!honey needs to play because let's face it he has needs, right? She has needs to.( I say mommy needs to get out and play while daddys out.. and see how daddy feels.. but we won't let him know.. unless she gets busted.) It's the lie,it's the distance between them,and the fact she's trying to raise THEIR family and do what's right,regardless of her *needs* otherwise we would be talking to her! I'm extremely insecure and it sounds like she is to.. u knew she would be upset. Sometimes we should sacrifice our own needs for the sake of another.. especially if we KNOW they would be hurt. Love is an ACTION not a butterfly stomach.

[slapshot_oi]

My initial reaction: she's putting the guilt on your shoulders to take it off her own because she hasn't been honest with you, and a strip club named Temptations is a perfect excuse.

No reasonable person would act this way. Something ain't right.

[JudyKayTee]

My initial reaction: she's putting the guilt on your shoulders to take it off of her own because she hasn't been honest with you, and a strip club named Temptations is a perfect excuse.

No reasonable person would act this way. Something ain't right.

You don't think a reasonable person would be upset because her husband went to a strip club and lied about it?

I question the extent of the upset and why she's so insecure about herself but that's another topic.

Maybe it's time to close this thread. Nothing constructive is being added.

[Synnen]

Yes he's serving his country...whilst his wife stays back home to raise their family. Which is another great service. Does she have needs? She's making an equal sacrafice! And then BAM!honey needs to play because let's face it he has needs, right? She has needs to.( I say mommy needs to get out and play while daddys out..and see how daddy feels..but we won't let him know..unless she gets busted.) Its the lie,its the distance between them,and the fact she's tryin to raise THEIR family and do what's right,reguardless of her *needs* otherwise we would be talking to her! I'm extremely insecure and it sounds like she is to.. u knew she would be upset. Sometimes we should sacrafice our own needs for the sake of another..especially if we KNOW they would be hurt. Love is an ACTION not a butterfly stomache.

NO one said she wasn't doing something important too.

But seriously--he went out with the guys for ONE NIGHT, and she's still upset about it a YEAR later? That smacks of either a guilty conscience on her part, or of severe insecurity.

She NEEDS to get over it for the sake of their marriage.

And I know SEVERAL military wives--NONE of them sit at home and languish while their husbands are deployed. They keep busy, and go out with each other, too.

[Always_asking]

He's tried everything he can think of - I also don't see this is an "always" situation.

She needs to work on herself and stop blaming him - enough already. People have forgiven affairs and out of wedlock children more quickly and easily than this particular wife is forgiving a trip to a strip club.

(I have too much of a legal mind to use "always" and similar words.)

Apologies if you disagree but my ex asked me to marry him and three days later left me for a striper, personally if I couldn't forgive my husband for something over a year after it has happened, its not going to happen, unless she is hit hard over the head she won't forget what has happened, if she can't forgive by now I'm afraid it will be on her mind forever, yes if she is planning on staying then it is her problem that she can not forgive him and she has to deal with that and either leave him and stop all this misery or she needs to find a solution that works for her. Everyone is not the same so there is no answer we could give this couple that would help. An its not the trip to the strip club that she is not forgiving, it's the fact that he was not upfront about it, so I see it anyway.

[smoothy]

There is absolutely nothing at all indication he has done anything wrong... nothing, I see an unreasonable, demanding and controlling woman with issues.

Doesn't matter where in Afghanistan he is... there is a risk. Some places are worse than others but the risk exists everyplace.

What's different between her getting her panties in a knot about seeing a stripper, and getting her panties in a knot because he had a few beers, "Might" get drunk and chase after women that for the most part don't want anything to do with a non-Muslim American.

For the uninformed... Afganistan is one of those places that almost exclusively practices arranged marriages. That means your parents pick your spouse... you don't. You DON'T have all the women over there dating whomever they want. I know more than a couple who were born and mostly grew up there.

Its NOT a free-for-all that exists in the US and some other countries around military bases. In fact it's the polar opposite of what the Philippines were.

[talaniman]

I think it's a simple as she uses his choice to keep him off balance, whether its through her fears and insecurities that come from his deployment, or as a control point. Doesn't matter unless she lets it go to relieve the tensions, and deal with it in a positive way for them both.

A year is a long time to have a resentment, and not deal with it.

[Stringer]

Nice summary wrap tal.

[JudyKayTee]

apologies if you disagree but my ex asked me to marry him and three days later left me for a striper, personally if i couldn't forgive my husband for something over a year after it has happened, its not going to happen, unless she is hit hard over the head she wont forget what has happened, if she can't forgive by now i'm afraid it will be on her mind forever, yes if she is planning on staying thn it is her problem that she can not forgive him and she has to deal with that and either leave him and stop all this misery or she needs to find a solution that works for her. everyone is not the same so there is no answer we could give this couple that would help. an its not the trip to the strip club that she is not forgiving, its the fact that he was not upfront about it, so i see it anyway.

He didn't LEAVE her for anyone. He went to a strip club. He wasn't even "smart" enough not to use a charge card to pay for it.

Sorry your husband left you for a stripper but I don't see the relevance. He could have left you for a schoolteacher.

Other than enjoying punishing him, why, in this situation, is the wife staying?

[smoothy]

I wonder what the definition of a strip club is in Afganistan? They show a bit of leg below the knee?

[JudyKayTee]

I understand she is upset and all cause all Woman hate the fact that THEIR man was checking some other bimbos out. and I understand why you would hide it...because you obviously know Wife plus stripper is never a good conclusion. It was just a mistake on your part and she really needs to get over it. It's not as if your out there in Afghanistan cheating on her or she saw a charge to some dead in motel. While she's here doing god knows what...right? (not trying to make you paranoid) I think you need to go to some kind of couples counseling or have her go to counseling on her own to get over spilt milk.

Why do you think stripper equates bimbo? By definition, bimbos are uneducated, undereducated women. I'm sure there are strippers out there who would rather be doing something else but need to support their families.

And blaming the "victim," the wife by questioning what she's doing when he's gone is really unnecessary and inflammatory in my eyes.

Again - I think it's all been said. Time to close.

[Synnen]

I'm leaving it open until it gets MUCH worse, or the OP asks me to close it.

[asking]

I would just like to point out that there's a difference between education and intelligence. A bimbo or bimba (male bimbo) can have a college degree and a conventional job.

How does someone end up as a stripper single mother? I'm inclined to by sympathetic even if I don't like the business itself. I think a lot of kids grow up in situations that lead them into situations where they feel they have very few choices in terms of survival. If I'd had a kid at 17, I know my widowed father would have let me live with him and even helped me take care of the baby. Not every kid has that kind of support.

Anyway, I seriously doubt that the average intelligence of the audience in a strip club is higher than that of the performers. I'd be amazed if it was.