[leon_1991]

Hi, My name is Leon and I'm in the worst situation I have ever been in my entire life:
Well here's my story, this will be a long one, but please read as I really really need help.

Back in 2005, a friend of mine was very in love with me, and I didn't realise but we became such good friends that of course I knew we should take it to the next level and we started going out together ( at this time we were 14/15 )
She was the most amazing girlfriend ever, she would answer every call, be there at any time and never once let me down and I would do the same. We spent everyday together because we felt that's all we could ever need..
Well... we continued like this for the best part of 3 years..
Everyday together, my friends became her friends and well, she became my best friend. I would turn to her a lot faster for advice than even my friends or family!
And she really clearly loved me with all her heart! ( since late 2006 she had stayed at mine most nights of every week, and basically lived with me )

Anyway.. in 2008 I moved into my own place, ( both age 17 ) and we lived together in an apartment, I spent a lot making it into a home for us both, and we seemed to settle down really well. Felt very mature to be honest.. to have our own XMAS tree and such in our own property, fely very heart warming to see the same girl I had for 3 years, still happy together.

March 6th 2009 - We found out she was pregnant, around 3 weeks gone at the time.
I was over the moon, I was so happy.. she was the only person I would ever want children with, she after all, was my life!

Things started going bad from here...
She would leave our home, and return to her parents, and not turn her phone on or answer any txts/emails/calls/msn no nothing.. for weeks at a time..
We seemed to work past this eventually but one night she did this..
I flipped. I overdosed and was rushed to hospital and was on the poisons ward..
Over the time I spent inside there, no one had even heard from her! She just didn't care!

When I came out, I had a drink at my place with a friend...
Stupidly

Anyway.. few months later I had a huge legal battle... with a sentence of 16+ years.. and it didn't look good. ( I won't state why )
Anyway, after losing my property, moving to parents, she moving back with hers
After 5 months apart we hardly even spoke. Let alone met up!
But, after 5 months ( September 2009 ) they court ruled a not guilty verdict as both people accusing.. had admitted making it all up.

So we were free at last, and now I'm trying to rebuild what we have lost..
But she hasn't come to see me once, every time I try to see her she goes out,never answers the fone.. and ALWAYS arranges to meet but doesn't show up ( every single time! )
She says she loves me but how can she?
Anyway my child is due anytime soon and I need to know where I stand
But she won't contact me and never answers me when I try!

I offered to buy a new house but she refused and now I'm stuck
The girl who once loved me so much
Now seems to get pleasure from hurting me
( in fact she acrtually addmited: " i like hurtimng you because i like being chased and like feeling wanted " )

HOW SICK IS THAT- after knowing her games drove me to suicide?!

What do I do :'(:(:confused:

[adam_89]

Well first off, don't commit suicide. You need to fight custody of this kid and... Well, if you are suicidal then you don't need a kid in the first place. Go and get help then you can worry about the other problems you have.

[leon_1991]

Wow. Adam, how do I take that?
Sounded almost insulting that you say
" i dont need a kid in the first place "

I didn't post here to have my parenting skills debated!

And I don't feel suicidal, its clear you didn't read through my post, but rather scanned over it..
I do appreciate all feedback..
I am in the process of seeing lawyers for custody...
I'm just not sure what the hell is going on in regards to her... she just hasn't made anything clear
Thing is.. every time I try to move on, she uses the baby as a weapon to make me stik around as her puppet almose.. but then when I'm back.. she throws me away yet again...

[Cat1864]

Ok.. lets get back to the question..

my final point is this:

it takes TWO to tango...

and yes im a teen ( 18 ) but also a father to a little girl myself..

anyway.. we shall leave it there and let other members answer the OP question

Before I give any advice:

Where in your question is this child?

Is she the one about to be born or is there another child and woman in the story?

[leon_1991]

Unborn due literally between now and Friday!
No one is exactly sure.. and its just a case of being ready to up and leave to the hospital

[Cat1864]

unborn due literally between now and friday!
no one is exactly sure.. and its just a case of being ready to up and leave to the hospital

If that is according to her due date, it could even be two more weeks. Babies dislike letting anyone know their time table. So attempt to stay calm.

Have you tried to talk to her parents? Are they trying to stay out of the relationship? Do they have any advice?

I am going to suggest that you try to get her to go to couple's counseling as a way to get you both on a more stable footing for sharing the parenting of your (plural) child. I can only guess that something happened that you aren't aware of (or that you didn't realise was as major as she felt it was) or that the legal troubles unearthed some hidden fears she had. Counseling could help find out what went wrong, but don't expect it to be able to 'fix' the relationship.

I hope that part of her behavior was because her hormones and body haven't been exactly normal. Maybe once the baby is born and she has some time to get back to a more normal level, you can sit down and discuss what's going on. Communication between you is going to be needed for the next 18 years even if you aren't together.

[leon_1991]

Cat,, Thank You! Here's some more info..
Her parents:

Well. They still insist on being called " mummy and daddy" by an 18 yr old and a 16 yr old!
And all they care about is looking posh to be fair.they offer no help to me ever, apart from to let Tia do as she wishes!

Tia is stubborn and any mention of counciling or any routes to take to try and resolve thing or at least become civil... she blows up and blanks me for weeks! Never wants to know anything I suggest.

I have just received a Text..
" DONT THINK YOUR GOING TO BE INVOLVED WITH YOUR DAUGHTER, **** OFF" and all that!

Why?
Because I offered her to come for a drink ( obviously non alcoholic for her )
And she of course blanked me...
So after 8 hours waiting for a reply I went with friends..
But now.. because of that I get that abuse!

... this is the girl that ignores me, never wants to see me, never contacts me and yet when I do anything other than sit on a PC.. I get threatened with that!

I'm stuck :(
I don't even know left or right anymore:(

Thank you again Cat

[Cristy85]

Gosh sounds like she gets a thrill from hurting you. Don't put up with her bs, find you a lawyer and go through a custody battle for your child, and take it one day at a time. I kind of had the same problem but it was the other way around. Come to find out he was a dead beet dad anyway.

[leon_1991]

Well cristy85.. she admitted she does it for a kick, so she feels loved and wanted!

And I am actually in the process of sorting out the custody, the layer and I have chosen to firstly try to solve this without going to court by having her sign documents with specifics on custody arangements and child support..
But if not we shall take it to court.

You seem to have been through this yourself to an extent.. how did you deal with the stress and worry of it all? What helped you out?

I think the more people that know where I'm coming from reply the better chance I have of moving on from her and making the most for my daughter, because regardless of her mother, I will do everything in my power to bring her up properly!

So yeah.. its people like you that could offer valuable advice :)

Thanks:)

[talaniman]

Dude this is a court battle and not a social thing so forget her and everything she says and does and let the court decide. You'll be tied together for a long time any way and the important thing is being a good dad, by whatever it takes and just see her crazy momma as an annoyance, not an obstacle. That's how you deal with the stress, don't lose sight on what important, dad!

Your GIVING her way too much power.

[leon_1991]

Hi,
Been thinking over a few things last night and today
( as I'm unemployed I don't do much )
I have only just moved to my new area and have NO friends at all in a 30 mile radius- and the old friends arnt interested at all..
So trying to start to work on myself is proving tough..
Thing is, Tia knows this.. and she uses the fact that I can't just go out when I feel like or stuff.
So shel use that and cause riots and "go out " or whatever knowing I cant.. or say:
" go out, make friends or something "
Knowing full well I cant, well I have ONCE in SIX months!
And even then I got abuse 4 it!
( this isn't even fair surly? )

Anyway..
I'm thinking of going NC totally, as it seems the best way forward after following a lot of threads and advice from talaniman and cat especially..

But here's the catch,
Because I have a daughter due very soon realisticaly I HAVE to have contact, correct?
Because she always says
"your just a typical teen father, up and leave and dont care"
.. now I intend to prove her wrong on that
And regardless of her ill be there for my daughter!

But with regards NC how can I work it?

Personally I think if I do, she will wonder why I'm not in touch and will contact me
( as she admits to enjoy being chased at any cost )

Advice? :)

[amicon]

You ve got a solicitor is this correct? Let them sort out custody and all legal arrangements.
Then step away from the confusion the mother of your child is causing you. Granted she ll be in your life as the mother of your child but that's all she should be.

[leon_1991]

amicon

Yes a solicitor is involved and is taking care of custody etc

But what I meant is:

I believe this is some sort of game because she enjoys it
And I think if I backed away for a while she would become scared and run back
( yes I know that's a twisted game on my part )
But lets face it who doesn't think these type of thoughts?

I wouldn't go out of the way simply to hurt her

But really and truthfully do wish we could forge some kind of friendship or enough respect for each other to talk occasionaly without biting each others heads off over anything!

I don't know?
This is my first real break up I suppose,
As all previous GF have been a max of 7 months
Most lasting 4-5 months

[Cat1864]

Right now, all of your communication with her should be through your lawyer.

I really dislike asking this but with the way things are going do you have someone who will tell you when the child is born? Be prepared to need to get your lawyer involved in getting visitation with the baby in the hospital.

I hope that after the baby is born you can get her to go to some kind of counseling to work out the issues. However, I am realistic enough at this time to tell you to pursue the legal aspect of custody and visitation. I would also keep a log of these texts and any other way that she (lack of better word) attacks. It may become needed later. IF nothing else to get a judge to tell her to get help.

Do you have any leads on getting a job?

[leon_1991]

Well
Aparently she wants me to be there for the birth
But because I went out with friends she now doesn't want me there?
But I do believe when she gets out of this mood at the moment, she will want me there!

I too would love to sort this out with some mediation and counciling

That's a brilliant Idea ( the log ) and she wouldn't be smart enough to do that so that puts me in an advantage!
She is the type of girl who:

Sits in all day in her room lying in bed watching TV
Doesn't shower,brush her teeth or anything!

Unless she's forced to do it, until it becomes routine and she ends up doing them!

This should say a lot as regards to how she may cope? Maybe maybe not?

As regards to a job... I have applied for 30 in the last 14 days!
And keep getting a
" sorry you have not been chosen this time "

From everone. Even places I've had 2 -3 interviews with!

So with:

No friends
No job
No girlfriend
No life
Nothing else to do apart from sit on my PC and apply to jobs

I feel as though I'm decaying

[talaniman]

Dude you just keep plugging away and keep your head up, even though you have a lot of work to do. Your child needs her dad. Don't quit because its tough, as I think you'll get where you need to be, despite the obstacles. Deal with those obstacles and keep your eyes on your goal.

I have a lot of faith in guys who want to do the right things.

[paxe]

It's late and I should go to sleep but what the hell, you need help.

This relationship is toxic, put it out of your mind. You should NEVER date her or even hope to date her again, it's pretty clear she will use you and you will end up unhappy.

Secondly, you seem way too emotional, and it is due to your lack of experience in some sort. You need to work on that.

Thirdly, the relationship about you and her is now only about the kid. You have as much right as she does and you could even win custody of your kid in court.

What you need now is to apply NC, but not totally since you do have to take care of the child. Work on yourself, don't mind about what she tells you, you have a right to be there when she is giving birth, you have a right to hold your kid and to be part of the kid's life, so don't worry about this aspect.

Lastly, consider continuing college. It is very important to have a career and stable economic situation for a child.

[leon_1991]

I have another post wich has more detail about the relationship:
But for now ill briefly go over it so you don't have to read other posts...

Been with my GF for a few years now
Have one child ( born a week ago )
The few days before and until now have been PERFECT..

Anyway..

Im not sure whether to stay in the " relationship " or move on.. and not sure how even..

Me and my partner have a house together and both share payments of the house and bills and obviously everything needed to live...

Now.. if I or her were to leave we would lose this property
(.. as neither of our incomes can afford it alone, need to be combined.. )
And both be homeless really
And in my mind its not fair on my child to leave, seeing as this is not her fault...

I Love This girl but she's hardly ever home, always at parents or out with whoever..
And I'm made to feel uneasy about asking her to come out with me or scared to call in case she gets mad at me.. and almost have to hope I catch her in a good mood to be able to even talk!

I wish I could have a magic wand and make her realise I do want everything to work
But for that to happen she needs to be part of this relationship..

But on the otherhand I want to run away and find happiness..

I just isn't sure..