[carlita]

I am writing this mail from africa. I have been married for almost four years. My husband and I do not have any children yet. Before we got married, my hausband had a good job, he had a car and he was living in the familiy house. However, I noticed he was not paying his bills especially electricity bills and occasionally, the electricity company will come and disconnect his power. I found this behaviuor irresponsible but because the relationship was quite new I didn't want to raise it. After a while he lost his job and his car also got burnt..
Just some three months before we got married, he had a new job but the salary wasn't good. I was not bothered about that. I still married him. I was taking care of all the responsibilities in the house, from electricity bills to feeding and gas . I had a car that we were both using. With time I realised my husband was not helping me in anyway. As for house chores I never asked for help because in africa, it is the woman's responsibility. I realised that my husband will not even use a dime of his to service the car because it wasn't his. Anytime he had money on him, he wanted to eat out instead of eating the food that had been prepared at home.
We also tried on several occasions to conceive but we were not successful so I suggested that we go see a doctor. He was not in for it, but I managed to convince him. When we went to hospital I was checked first and the doc said there was nothging wrong with me. He than asked my husband to go do a semen anlysis it was discovered he had low sperm count. I therefore bought all the necessary drugs and paid all the hospital bill. My husband however refused to take his medication. I convinced him at another time to let us another hospital. The diagnosis was the same but this time the treatment was more expensive. I again paid for it all. He was supposed to do the treatment for three months. Before the third month ended, he told me he was tired of taking the medication and he stopped. I was deeply hurt because it was my money going waste.. during this period he secured a better paying jodb but was still not assisting me financially and we were still staying in the family house. I am in the military si I'm entitled to accommodation. When I realised he could not even take care of me nor pay his bills and buy gas, I suggested we go love in the barracks since that was going to save us a lt of money. He got angry and said I could go stay in the barracks alone.
On another occasion he asked for some money from me to registeer for an exam. I gave him the money, he wrote the exam but had a referral. He had three months to re-register and write the exams free of charge but he refused. My money gone waste again.
Now I am tired of being "the man of the house'. I want to divorce my hausband so that I can also move forward. These responsibilities are draining me and I'm almost always broke. I normally go on peacekeeping a lot since that is a place of escape for me . Now his mother and brother have moved back to the family house, and my husband is still not ready to get us our own place. I am also afraid that when I go back to the family house, his mother and brother are going to be my responsibility. I want out. Am I right?

[JudyKayTee]

Only you know if you are right, if you can live with the situation.

There is no general right or wrong in these situations - it's what is right for you and your moral beliefs and often your religion.

[Gemini54]

Clearly you want out and you know how you feel.

Your husband sounds like a user and loser and I suspect you're going to have to support his family as well. I'd be moving to the barracks, if he doesn't want to come so be it. (But who will support him then? )

Follow your heart, if you want to move on do so. You will feel a lot lighter.