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megmor98 · Oct 22, 2009, 06:48 AM

My 16 1/2 year old daughter has her first boyfriend. He is a nice boy and they get along great.. almost too great; lately they have been very touchy- feely. I overheard something that made me think they may be sexually active. I am very open with my daughter about this topic. I started dating my husband when I was 15 and we have been together for 25 years, happily married for 18 of them, so I have experience with young love. In fact, I became pregnant at a young age. I have always offered honest answers to questions she has and have been realistic on my expectations (waiting vs. not waiting until she is married). I think that I have given her sound advice. I have even told her to come to me and I would make arrangements to get the pill (of course hoping it would be when she was out of high school). I guess no young girl is going to go to their mother at this age and tell them they are thinking about it! My question is.. do I give her condoms 'just in case' ? Or is that giving her the impression that I am "ok with it"? I don't want her think that they are being careful... and that she won't get pregnant. Any thoughts?

Gernald · Oct 22, 2009, 06:56 AM

Give her the condoms; it's a good topic starter and will help make sure she's being safe. She'll probably be a bit shocked when you give them to her, but sit her down and explain that you don't agree with what she's doing but also understand that you can't stop her and want her to be safe.
She's a teenager almost an adult and judging from what your saying she is well bahaved and not stupid about the topic like most girls her age. By sitting her down and explaining your fears but not telling her to stop you have a chance of her actually listening to you.

88sunflower · Oct 22, 2009, 07:15 AM

I agree, give her the condoms.

If you have been open and honest with everything and you talk honestly with her I don't see a problem. It may open the lines of communication and she may confess if she is having sex or not. I understand you wanting her to wait until she is older or until marriage, but it's a different world today for our children. This certainly doesn't make it OK but our kids beliefs are a little more free then what ours were.

Giving her condoms doesn't give her your blessing to run out and have sex, it gives her your caution for being protected from disease and pregnancy. Don't be stern with her because you don't want to scare her from having to talk to you if something does go wrong.

Justwantfair · Oct 22, 2009, 10:59 AM

You became pregnant at a young age yourself, you realize that sometimes pregnancies are not planned.

I would go further then condoms and have a serious discussion with her about getting on the pill. Tell her you are not condoning sexual behavior but realize that in a 'serious' relationship, things happen and progress that are not planned.

CGM91 · Oct 22, 2009, 12:18 PM

Originally Posted by megmor98

My 16 1/2 year old daughter has her first boyfriend. He is a nice boy and they get along great.. almost too great; lately they have been very touchy- feely. I overheard something that made me think they may be sexually active. I am very open with my daughter about this topic. I started dating my husband when I was 15 and we have been together for 25 years, happily married for 18 of them, so I have experience with young love. In fact, I became pregnant at a young age. I have always offered honest answers to questions she has and have been realistic on my expectations (waiting vs. not waiting until she is married). I think that I have given her sound advice. I have even told her to come to me and I would make arrangements to get the pill (of course hoping it would be when she was out of high school). I guess no young girl is going to go to their mother at this age and tell them they are thinking about it!! My question is.. do I give her condoms 'just in case' ? Or is that giving her the impression that I am "ok with it"? I don't want her think that they are being careful... and that she won't get pregnant. Any thoughts?

You sound like a pretty cool mom,

I agree with everyone else. Give her condoms, but make sure she knows what your opinion on her being sexually active is. Ask her if she is sexually active, if she responds with a yes and/or if you have suspicions and she is not telling the truth. I would put her on the pill, is there a father figure? If so, I would encourage to get him into the discussion.

- Chris.

rockie100 · Oct 22, 2009, 02:52 PM

After talking with her more about options, you could visit her/your doctor. There is also a shot that could prevent HPV. There is a chance that she would be more willing to tell the doctor of her activity. I too think my 16 year old tells me everything. I just would want her to have the opition to talk freely to our trusted family doctor.

chantelle1212 · Apr 8, 2010, 06:53 PM

The condoms are a good idea. I was sexually active a wile ago, though I know it was wrong and everything, I'm a teenager. Me and my mom have a close relationship, but sometimes there's just things that a teenage girls not going to want to tell her mother. My mom still doesn't know, and I'm thinking about telling her... but I know that she's not going to be happy. Get her to really talk to you. Open up with her and tell her that you are concerned about STI's/ AIDS/ pregnancy. Hopefully this will really get her to be safe. The pill would be a good idea too.

chantelle1212 · Jun 16, 2010, 03:31 PM

Ignore my comment before . I lied. I am 14, but am NOT sexually active. You can't believe eveything on the internet. Not even these "trusted" sites and that. Sorry for misleading you if I had. All I wanted to do was see who believed me or whatever. Just trying to prove a point to myself. Sorry again.