[grandmalee]

I have been married for 37 hard yrs. Although the last 5 have been good since he quit drinking. He has never been an affectionate person to me or our children. Our 37 anniversery. Came in June which he didn't acknowledge we got into an argument at which time he informed me that none of these says (birthdays,fathers day or anniversery) mean anything to him. I was so hurt, his apology meant nothing. The next day I started checking things out. I found that last year he had different numbers. On his phone. They weren't mistakes although the time was 1 or 2 min. They were done on different days at different times. A few months later I asked him about it and I can't express to how mad he got. I have access to bank accounts credit cards there have been no unexplained charges. He is a local truck driver and the co. provides them with cells. He hid his pass word so I can't check calls. I know you will think I am mean but I do keep track of his hours. He doesn't go off buy himself we are always together but I have this gut feeling that messing around while at work. All of a sudden he is in the porn sights. He know more about the PC than my son or I do. Supposedly he just started using it. Yesterday I found that he had msn and windows mail on bookmark when I asked about he he said he didn't how they got there and got mad. I truly believe that he is cheating what do you think? Help.

[jmjoseph]

I suggest this group:Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen, it's Al-Anon, a support group for family members of alcoholics . It's free, anonymous, and worldwide. He doesn't have to still be drinking to be an alcoholic. Alcoholism is for life. And this group will help YOU.

As far as the "cheating", do you have any proof? Or is this suspicions only?

Would he be willing to go to counseling? Is so, I recommend it.

[talaniman]

Maybe he hides the porn, but you have to have more facts to convince me of cheating.

[Enigma1999]

Hello G,

Just because he might be or is looking up porn doesn't mean that he is cheating. Because there is no real proof that he is cheating on you, it may be in your best interest to simply ask him. Try sitting down with him and talk to him about it.

Screening his calls will only drive you crazy! Don't be his Mother, be his wife. Talk to him.. Good luck.

[twinkiedooter]

Truck drivers are notorious for being bad husbands. Very few are good husbands. The fact that he's been with you for 30 some years means he probably falls into the latter category. Just remember. The more you snoop the more it's going to hurt once you do find out something you didn't know before. I'd stop snooping while I was ahead. Shucks, if he wanted to cheat he'd have done it a long time ago. Most truckers have girl friends but who do they go home to and support? Their wives and families. They have a very lonely job. You need to be more receptive to him when he is home. Spark his attention a little and see what happens.

[Enigma1999]

Hello again,

Twinkie you quoted, "Truck drivers are notorious for being bad husbands. Very few are good husbands." Is this based on experience or fact, please, if you will?

[jmjoseph]

Truck drivers are notorious for being bad husbands. Very few are good husbands. The fact that he's been with you for 30 some years means he probably falls into the latter category. Just remember. The more you snoop the more it's going to hurt once you do find out something you didn't know before. I'd stop snooping while I was ahead. Shucks, if he wanted to cheat he'd have done it a long time ago. Most truckers have girl friends but who do they go home to and support? Their wives and families. They have a very lonely job. You need to be more receptive to him when he is home. Spark his attention a little and see what happens.

I usually agree with you Twink , but this is a sweeping statement. I happen to have friends who are trunk drivers, AND good husbands and fathers. Maybe some you know are bad, or maybe you've heard stories, but not ALL truck drivers are bad husbands.

Just thought I'd say...

Sounds like she found one though, HUH?

[talaniman]

I think it remains to be seen, as 37 years is a long time to be with someone, and maybe they have been through a lot, but their still together, so I seriously doubt that either of them will let this glitch get in the way.

I think whatever it is will get worked out by them both. My money is on them.

[grandmalee]

Thank you all for your answers. I guess I am feeling a little insecure right now.

[Gemini54]

I don't believe that truckers make bad husbands - they just have $hitty, hard jobs.

Back off with the snooping behavior - so he had some calls on his cell, and has MSN... hardly evidence of cheating. There is nothing that is more likely to make a partner defensive than the other partner snooping.

I know it's been a long time and it's been hard - but perhaps you could have some fun? Try to lighten things up - he has probably worked hard to support you and the family and feels tired and worn out.

I''m not saying that he's not cheating (by all means be aware of what is happening), I'm saying cut the guy some slack.

[Cat1864]

Since he is "local" truck driver that takes some of the negative points of truckers, generalized or otherwise, out of the equation.

I agree that snooping is not the best way to gather information.

One thought that comes to my mind: Is he having any libido issues that he might be trying to hide? Many men who have problems with getting older and possible medical concerns can become defensive and secretive. When was the last time he had a full check up?

I agree with jmjoseph that counseling is probably a good way to go. Even if he won't go with you, it can be a way for you to learn techniques for discussing your concerns with him in a non-confrontational manner.

[talaniman]

Have either of you gone through the change of life thing yet?

[grandmalee]

Yes he is having libido problems. He is on meds that causes this also even vigra doesn't help. He is 61 and I am 58 and I am just now going through mid life. Its good and bad