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Ellisa · Oct 18, 2009, 06:06 PM

I was born to a married couple in Portsmouth, NH in 1964, but just recently found out that Mom had affairs.
Dad has highly doubted for many years that I am his biological daughter.

I am in search of my biological father only to meet him, and get to know him. I seek no monetary gains at all.

**** edited out all personal material

Mom passed in 2003. I'd really like to know someone out there can help me. I'm fine, but what a bombshell when Dad told me the news two weeks ago. My choice is to search out my biological father, for both of us. I seek nothing else but a connection. Please respond with any information you may have.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 18, 2009, 06:52 PM

Well first there would be no monetary gain since only your mother could have filed for child support and that right to claim any support ended years ago.

You could perhaps have a claim to their estate when he died.

You may need to talk to family or friends of your mom who may have know who she was sleeping with. But to be blunt, if she was having any one night stands, esp in the 60's people often had sex with no idea of the name of people they were sleeping with.

So I really se no way you will ever know.

But I have to ask what "connection" there is none to some man who never knew you for years.

I have to wonder what your dads motive was in even saying this, and have you done a DNA test to know for sure that dad is not your bio dad.

artlady · Oct 18, 2009, 07:02 PM

Dad has highly doubted for many years that I am his biological daughter.

And yet you still call him Dad.
I don't see why or how you believe that you are not his child other than his suspicion.
He has done you a great disservice by planting this idea in your head.
It is never wise to put personal information on an open site such as this.It the WORLD WIDE WEB!
In particular when you are dissing your mother.

artlady · Oct 18, 2009, 07:05 PM

I just asked for a RIP!

Ellisa · Oct 18, 2009, 07:08 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Well first there would be no monetary gain since only your mother could have filed for child support and that right to claim any support ended years ago.

You could perhaps have a claim to thier estate when he died.

You may need to talk to family or friends of your mom who may have know who she was sleeping with. But to be blunt, if she was having any one night stands, esp in the 60's people often had sex with no idea of the name of people they were sleeping with.

So I really se no way you will ever know.

But I have to ask what "connection" there is none to some man who never knew you for years.

I have to wonder what your dads motive was in even saying this, and have you done a DNA test to know for sure that dad is not your bio dad.

I seek nothing monetary to begin with. As for my father's motive in telling me, who knows, he's a quiet man, but once he gets started, look out. Mom just had affairs to "get my Dad in line" she said, so there probably weren't many. As for me, I'm intrigued, and confused. I wouldn't want to hurt my elderly father's heart by performing a DNA test, and am just seeking if anyone is searching for me. Thought that mightbe the less painful way to go right now.

artlady · Oct 18, 2009, 07:27 PM

Originally Posted by Ellisa

I seek nothing monetary to begin with. As for my father's motive in telling me, who knows, he's a quiet man, but once he gets started, look out. Mom just had affairs to "get my Dad in line" she said, so there probably weren't many. As for me, I'm intrigued, and confused. I wouldn't want to hurt my elderly father's heart by performing a DNA test, and am just seeking if anyone is searching for me. Thought that mightbe the less painful way to go right now.

Do you KNOW these things your father says?
You just believe without any proof?

artlady · Oct 18, 2009, 07:31 PM

Originally Posted by artlady

Do you KNOW these things your father says?
You just believe without any proof?

Please tell me what convinces you that your Dad is not your Dad.

You sound like you believe anything he says but what did your mother say about your parentage?

Ellisa · Oct 18, 2009, 07:32 PM

Originally Posted by artlady

Do you KNOW these things your father says?
You just believe without any proof?

I do believe without proof. Now that I know my Dad may not be my biologigal father has my mind thinking of the lies I've been raised with. I have a birth defect that for years was told was identical as my

Ellisa · Oct 18, 2009, 07:36 PM

Originally Posted by Ellisa

I do believe without proof. Now that I know my Dad may not be my biologigal father has my mind thinking of the lies I've been raised with. I have a birth defect that for years was told was identical as my

I do believe without proof. Now that I know my Dad may not be my biologigal father has my mind thinking of the lies I've been raised with. I have a birth defect that for years was told was identical as my Dad's mother. I just found that to be a lie, also. Am I wrong to seek the truth? Am I wrong to hurt from lies I was raised with, and to seek the truth? If that is so wrong, then shame on me.

artlady · Oct 18, 2009, 07:36 PM

Originally Posted by Ellisa

I do believe without proof. Now that I know my Dad may not be my biologigal father has my mind thinking of the lies I've been raised with. I have a birth defect that for years was told was identical as my

Why would you believe without proof?
Because someone who wants to put your mother down says so ?
Was your mother good to you?

Ellisa · Oct 18, 2009, 07:38 PM

Originally Posted by artlady

Why would you believe without proof?
Because someone who wants to put your mother down says so ?
Was your mother good to you?

My parents had a very loving marriage. My father would not want to disrespect my mother. Maybe he felt they were living a lie, and that I should know the truth. Mom was loved dearly.

justcurious55 · Oct 18, 2009, 08:13 PM

I'm sorry. I must be missing something here. How does being told that you have a birth defect identical to your paternal grandmother fit in here? Wouldn't that make it seem more likely that you are his daughter? If it's something in the family?

Ellisa · Oct 18, 2009, 08:17 PM

Originally Posted by justcurious55

i'm sorry. i must be missing something here. how does being told that you have a birth defect identical to your paternal grandmother fit in here? wouldn't that make it seem more likely that you are his daughter? if it's something in the family?

Sorry, omitted to say that it wasn't true. I asked that question when Dad told me his news. Not true at all. All these yrs I've just said it came from my father's side, that his father had it. That was a lie. My apologies for omitting that very important part.

justcurious55 · Oct 18, 2009, 08:24 PM

And if your dad is the one who brought it up, why do you think he would be so hurt by a DNA test? It's certainly not a physically difficult test. And I would imagine that since he's the one who brought it up he should be braced for the emotional part of determining once and for all if you're biologically his. It doesn't seem fair to you if he won't do that after opening such a can of worms.

Ellisa · Oct 18, 2009, 08:30 PM

Originally Posted by justcurious55

and if your dad is the one who brought it up, why do you think he would be so hurt by a DNA test? it's certainly not a physically difficult test. and i would imagine that since he's the one who brought it up he should be braced for the emotional part of determining once and for all if you're biologically his. it doesn't seem fair to you if he won't do that after opening such a can of worms.

I guess you just have to know my Dad to know that would hurt him. I believe he thinks I wouldn't want to search. I also don't think he doesn't understands the questions, and pain, I have now. It makes you wonder about things that happened in your life. I just want to know if someone seeks me, if they remember my Mom, and wondering what if.

artlady · Oct 18, 2009, 08:35 PM

Originally Posted by Ellisa

I guess you just have to know my Dad to know that would hurt him. I believe he thinks I wouldn't want to search. I also don't think he doesn't understands the questions, and pain, I have now. It makes you wonder about things that happened in your life. I just want to know if someone seeks me, if they remember my Mom, and wondering what if.

Back to the same point,what makes you believe that you are not your fathers son,the man you call Dad?
Talk to him about it and tell him how you feel.

Ellisa · Oct 18, 2009, 08:40 PM

Originally Posted by artlady

Back to the same point,what makes you believe that you are not your fathers son,the man you call Dad?
Talk to him about it and tell him how you feel.

Great advice, Ms. Art Lady. I was thinking that myself. I live with dad, help him when needed. He just walked by me, and we chit-chatted for a moment. I was thinking that very same thing while he was walking by. I just have to find the right time to do it now.

Thank you.

Ellisa · Oct 18, 2009, 08:45 PM

Originally Posted by Ellisa

Great advice, Ms. Art Lady. I was thinking that myself. I live with dad, help him when needed. He just walked by me, and we chit-chatted for a moment. I was thinking that very same thing while he was walking by. I just have to find the right time to do it now.

Thank you.

Oh, I a proud mother of three sons, two of whom are in the military, and eight year old sweetheart.

artlady · Oct 18, 2009, 08:46 PM

Originally Posted by Ellisa

Great advice, Ms. Art Lady. I was thinking that myself. I live with dad, help him when needed. He just walked by me, and we chit-chatted for a moment. I was thinking that very same thing while he was walking by. I just have to find the right time to do it now.

Thank you.

There is no time like the present.I hope he is honest with you and gives you reasons he believes he is not bio Dad.
He is the man you call Dad and you love him and that is a blessing.

JudyKayTee · Oct 19, 2009, 07:00 AM

Originally Posted by Ellisa

My parents had a very loving marriage. My father would not want to disrespect my mother. Maybe he felt they were living a lie, and that I should know the truth. Mom was loved dearly.

But I think your father HAS disrespected your mother - she's not here to defend herself or explain and he didn't see fit to mention any of this until she passed away.

I see nothing to be gained by him telling you this except to disrespect your mother.

Sorry - I'm sure you don't want to hear this but this is how I see it.

Also - your father may very effectively have now cut you out of inheriting from his estate. If he can prove (or you can prove) he is NOT your father, who stands to inherit?