[vinodkunju]

I have got a three year old girl child who is adamant about everything.she throws tantrums and doesn't listens to us. At certain situations we yell at her as she doesn't listens to to any one of us. I lose my temper very soon and I have beat her very badly which I regrets a lot later on.kindly advice us how to handle our only child , I wanted her to listen to us and obey us, other wise she is smart in her studies.the only thing that we regret is that she wants to do everything by her own.even in her pre-school she wants to do everything on her own.

[justcurious55]

I would suggest parenting classes. And watching a lot of super nanny.

You know what yelling at your kids and hitting them does? It teaches them to yell and hit. You need to set clear boundaries or her. And then enforce those boundaries. When you discipline her, you need to get down on your knees to her level and speak to her. Speak, not yell. And come up with a time out place. And explain to her what she's doing is not OK and put her in time out for 3 minutes. One minute for every year old she is.

And it's normal for kids to start wanting to be independent at her age. Let her do certain harmless things on her own. Like get herself dressed ( my little brother insisted on wearing his uggs with his plaid shorts the entire summer. It looked ridiculous, but it made him happy and it didn't hurt him,so what the heck.) as long as she can do some things on her own, most kids will realize that they still need you around for other things.

[J_9]

we yell at her and i have beat her very badly

You should be reported to the department of children's services! :mad:

Children throw tantrums because they know you will give in. If you simply walk away and ignore it, the tantrums will stop.

[redhed35]

Three year olds can be difficult to handle,however they are also smart little people.

Slapping or hitting her won't work,plus the fact the you said beat her concerns me,however it won't help with the tantrum right now.

Don't let her temper get out of control,nor yours, give her a way out of the argument.

Parenting classes are really helpful,they give you lots of tips and advice,and at least in my area they are free,but you could check out your local paper for classes in your area.

Does she go to a play group? Perhaps she is bored on her own?

I would just like to add,an adult hitting a small child while angry( or at any time), could cause a serious injury to the child,you need to find other ways of coping with her tantrums,and you need to keep your frustration under control.

[justcurious55]

Maybe anger management classes would be appropriate as well.

[artlady]

Yelling and hitting are two of the most ineffective ways to get a child to obey.

YOU are teaching her aggression and setting a bad example of how to cope with anger and frustration.

Get some parenting books and or go to classes before you seriously damage your child.

Hitting is never an option and yelling is not effective.

Make the rules clear to her and when she breaks the rules ,you calmly make her sit in time out.Three minutes for a child her age.
If she gets up,you put her back.Do not talk to her when she is in time out but explain after the time out why she was there.

You may have to put her in time out many times a day until she understands that you mean business.

Use an egg timer that she can see and then she will know when the three minutes are up.

Explain to her why she was put in time out.

When she is behaving give her positive reinforcement.Praise her for behaving.

You must be consistent and be in control by staying calm when she is acting out.

You also must have realistic expectations for your child.

Get educated about ways to discipline without hitting and yelling,it is not effective.

[rockie100]

Get her allergy tested. I had a very hard time with my daughter at this age. I was aware of some of the things she was allergic to, but I didn't know all of them. Turns out that when I changed her diet her mood and additude changed. Worth a try anyway.

[artlady]

I am hoping that when you state you beat your child,there is a language barrier here and you are not doing severe harm to your child.
What do you do?
Please explain as it will help me to answer your question further.
How do you discipline?

[Jake2008]

i lose my temper very soon and i have beat her very badly

That is the ONLY issue. If you don't get a grip on your anger and violent outbursts against a three year old child, it will only get worse.

This is not the child's problem, it is YOUR problem. She cannot be faulted for your lack of parenting skills, no matter how big a tantrum she throws. MOST people don't beat their children, under any circumstance.

It is not warrented, acceptable, or appropriate for an adult to BEAT their children!!

My only hope is you get off your a**, recognize that you have a serious problem with anger and parenting skill, and seek immediate help before you seriously injure or kill this child.

I feel no sympathy for you whatsoever. I do however, hope that somebody intervenes and stops you from beating this child, until you can learn to control yourself.