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dream11207 · Oct 17, 2009, 01:58 PM

He was doing everything right and then just stopped. I'm 23, higher than average on looks (sorry just giving the whole picture so I can get accurate feedback), driven, independent, and fun.

Anyway, I was a little stand offish at first with this guy but we took it slow and as I got to know him I began liking him. He asked me to a wedding, took me to movies, would text me randomly during the day but not everyday. He'd email every other day or so and check in with me on weekends even if we couldn't meet up. This went on for 1 in a half to 2 months.

Then the emails stopped. And the texts stopped. It's been 4 or 5 weeks since I've seen him. Our last communication was through text and it was me texting him asking what he was up to and him responding saying he wanted to see me. Haven't heard from him in two weeks. What do you think? I think he just wants to hook up now and nothing serious... but why not a relationship?

redhed35 · Oct 17, 2009, 02:02 PM

Some men,not all, woo a girl just for one thing.

When it looks like he might have to put more effort in to get what he wants,well that's just too much like hard work,and so he moves on.

For me,I think you did the right thing,getting to know him,going out on a few dates,that's how you get to know someone,to see if you want to get to know them better.

Forget this one,he did you a favour and didn't waste your time.

dream11207 · Oct 17, 2009, 02:05 PM

But if he liked me, wouldn't he put the work into it?

redhed35 · Oct 17, 2009, 02:15 PM

Yes. It if liked you for you..

If he just fancied his chances,and your not giving in,he's going to move on.

Unless some disaster had fallen on his guy,IF he wanted to get to know you better,he would be on the phone.. but he is not.

I guess the only way to say it is... he was not that into you.

But that does not mean someone else won't be... as you said yourself,you're a good looking woman,smart,fun,intelligent.. see this for what it is... and move on.

I would just like to clarify, I think he was just looking for one thing,when you didn't give it to him,he moved on.

I wish · Oct 17, 2009, 02:23 PM

The simple answer is that he's was interested at first, but he's not interested anymore. It's another way of letting you down easy, instead of telling you directly.

dream11207 · Oct 17, 2009, 02:38 PM

I did have sex with him. After about 1 and a half months of dating and conversating. Very good sex... do men not want relationships for other reasons than the girl not being the right on? Maybe he's too busy? Hiding an alcohol addiction even?

Maybe he's wanting me to make the initiative more? I was always letting him taking the lead and I still am... and now that he's stopped chasing me, I don'tknow if I should move on or chase him... eww girls shouldn't chase boys!

redhed35 · Oct 17, 2009, 02:44 PM

Originally Posted by dream11207

I did have sex with him. after about 1 and a half months of dating and conversating. very good sex... do men not want relationships for other reasons than the girl not being the right on? maybe hes too busy? hiding an alcohol addiction even?

Don't make excuses for him.

He got what he wanted and now he has moved on.

If a guy is into a woman he makes time, how long does it take to send a text,or pick up the phone,he can't spare you a 60 second explanation?

He's not interested any more... just move on,plenty of fish in the sea.

dream11207 · Oct 17, 2009, 02:47 PM

And I shouldn't call him? I should just move on you think?

Why would a man not want to make effort to be with a great woman?

redhed35 · Oct 17, 2009, 02:52 PM

Don't call him, what are you going to say?

Move on!

It was only 6 weeks,or so, he has not contacted you,but I bet sometime when he's feeling lonely he will,maybe not,but don't become a booty call.

Get on with your life,forget this one.

dream11207 · Oct 17, 2009, 02:55 PM

You're right on, woman! He tried making me a booty call by texting me saying I wish you were next to me like three Friday nights in a row but I never went over there... okay, it's not me, it's him.

dream11207 · Oct 17, 2009, 06:21 PM

My roommate says I should ignore his text and wait for him to contact me again until I respond. He hasn't talked to me in two weeks. We were getting serious and then poof! Gone. How should I handle the communication? Make him wonder, like he made me wonder?

What to do when he finally reaches out.

ThehopelessGuy · Oct 17, 2009, 07:39 PM

first... what makes you a great woman? Don't take it as a diss... but for example I am the kind of guy, who goes to hell and back... and back again because I forgot my wallet by satans desk(she wanted me to slap him)... lol, for the girl of my dreams... I'm that guy who would hang off a 4 story balcony with one hand to ask out the girl who was conflicted, and was too shy to let me know she liked me... or that guy who would drive 12 hours to see his GF for 5 min and then drive back home...

the reason I say this is... what's makes you a great woman... then I can tell you why this man isn't interested =).

oh! And tell me what's wrong XD. That helps too.

jmjoseph · Oct 17, 2009, 08:12 PM

Originally Posted by dream11207

Why would a man not want to make effort to be with a great woman?

Maybe this guy doesn't think that this woman is for him.

Maybe he doesn't even know that this woman is so great.

Or maybe he doesn't think that she's great at all.

Maybe his "efforts" are to not be with this woman who THINKS that she's so great.

Who knows?

Maybe this "great" woman should ask this "lost" guy what's up?

Gemini54 · Oct 18, 2009, 01:05 AM

I'd ask him where he's been and did he have a good time. Be really cool and act as if you genuinely thought he was away somewhere.

Then you can gauge, by his answer, where he has been and if you want to text him again.

redhed35 · Oct 18, 2009, 01:09 AM

If you keep all your questions in the same thread,posters will have a better view of your question.

I don't think playing games is going to work, could you ask him straight up what going on,and why he is so hot and cold..

As I said before,an excuse of being busy,is not a good excuse, it does not take long to send a text.

dream11207 · Oct 18, 2009, 07:52 AM

Right, there's no excuse for suddenly stopping contact with me as in not even a, as you said, 60 sec "hey how have you been" and for this... I ignored his text last night. He has a lot of work to do to get me back now that he has "disappeared" so if he wants to make a plan now instead of just telling me he misses me, hopefully he will... I just hope by me ignoring him he doesn't think I'm not interested.

Thanks so much for your help!

redhed35 · Oct 18, 2009, 07:55 AM

Think you have a plan there, unless he is asking you out on a date and making plans to see you, he is only keeping you on the back burner as a back up plan.

Its easy to fall for the 'i miss you' and I'm so busy'... if he misses you so much he will get his act together and ask you out..

In the meantime,go about your life and keep dating,its supposed to be fun and you have no commitment to this guy..

dream11207 · Oct 18, 2009, 07:58 AM

Exactly. In last nights text he didn't ask a question or set up a date that would have required a response... so I feel it's fine to ignore it. Hoping he'll reach out again sooner than later in which case I will happily respond.

Thanks so so much.

redhed35 · Oct 18, 2009, 08:02 AM

Just wanted to add one more thing..

Have you ever noticed the guys you don't like and ignore always come back and look for a date even though you keep knocking them back, and the guys you like that you contact lose interest quickly...

Treat the guys you like the same way as the guys you don't like... as least in the beginning!

dream11207 · Oct 18, 2009, 08:06 AM

So glad you said that! Yes that is true... its hard to tell when you can move past the games and act like you actually like him though! I guess when that time comes, I'll just know and feel comfortable showing that I like him instead of pushing him away... oh the games of dating, it's like if you don't play, you lose.