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babyshooter6 · Oct 14, 2009, 05:42 PM

I can't seem stop second guessing myself. I notice that avoid saying too much in conversations because I have such a fear of saying something stupid. I hate it. I feel like I come off as having a flat personality. I care so much about what others think of me and I don't want to care at all. I also can't help but take criticism personally. I don't know what to do.

Clough · Oct 14, 2009, 09:23 PM

Hi, babyshooter6!

In your day-to-day activities, are you around people a lot and interacting with them on a regular basis, please?

Thanks!

I wish · Oct 15, 2009, 08:38 AM

Why do you think kids always say stupid things? Because they haven't learnt yet. As they talk more and as they get older, they learn to screen out certain things and put more emphasis on other things.

This might sound contradicting, but in order to gain more confidence, you need to talk more. But in order to talk more, you need more confidence.

But I prefer the first approach: "talk more to gain confidence". You can't tell if what you said is stupid until you actually say it. If it turns out stupid, then don't say it again. If it turns out to be good, then you'll know that you can repeat it. With time, you will get better and better because you'll have more experience with conversations, that's how you build confidence.

But if you don't talk enough, you won't be able to learn and you'll be stuck with your confidence level. You just need to push yourself outside of your comfort zone. Let loose.

But you can also take baby-steps. If you're unsure of whether you should say something, then confied in someone close to you, friends or relatives, to see what they think before you blurt it out. Or you can always ask us, we don't know you personally, so we can't judge you. We're just here to help!

babyshooter6 · Oct 17, 2009, 11:28 PM

Originally Posted by Clough

Hi, babyshooter6!

In your day-to-day activities, are you around people a lot and interacting with them on a regular basis, please?

Thanks!

If school counts, then yes, kind of.

Clough · Oct 17, 2009, 11:45 PM

Hi again, babyshooter6!

Yes, school counts! It's also a training ground for how a person might act in any number of types of situations outside of the school setting and beyond.

What kind of classes are you taking, please?

Also, what did you think of the ideas that I wish presented to you?

Thanks!

redhed35 · Oct 18, 2009, 12:43 AM

Hey,builing up your confidence takes time.

Setting yourself personal goals and achieving them,really boosts your confidence..

Do you have a hobbie,or an outside interest?

Talking about something that you have an interest in,with other people with similar interests will give you lots to talk about.

Gemini54 · Oct 18, 2009, 05:38 PM

I can understand the insecurity you are feeling.

A really good way to not feel like this is to put the focus on other people. Currently, your focus is on yourself - what did I say? Did I sound stupid? What are they thinking of me? Etc etc.

Try to shift your focus so that it is on the other person. Be interested in them rather than thinking about yourself in any conversations. What do THEY think? Cultivate a genuine interest in other people and listen to what they say. Ask questions when they talk - most people love to talk about themselves and their jobs, families, hobbies, opinions.

Asking questions will help to connect you with people and hopefully lessen your feelings of insecurity and inferiority. Once you feel more confident, you may feel less sensitive to criticism.