[albinonerd13]

I'm writing the screenplay for a comedy that I came up with the concept for. Basically, it's about a boy who's a junior in high school and he's pretty awkward and unsuccessful with women, but then a macho man named Vincent Jones (who is actually just a figment of his imagination) comes into his life to coach him and make him knowledgeable in the ways of the world. I've written some funny scenes, but there are a couple concerns. The first one is that I don't think the first few scenes are funny enough... I want to set it up to be a comedy, but the first few scenes are just the same awkward banter between the protagonist and his friends. There are a couple funny moments, but the beginning isn't funny as a whole. Also, I feel like I rushed into the main storyline. So basically, how do I make the beginning funnier, and how do I stretch it out more? Any type of answer is appreciated.

[Clough]

Hi, albinonerd13!

Would you like to share any of what you've written on this thread? There would be those of us who would be willing to take a look at it and give you some advice as to how you might make improvements to it.

If you wouldn't like what you've written directly exposed on the thread, you could attach what you've written in a document format of some kind to a post.

Thanks!

[Eileen G]

Good advice so far.

Another thing would be to read it out loud. It's amazing how often something that looks one way on the paper is completely different when you hear it out loud. Try reading it to some children and see how they react.

[Clough]

Hi, Eileen G!

That was an excellent idea about reading it out loud! Things can take on a different perspective that way.

Thanks!

[phlanx]

Consider Homer Simpson!

A character must be understood so when the humour is laid out, the meaning is understood.

We know homer is awkward with women, to the point where stupidty takes on a whole new meaning.

But it is knowing and understanding his life that we feel connected to him

An underdog in every sense of world - a man who last if ever in the line when character was being handed out

And through it all we all love and cherish the moments when he comes out with lines like

"I do not apologise for my behaviour - I am sorry that is just the way I am" !

The point is - have considered that sadness and sorrow must bestow a character so the laughter can be seen for what it is

Or have just watched way too many simpsons :)