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mackenzie04 · Oct 9, 2009, 05:29 PM

So my boyfriend and I recently had unprotected sex (yes I know, it was really stupid) but now I'm getting worried I might be pregnant. I haven't started my period yet, 4 days late. My boyfriend, at the time we had sex, was 17 and now he's 18. The first thing I'm wondering is could this get him into any legal trouble because I know age of consent is 16 and whatnot but he wasn't 18 at the time.. my next question is how do I tell my mom? I think she has suspisions but id really like to tell her on my own and not have her find out from someone else. I want to tell her that I plan on having the baby and staying with my boyfriend who is willing and ready to raise a child. I'm worried though that she will flip out and kick me out of the house or something drastic like that. And I'm really worried about what my dad will do. I don't live with him anymore because he's recently got into hard drugs and is capable of doing a lot of damage to myself or my unborn child or my child's father. Please, if you have any advice at all on anything I've asked its welcome. But please don't tell me how stupid and immature I've been because, believe me, I know and I'm trying to grow up so I can bring a baby into this world. Thank you.

Alty · Oct 9, 2009, 05:48 PM

First, let's find out if you're pregnant and then go from there.

Have you taken a home pregnancy test? You're only 4 days late, it may still be too early to test, but that would be my first step.

Do that, find out if you have something to worry about, then we can help you with the rest.

One thing. I want a promise. If you aren't pregnant, please be more careful next time. You're only 15. There's a reason why we don't approve of teen sex. It's not because we're mean, it's because we know how hard raising a child is, even as an adult, with a husband, a house, two jobs, food in the fridge, it's really hard. At 15 it may as well be impossible, and the only one that will suffer is the child.

You may not want to hear it, but you're still a child. You may feel grown up. You may think you're mature, but really, we all did at your age. Trust me, at 15, you don't know squat about what it takes to be a mother or an adult.

Not trying to be mean, just telling you the truth.

Now, buy the test and we'll go from there. Okay? I'm crossing my fingers for you. :)

J_9 · Oct 9, 2009, 05:53 PM

Hun, as Alty said... Don't put the cart before the horse. Let's find out if you are pregnant first. Get a HPT and use it when you first get up in the morning and pee.

The stress from thinking you are pregnant might be what is delaying your period. You are only 15, so most likely, your periods are not 100% regular yet and this may not even be considered late.

Alty is right. Raising a child is very hard work. Not only am I a mother of 4 children, but I also deliver babies for a living.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 9, 2009, 06:06 PM

I will agree with the above posters, don't start buying diapers till you get a pregnancy test and find out if you are or not. Just the stress of thinking you could be, can make your period late.

And just raising a child is a serous issues ( I am a father of 5 boys) and a sigle father twice.

If you are, get with your mom and work this out with her

rockstrzfem · Oct 12, 2009, 04:17 PM

Hi hon, I agree with those above me. I work for a women's center in Pennsylvania. Go to a trusted clinic or with a friend to get an over the counter test (they are pretty accurate). IF you are in fact pregnant, you should weigh your options including continuing the pregnancy, adoption, or abortion. The laws are different in every state. Most clinics will offer some sort of counseling and if you decided to terminate the pregnancy they will tell you what you need to do. If you want to keep the baby, they can give you paperwork to fill out for help from the state including medical insurance, cash assistance or food stamps along with a list of organizations that can help with food and housing if needed. IF you decide on adoption they can give you referrals and options about opening an adoption plan and making sure your biological child will remain in a safe environment. Remember it is YOUR decision, it is YOUR body.

In regards to the age situation, if you go to a clinic and tell them that your boyfriend is over the age of 18, legally they have to report it, however if you say that it was consensual and your parents know about your relationship then the state doesn't really pursue any legal action, if you are a minor however, and your parents are unaware of your relationship, they can pursue legal action against him. Your best bet is to talk to your parents first... depending on where you live they may need to be involved in this process, in some states minors have more rights than others when it comes to this. I hope this helps! Good luck sweetie!

ScottGem · Oct 12, 2009, 04:27 PM

Laws vary from state to state. We would need to know where you live to be able to tell for sure how much trouble he may be in.

Since 16 is the most common age of consent, then its likely you were under it. It is also likely that whatever OB-Gyn you go to will be required to report your underage pregnancy. Whether the father will be prosecuted will depend on a number of factors.

rockstrzfem · Oct 12, 2009, 04:28 PM

Like I said, it depends on the state. We report all statutory, but the state rarely follows through on consensual cases. Of course it matters about her age as long as she is not the legal age of consent, the charges may change dependent on the age difference as well. If she does not want to press charges, her parents still can. Our clinic abides by these laws, I know what I'm talking about.

ScottGem · Oct 12, 2009, 04:37 PM

You are new here, so I'm going to cut you some slack. But your second response is different from your first one. In your first response you said they have to report if she tells them the father was over 18. But what matters is the age of the mother in this case. You also said that if it was consensual and the parents approve it wouldn't be prosecuted. But in many states that wouldn't be true. As I said in another thread, we pride ourselves on accuracy here.

rockstrzfem · Oct 12, 2009, 04:42 PM

And I work for a clinic where we deal with this on a daily basis and I'm just telling you what happens there. We have excellent counselors and we abide by all laws :)

ScottGem · Oct 12, 2009, 04:53 PM

I'm not saying you don't. But either you are mistating the laws or they are different from most states.

J_9 · Oct 12, 2009, 04:53 PM

Originally Posted by rockstrzfem

And I work for a clinic where we deal with this on a daily basis and I'm just telling you what happens there. We have excellent counselors and we abide by all laws :)

And I'm an OB nurse. We are, where I live, required to report all statutory cases whether consensual or not.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 12, 2009, 05:37 PM

If the child is under the state age of consent, and is pregnant, it is law that it be reported. Since it is a crime. Now of course most clinics will state false ages for the girls, or merely not report it since it could stop them perhaps doing the procedure and cost them profit. Or make other girls go to other places if they get the rep of reporting.

Remember your first, and second and so on posts are often reviewed, and esp on new posters, if there are issues in different answers you will be called on it.

JudyKayTee · Oct 12, 2009, 06:41 PM

Originally Posted by rockstrzfem

And I work for a clinic where we deal with this on a daily basis and I'm just telling you what happens there. We have excellent counselors and we abide by all laws :)

All right - what State? What you have posted is certainly not true in any State I have researched so I would like to research "your" State.

vintagedoll1940 · Oct 12, 2009, 06:50 PM

Hey hun,I've been there already its all very comfusing (I turned out not to be pregnant btw)Im from nyc in our public schools we have nurses we can talk to so may I suggest if you are from nyc that you do so they can really help.From what I know you have to wait a certain amount of time before you can even tell if your pregnant so it really all depends on how long ago you had sex.I believe you can take the test 2 weeks later or a week I'm not sure but what I think its best is to talk to an adult who you know you can trust and you know they would be able to help.

By the way don't call yourself stupid or imature we are all in this website seeking help no judgments.

Alty · Oct 12, 2009, 07:07 PM

Originally Posted by vintagedoll1940

hey hun,ive been there already its all very comfusing (i turned out not to be pregnant btw)Im from nyc in our public schools we have nurses we can talk to so may i suggest if you are from nyc that you do soo they can really help.From what i know you have to wait a certain amount of time b4 u can even tell if your pregnant soo it really all depends on how long ago you had sex.I believe you can take the test 2 weeks later or a week im not sure but what i think its best is to talk to an adult who you know you can trust and you know they would be able to help.

btw dont call yourself stupid or imature we are all in this website seeking help no judgments.

Hi vintage, welcome to the site.

Please see the rules regarding text talk, it's not allowed on this site. Use the best English you're capable of please.

Thank you.

Mods, maybe this thread should be moved to pregnancy and motherhood?