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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #1

    Nov 2, 2006, 08:43 AM
    For the ladies
    One day my housework-challenged
    husband decided to wash his Sweat-
    shirt. Seconds after he stepped into

    the laundry room, he shouted to me,
    What setting do I use on the washing

    machine?" "It depends," I replied.
    "What does it say on your shirt?" He
    yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

    And they say blondes are dumb...
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
    "I am going to make you the happiest

    woman in the world." The woman replies,
    "I'll miss you..."
    ----------------------------------------------------------
    "It 's just too hot to wear clothes today,"
    Jack says as he stepped out of the

    shower, "honey, what do you think the
    neighbors would think if I mowed the

    lawn like this?" "Probably that I married
    you for your money," she replied.
    ----------------------------------------------------------
    Q: What do you call an intelligent,

    good looking, sensitive man?
    A: A rumor
    ----------------------------------------------------------
    A man and his wife, now in their 60's,

    were celebrating their 40th wedding
    anniversary. On their special day a

    good fairy came to them and said that
    because they had been so good that

    each one of them could have one wish.
    The wife wished for a trip around the

    world with her husband.

    Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/

    cruise tickets in her hands. The man
    wished for a female companion 30 years
    younger...
    Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
    Gotta love that fairy!
    ----------------------------------------------------------
    Dear Lord,
    I pray for Wisdom to understand my

    man; Love to forgive him; And Patience
    for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray

    for Strength, I'll beat him to death

    AMEN
    ---------------------------------------------------------
    Q: Why do little boys whine?
    A: They are practicing to be men.
    ---------------------------------------------------------
    Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
    A: Trustworthy.
    --------------------------------------------------------
    Q: What does it mean when a man is

    in your bed gasping for breath and
    calling your name?
    A: You did not hold the pillow down

    long enough.
    ---------------------------------------------------------
    Q: Why do men whistle when they are

    sitting on the toilet?
    A: It helps them remember which end

    they need to wipe.
    ----------------------------------------------------------
    Q: How do you keep your husband

    from reading your e-mail?
    A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction

    Manuals"
    KMSRyana's Avatar
    KMSRyana Posts: 142, Reputation: 26
    Junior Member
     
    #2

    Jan 12, 2007, 12:46 PM
    Good jokes
    SINGLE4's Avatar
    SINGLE4 Posts: 189, Reputation: 33
    Junior Member
     
    #3

    Jan 12, 2007, 01:01 PM
    Hee Hee... thank you for sharing them tal!

    The pillow over the husband's head and him gasping for air reminds me of the last encounter with my ex-husband:D... or maybe I just drempted about it:eek:! (kidding)
    magprob's Avatar
    magprob Posts: 1,877, Reputation: 300
    Ultra Member
     
    #4

    Jan 12, 2007, 01:02 PM
    I have just one word for you. TURNCOAT
    KMSRyana's Avatar
    KMSRyana Posts: 142, Reputation: 26
    Junior Member
     
    #5

    Jan 12, 2007, 02:29 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by magprob
    TURNCOAT
    Trying to figure out who the turncoat is, lol.
    KMSRyana's Avatar
    KMSRyana Posts: 142, Reputation: 26
    Junior Member
     
    #6

    Jan 12, 2007, 02:38 PM
    Just ran across this one, to further the thread...

    A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind
    Of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is
    In her menstrual cycle.

    For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and
    Masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to
    Be more attracted to the face of a man with tape over his mouth and a spear
    Lodged in his chest.

    No further studies are expected.
    magprob's Avatar
    magprob Posts: 1,877, Reputation: 300
    Ultra Member
     
    #7

    Jan 12, 2007, 11:58 PM
    What if she likes a man with a face like a slightly distorted bull dog? This would take me a long way in understanding what makes mine tick.

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