[angelkitten]

I have so many problems with my mind I wouldn't even know where to begin...

I went to a therapist once and when talking to her I kept going on about my mother & from my description she said she thinks my mother has a boarderline personality disorder...

I think it may just be me with the disorder because I keep hurting everyone around me and I have been playing with peoples emotions now... for instance I have 2 ex boyfreinds who love me like mad and just want me to be with them... I keep leaving one for the other and vias versa... its been 5 times now and one of them is now a drug addict when Im not there... now I have a girl who likes me and now I have just hurt her... I need to stop playing games with them but I don't know how... I find myself wanting to leave the relationship as soon as the other one begs me enough... but I also love them both?? One is a safe guy and Im not sure if it is love or comfort the other I think is love but he is a guy who likes to be his own person and I want his constant attention just like the safe one gives me.. :confused:


How do i find out if there is something metally wrong with me or if its just something I need counciling for??? Please Help Me:confused:

[imation]

Hi, well your definitely in quite a predicament... as for having a mental disorder... I guess I haven't heard enough of the story to make an informed decision, but as far as I can tell you should be OK...
I think you just have unsure emotions about these 2 guys, and if being confused is a mental illness then almost everyone fits into the category.
So what I propose you do is, sit down with the guys in the same place for the same amount of time ( at different times obviously) and have a conversation, find out which one you connect with more and who you feel more comfortable around, you will then have your answer
I hope I helped a little

[scotchtape]

I agree. I think that you are more confused emotionally than anything. If being unable to decide between two guys is the only thing, then that's not a mental disorder - it's just life. I wonder how much time you have spent with each of the guys. If it's been a sufficient amount of time, then you need to pluck up the courage and choose one of them. Stringing them both along is obviously not making you happy, and it is definitely not nice or fair to them. They don't deserve to be treated that way, just as you would not want some guy to treat you in that manner.

You said that you are in love with one, and feel protected and appreciated by the other? Always go with your heart when it comes to love, I say. Talk with the one you are in love with and see if he can make you feel as appreciated with him as you do the other one. Does that make sense? If he loves you, he'll do what it takes.

[Sentra]

I say this without antagonizing you, truly: Leave them both alone, you are only hurting them more just to benefit your own needs. It may eventually become more selfish, and you could end up losing them both, and not to mention their friendship and trust.

Keen and brave of you to worry about your own mental health, speak to a counselor and try to seek out a support group in your area.

[angelkitten]

In answer to how long I spent with each... I spent 2 and a half years with the one I fee safe and loved by. Then 2 years off & on with the one I think I love.

I have just left the safe one because I knew it was not fair on him and I told him honestly that it was nothing he did or didn't. I have known him since I was 8 years old and I was in love with him for 10 years before we dated. We never fought in the whole time we were together.

With the one I think I love its more he is a very passionate guy who shows his emotions with such an intesity that it makes me feel it but he also has issues with his mother and when he was upset took it out on me by telling me to leave him alone and he would brood for days over it.

It was 3 months off and ones between them both for a year now after the 2 years

[angelkitten]

However its not the boyfreind situation that has my mind so Broken...

The main reason why I kept leaving them was because my mother would point out all the bad things about my boyfreinds and would tell me all the horrible things that happened to her growing up... she had a pretty horrific chidhood that she reminds me of every day and I don't know if that has something to do with my behaviour with men... Also I have tried confronting her about not telling me the negatives all the time and she takes is so personally and hard no matter how I say it to her it still comes across as Im blaming her...

Am I blaming her??

I know I do use her as an excuse for almost every thing in my life and also I blame my partners when I am with them... But why do I tell my partners that I am to blame for things and then leave them?

I am confused and I do need counciling but I don't know what kind of conciling as I have a lot of little things dating back many years..

I blame my mother for my failures in relation ships...

* for holding me back from dating till I was 18...
Because when I did turn 18 & date I got date raped and stayed with the guy for 3 months because I was ashamed he took it so quickly... I let him keep ripping my insides and it hurt so much that I still to this day do not enjoy sex... it has alwaysed hurt but some times less than others.

* I blame her for always telling me all the horrible things that men can do... (I have a biological father that used to bash her for 7 years before she left him... I have never met him and have only known the dad who has always been there since I was born & has loved me better than any real father could)...

* I blame her for always telling me guys are manipulating me and hurting me when it is her not accepting them that hurts me...

The guy who I think I love who I'll name "Mr Exciting" tells me I should try fixing things with him instead of running away all the time... he knows about "Mr Safe" and knows it was a safety thing for me but says he still hated me doing it... He is a very expressive person who really doesn't let what others think of him get between him and his heart and he showed that.. his mistake was seeing how torn I was between him and my mothers dislike of him. Which every day of the relationship was spent with her telling me I was unhappy snd needed to leave him before her destroys me... but I felt it was her destroying me because I liked a lot of my relationship and beleaved that you take the good with the bad but she thought I needed other vital things like a relationship based on being boring and safe... she hated his unpredictability but I was exactly the same as him we both are so alike its not funny except that I worry what others think and he doesn't.

She said he wanted her to stroke his ego but telling her he had trust issues (which he had every right to have because I cheated and he agreed to work through it) and perhaps it was true he wanted her to say no my daughter loves you.

Is it right for her to judge him so harshly or is his ego a bad thing?

I do have a lot of issues with my mum and despite how much I love her she is killing me inside because I just want her to accept my choices and she won't... because she will scan and scan the poor guy until she finds faults and will tell me to leave him if he shows even early signs of anything my real father did to her...

Every guy will want reasurance right? So how much reasurance is too much?