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thisisrightnow · Oct 7, 2009, 02:42 PM

So I've been seeing a guy for almost two weeks now. We've been on two dates, and he's going to come back here this coming up weekend. He made it no secret that he just likes to see where things go, which I'm fine with. Last night we were talking on AIM and he brought up the fact that I almost moved in with my ex (boyfriend at the time) after less than 3 months of dating. Which is true cause we were sort of long distance at the time and I wanted to end the distance. The guy I am currently seeing lives 3 hours from me. So he asked when I was going to move in with him. I could sense he was joking, or I think he was anyway. I was like, well considering the fact that I'm not even your girlfriend yet, :-P Then he said something about how he would have to tell all the other girls before he changed his status.

So I can't help but think he is going to ask me to be his girlfriend when I see him this weekend. What do you guys think? Was that his subtle way of hinting that he did want to become exclusive? I would think if he didn't, he wouldn't of said that and/or would had ignored the subject. And when he asked me about me moving in with my ex, we weren't even talking about anything related to that. He just brought it up completely on his own.

And he just im'ed me a bit ago and randomly asked if I'd be able to move there in the next two months, like right after he mentioned getting some pizza for dinner. I'm was like, why two months? He goes, I already know I won't be able to drive there a lot. I had considered moving there, but it rides more so on the fact how soon I would be able to find a job there. I told him I would talk to him about it when he was at home, since he asked me that when he was leaving work.

Thoughts?

redhed35 · Oct 7, 2009, 02:54 PM

What are my thoughts...

RUN AWAY RUN AWAY!

Seriously, you know him 2 weeks,in jest you said you moved in with your ex in a short time,and then he suggests pizza and oh by the way when are you moving in!

Time to put a halt to his gallop...

1. you don't know him.

2.you don't know him

3. you getting where I'm going with this.

Pull things back if you do really like him,slow down... if after a few months of dating you want to become exclusive,fair enough..

I would not worry if he's going to ask you to be his girlfriend,but his motives for suggesting to move house and job.

At 2 weeks,he should not even know your pets name.

thisisrightnow · Oct 7, 2009, 03:05 PM

He knew my pets names after like a day of talking. We met on a dating site and I actually share a good amount of info on there about myself, and I mentioned I had two cats and mentioned their names. We talk everyday on AIM and then have seen each other every weekend, so we've spent a lot of time talking and getting to know each other, so therefore we do know a good amount about each other.

Becoming exclusive at 2 weeks isn't a problem with me. I can sort of see where he would be coming from as far as the distance goes. When I was with my ex, he mentioned moving in with him/to this city after like a month of dating. It obviously never happened cause we broke up. But the guy I am currently seeing, he is someone I can see myself getting serious with and moving in at some point. I feel like a compromise could made instead of asking if I would move in with him in the next two months. I really can't determine that.

I think part of him thinks that since I was going to move in with my ex after less than 3 months of dating, that kind of gave him the go to ask me to move in with him in the same frame of time. There were also different circumstances at the time, though. I didn't have a job and was looking for a job near my ex, so I wouldn't of had to leave a job.

jaime90 · Oct 7, 2009, 03:06 PM

I agree COMPLETELY with redhead35. 2 weeks? That's a little ridiculous. Most people don't even consider each other "friends" in two weeks, let alone "girlfriend or boyfriend," And if he's going to be your "boyfriend" he should be your best friend too.

You don't know this guy, and considering the most dangerous place for the average woman to be is in her own home with a male partner- I would definitely not even consider having him move in. I'm not saying that a woman shouldn't live with a man, but no woman should live alone with a man that she barely knows. After all- your ex moved in after 3 months of dating and look how well that worked out.

Face the facts- they might be harsh, but they're true. It's either marriage, or a break-up- you choose because there's no other options. I suggest you don't even pursue this guy until you know that he's the one or potential spouse material- why play around with each other's emotions if you're not in it for life-? Love is not a game, it's commitment, and marriage is ultimately entrusting your life to someone else. I mean, I'm only 19, but I'm engaged, and this is something that's completely obvious to me.

Also, I'm engaged to a Marine that I've known for over 4 years now so I know all about long-distance relationships, I also know about him living with me. He moved in with me for a few months 3 and 1/2 years after I met him. I don't know anything about ex's though- he is my one and only. And trust me, this guys knows your pet names but does he know your true self? Do you know his true self?

Scleros · Oct 7, 2009, 03:11 PM

Originally Posted by thisisrightnow

Thoughts?

Don't know how long you've known each other, but if you are strangers that have only dated for two weeks - waaaaay too fast. In fact, tack on a month every time he brings it up. He may want to become exclusive, or he may just not want to have to waste gas driving 3 hours to have his way with you and then hack you into little bits.

thisisrightnow · Oct 7, 2009, 03:47 PM

So, after I tell him how I felt about the entire thing. He goes, "don't take it too seriously. I meant it as a joke before". I was like, why would you even bring it up then? He goes, cause I did? He said he didn't think I'd think he was serious. I told him I thought he was serious cause he said before he has a tendency to rush into things. He goes, yes I do. So I told him even if it WAS meant as a joke, the same information still applies and I still feel the same. I basically told him that I would consider moving in with him at some point possibly, but I do think we need to know more about each other before we make that kind of step. I also told him that I would only move there because he WANTS me to, not because of the distance/money factor. I don't know if he said that was a joke because of my response and he may had felt rejected.

thisisrightnow · Oct 7, 2009, 03:50 PM

Originally Posted by jaime90

I agree COMPLETELY with redhead35. 2 weeks? That's a little ridiculous. most people don't even consider each other "friends" in two weeks, let alone "girlfriend or boyfriend," And if he's going to be your "boyfriend" he should be your best friend too.

You don't know this guy, and considering the most dangerous place for the average woman to be is in her own home with a male partner- I would definitly not even consider having him move in. I'm not saying that a woman shouldn't live with a man, but no woman should live alone with a man that she barely knows. After all- your ex moved in after 3 months of dating and look how well that worked out.

Face the facts- they might be harsh, but they're true. It's either marriage, or a break-up- you choose because there's no other options. I suggest you don't even pursue this guy until you know that he's the one or potential spouse material- why play around with each other's emotions if you're not in it for life-? love is not a game, it's commitment, and marriage is ultimately entrusting your life to someone else. I mean, I'm only 19, but I'm engaged, and this is something that's completely obvious to me.

Also, I'm engaged to a Marine that I've known for over 4 years now so I know all about long-distance relationships, I also know about him living with me. He moved in with me for a few months 3 and 1/2 years after I met him. I don't know anything about ex's though- he is my one and only. And trust me, this guys knows your pet names but does he know your true self? Do you know his true self?

For the record, my ex and I never did live together. We were only together for 3 months and broke up for various reasons. I never did move in with him cause I couldn't find a job near him. It ended up taking me quite a while to find a job. We broke up mid February and I didn't find a job until August.

And you're right. We don't truly know each other. Though if you read my previous post above, he said that he said that as a joke. It explains it more. I'm not sure why he would make a joke about that. Unless he just said it was a joke because he felt rejected based on my response?

jaime90 · Oct 7, 2009, 03:51 PM

My advice: don't move in with him until you're married. The only reason my fiancé lived with me is because otherwise we would've both been living on the street. Once we're financially good, we're done with that. You guys need to cool your jets.

thisisrightnow · Oct 7, 2009, 03:56 PM

Originally Posted by jaime90

My advice: don't move in with him until you're married. The only reason my fiance lived with me is because otherwise we would've both been living on the street. Once we're financially good, we're done with that. You guys need to cool your jets.

Personally, I won't wait quite THAT long. I need to know if I am capable of living with someone before I even marry them. Two people could be perfect together, but once they move in.. They notice the other persons flaws, every day behavior they do that you don't particularly care for. Same goes for sex. I'm not the type that waits to have sex until marriage. It's just one of the several compatibility factors.

jaime90 · Oct 7, 2009, 04:18 PM

But do you want your relationship based on sex and you two living together? Why do you think that people are jumping from relationship to relationship these days? Because they're basing it on sex and physical closeness. One person just doesn't satisfy them so they skip them and move onto the next. Every time you have sex with someone who isn't your spouse you're giving more and more of yourself away to boyfriends that just won't work out- until there is nothing left to give to your husband- not your first time having sex on the marriage bed, not the your first time living with someone, not even your first kiss- you will have nothing new to give to your husband because it was given to... how many other guys? It's a shame. (also statistics show that if you live together before marriage, you're more likely to divorce.)

BlackVY · Oct 7, 2009, 04:56 PM

Ok, just going to throw this in there...

So this guy 'joked' about you moving in with him already and it kind of freaked you out, since you were not even exclusive yet. Maybe he was jumping the gun there, and maybe the 'joke' wasn't as much of a joke as you think it was.

Maybe the guy was saying it just to test the waters and to see how you felt about him. Nobody wants to be shot down, so they say something as a 'joke' just to gauge your reaction.

I do think moving in this early is too soon and you need time to get to know each other PROPERLY first, and there is always time for that. You are smart when you said you will only move in with him if HE wanted you to, but you also should do it when YOU want to, when you feel its time.

Moving in is not as simple as just living with someone. It takes the relationship to the next level, so you must know that both of you are ready for it, and it's the right time. It will change your relationship and not everyone can handle the change, which might cause a breakup, so be careful, take your time and decide wisely...

thisisrightnow · Oct 7, 2009, 05:20 PM

For me, it's much much more than just sex and being intimate/physical. It's how I connect with them on an emotional level, too. You probably feel that way because you're only 19. But I am 25 so I think people my age tend to feel the whole waiting to have sex/moving in until marriage is ridiculous.

BlackVY · Oct 7, 2009, 05:30 PM

Ummm... I'm 25 too... but I think the waiting till marriage thing is the right thing to do for religious reasons. Also, I do understand things can go wrong if you have sex outside of marriage... big things can go wrong...

You know as well as anyone else that sex is not the only way to show emotion. If that's the only way you believe you can be close to someone, then something isn't right.

123nity · Oct 7, 2009, 06:02 PM

The fact that you asked for thoughts is indication enough to be wary . When you're not sure, don't! Take care, Thisisrightnow.

thisisrightnow · Oct 7, 2009, 06:26 PM

Originally Posted by BlackVY

Ummm... I'm 25 too... but I think the waiting till marriage thing is the right thing to do for religious reasons. Also, I do understand things can go wrong if you have sex outside of marriage... big things can go wrong...

You know as well as anyone else that sex is not the only way to show emotion. If thats the only way you believe you can be close to someone, then something isn't right.

That actually wasn't in response to you. It was in response to that other person that replied before you.

But while we're on the matter. I am not religious AT ALL. In fact, I think religion/the bible is a crock of sh*t, so I guess that would explain my whole not wanting to wait until marriage to have sex/move in with someone.

And of course I don't believe that sex is the only way to show emotion.

BlackVY · Oct 7, 2009, 06:29 PM

Originally Posted by thisisrightnow

That actually wasn't in response to you. It was in response to that other person that replied before you.

But while we're on the matter. I am not religious AT ALL. In fact, I think religion is a crock of , so I guess that would explain my whole not wanting to wait til marriage to have sex/move in with someone.

And of course I don't believe that sex is the only way to show emotion.

I know and I understand that, but I'm just stating my views on the sex outside of marriage concept you have. I'm with the other person on that issue...

jaime90 · Oct 8, 2009, 09:42 AM

Sex makes things complicated. I think it's not okay to have sex outside of marriage- for religious reasons too. My love language is physical touch, and I know that closeness isn't determined by the sex in a relationship. To me, physical affection without sexual intentions is far more meaningfull than physical affection with sexual intentions. I have a fiance- my one and only, and we have failed in that area, but we have found a way out. I know it's wrong, and it makes a relationship complicated- from experience.

BlackVY · Oct 8, 2009, 03:34 PM

Originally Posted by jaime90

Sex makes things complicated. I think it's not okay to have sex outside of marriage- for religious reasons too. My love language is physical touch, and I know that closeness isn't determined by the sex in a relationship. To me, physical affection without sexual intentions is far more meaningfull than physical affection with sexual intentions. I have a fiance- my one and only, and we have failed in that area, but we have found a way out. I know it's wrong, and it makes a relationship complicated- from experience.

We are definitely in the same boat there Jamie... stumbled a little along the way, but trying to get there in the end... wedding is next weekend for me... 1 more week to hold out... and both my fiance's and my love language is touch too... but mine is also affirmation... her's too, to some extent... physical touch without sexual intentions are always more meaningful... because it showing how you feel, not your desire to fulfill a physical need...

jaime90 · Oct 9, 2009, 09:36 AM

As long as we're off subject, it's nice to know that me and my fiancé are not alone in the struggle to overcome sexual temptation. God's making a way out for us. My love language is touch, his is quality time... wedding is beginning of next year for me- I don't have too long to hold out for either.