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lonelygirl111 · Oct 5, 2009, 11:22 AM

Hello everyone, I am a 20year old female. I will give you some background first.

My mom and dad broke up before I was even born. I lived with my mom till I was about 13 then moved with my dad because my mom couldn't afford a house and we had to live with my grandpa, which meant I had to take an hour long bus ride to school everyday. My dad lived a 10min walk away from the school. So I would usually just go to his house after school, sleep over.. etc. Eventually I ended up living with my dad. (Long story short.) My dad was addicted to harddrugs and excessive drinking. After I finished high school at 17 I moved with my mom. Who now lives by herself.

My mom currently lives in a little 1bedroom apartment. As soon as I moved in she told me we would find a 2 bedroom apartment. Its almost been 3years and still we are here. I have no where to put any of my stuff, when family comes over its so embarrassing like my dirty laundry is 1meter from them and stuff. My mom does have money now because of her dad(my grandpa) passed away 2years ago and she inheritated A lot.She isn't even working anymore also she owns now an iPhone, MACbook, $3000 worth of camera equipment, Wii, everything you name it.

Every time I try to talk to her about moving she gets all mad and says she doesn't want to talk about it. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm working now to save for college, so I can't move on my own, let alone I don't want to live by myself right now. I am to embarrassed to invite anyone over. I have no friends because I'm insecere about my living sitution.

Also I think my mom is depressed, she sits at home everyday, she has no friends, she says she isn't a people person. She never wants to do anything, she always feels sick. I tell her to please go to the doctor and she says she isn't THAT sick. I don't no what to do I feel so trapped in this 1bedroom and I;m SICK of it! I want to have my own room, get organized, start my life and I don't know what to do. Aren't moms suppose to help there children as much as they can?? Why isn't she helping me? Can someone please help me? Thank you so much for reading!

JudyKayTee · Oct 5, 2009, 11:29 AM

It's nice if parents are upstanding people who support their children in every way, including financially. Unfortunately it appears that your mother is not one of those people.

You cannot control what she does with her money so she can buy anything she wants and continue to live in a small apartment - if that is her choice.

If you have tried to talk to her and she will not listen, the situation is unbearable, you will have to move out and find your own apartment, perhaps with roommates, and then start to save for college - again.

You cannot force your mother to do something she does not want to do.

Perhaps you could return to your Grandfather's house - ?

JudyKayTee · Oct 5, 2009, 11:30 AM

Originally Posted by bama_pooh11

Hi! Idk why ur mom doesn't want to move. Maybe because she's sick. and u said u don't have any friends...I can be ur friend. there is no need in being embarrased in something u can't help. So don't be embarrassed. But u should try to talk to ur mom and tell her u dont want her to yell, u just want to talk ab it like adults!

How old are you? Please don't use text speak on the adult boards.

lonelygirl111 · Oct 5, 2009, 11:34 AM

Thank you for answering! I don't think she is "sick" I think she's depressed or something, because she never takes care of her body, she has lost all her teeth, she's eats weird, never excerises. ( she isn't overweight, I would say more underweight)
I have tired to talk iwith her believe me and she just ignores me and is interups me. Also I have found apartments but she doesn't want anything over$900 a month all inclusive. Which is super hard to find where I live. Also she has 2cats and she wants a dog so she wants a place that allows pets (also she told me the only reason she would want to move is to get a dog :S ) and she smokes so she wants that. There was an apartment for rent beside us 4months ago that was 2bedroom and the same landlords and everything and she said she didn't want to move because there were stairs and she didn't want to walk up them everyday... like man

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

It's nice if parents are upstanding people who support their children in every way, including financially. Unfortunately it appears that your mother is not one of those people.

You cannot control what she does with her money so she can buy anything she wants and continue to live in a small apartment - if that is her choice.

If you have tried to talk to her and she will not listen, the situation is unbearable, you will have to move out and find your own apartment, perhaps with roommates, and then start to save for college - again.

You cannot force your mother to do something she does not want to do.

Perhaps you could return to your Grandfather's house - ?

My grandfather has passed away 2years ago. I have no family to go to, they are all drugaddicts. If I did move I know my mom would be heartbroken because we do love each other but I just can't understand why she's like this.

JudyKayTee · Oct 5, 2009, 11:36 AM

Again, you cannot direct your mother's life. If you believe she has a health problem, including depression, is there someone you can talk to about it? Perhaps a relative she will listen to?

You are an adult. She doesn't even have to allow you to live with her.

These are her choices unless, of course, she is a danger to herself or others.

lonelygirl111 · Oct 5, 2009, 11:36 AM

She does tell me she WANTS to move but she never does anything about it

J_9 · Oct 5, 2009, 11:37 AM

You say she's lost all her teeth... do you know what drugs she may be using?

lonelygirl111 · Oct 5, 2009, 11:38 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Again, you cannot direct your mother's life. If you believe she has a health problem, including depression, is there someone you can talk to about it? Perhaps a relative she will listen to?

You are an adult. She doesn't even have to allow you to live with her.

These are her choices unless, of course, she is a danger to herself or others.

There's no other relatives she says she only trusts me and my brother no one else. So she doesn't commuicate with other family. I barely even know my family on that side.

Originally Posted by J_9

You say she's lost all her teeth....do you know what drugs she may be using?

I don't think its from drugs, As long as I can remember she has had teeth problems, I think its from smoking or maybe from pregnancy.

Wondergirl · Oct 5, 2009, 11:45 AM

Who does the grocery shopping? Who cleans the apartment? Does your mom go out of the apartment in a car maybe shopping at a mall? Does she pay her bills on time?

Ask your landlord or the building manager to let you know when there is a two-bedroom apartment available on the first floor.

Do you help with the rent and/or do chores around the apartment?

lonelygirl111 · Oct 5, 2009, 11:58 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Who does the grocery shopping? Who cleans the apartment? Does your mom go out of the apartment in a car maybe shopping at a mall? Does she pay her bills on time?

Ask your landlord or the building manager to let you know when there is a two-bedroom apartment available on the first floor.

Do you help with the rent and/or do chores around the apartment?

We don't live in an apartment building it's a house split into 3sections.

I clean my area and sometimes here and there. My mom never cleans anything, she only does the dishes but I usually cook so it evens out. I wanted to buy a mop the other day and she said no she doesn't like mops.

My mom doesn't own a car, I don't no why she says she likes taking the bus.. o.0 but she never goes out. I never have ANY privacy!! Sometimes she forgets to pay the bills but she has A lot of money so its just forgetting.

I don't pay rent because its only 600$ and I don't even have anything here she said not to worry. I used to pay half of groceries but she told me after she got all the money from my grandpa. I didn't need to pay her anymore because I am saving for school and she knows it I will have to wait longer to go to school if I'm paying her.

Also the landlords don't know I live here. Plus For the first year I lived here I slept on the floor! ON THE FLOOR and she didn't even care, I wasn't allowed to buy a bed. I wanted to get a sofabed but it cost quite a bit of money and I didn't have any money. Now I have one though

lonelygirl111 · Oct 5, 2009, 12:03 PM

By a lot of money I mean she got about $200,000.

JudyKayTee · Oct 5, 2009, 12:04 PM

Well, I see more problems than were originally posted, including the "landlords don't know you live there" problem.

If your mother is drowning in health problems or depression or whatever else, perhaps drugs, perhaps alcohol, I see you having to pitch in more around the house. Perhaps you don't need to help financially but if the apartment is a mess, maybe you need to clean it and keep it clean. Maybe that's your share of keeping the apartment.

I am a little concerned that your posts are all about you - have you any sympathy for your mother?

Again - how much money she has or doesn't have is really none of your business. It's hers, not yours, and she is under no obligation to live a lifestyle which you prefer. I have no idea what other assets or income she has but while $200,000 lump sum seems like a lot of money, it's really not if she's in her 40's and this is all she will have until she dies.

lonelygirl111 · Oct 5, 2009, 12:10 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Well, I see more problems than were originally posted, including the "landlords don't know you live there" problem.

If your mother is drowning in health problems or depression or whatever else, perhaps drugs, perhaps alcohol, I see you having to pitch in more around the house. Perhaps you don't need to help financially but if the apartment is a mess, maybe you need to clean it and keep it clean. Maybe that's your share of keeping the apartment.

I am a little concerned that your posts are all about you - have you any sympathy for your mother?

Again - how much money she has or doesn't have is really none of your business. It's hers, not yours, and she is under no obligation to live a lifestyle which you prefer.

I think its normal for a parent to provide their child with a least a bedroom,if they can. She gave my brother $10,000 because he bought a car and took out a loan and never paid it got and got indebt. So my brother gets $10,000, a car, no debt now. And I'm stuck living in a liviingroom./diningroom/kitchen./

I do worry about my mother I was just posting help for me to understand her more. I don't know why she doesn't a drive in life anymore. She seems depressed, insecere and everything. I want to help her but she won't let me. It really frusrating me in so many ways. I don't know what to do for her anymore. I really want her to be happy and have a goodlife but like I'm the daughter I don't know what to do. That's why I'm posting here for help

Wondergirl · Oct 5, 2009, 12:12 PM

Originally Posted by lonelygirl111

Sometimes she forgets to pay the bills but she has ALOT of money so its just forgetting.

Perhaps it would be a good idea to organize the bills and put them in one place, and even write up the checks for her and she can sign them before the payments are mailed out.

You could be a huge help to your mom for organizing and cleaning and shopping if you wanted to. That money amount might sound like a lot, but, believe me, it disappears fast. Did she put any into savings or a CD or an IRA? What happens when the money has been spent?

lonelygirl111 · Oct 5, 2009, 12:15 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Perhaps it would be a good idea to organize the bills and put them in one place, and even write up the checks for her and she can sign them before the payments are mailed out.

You could be a huge help to your mom for organizing and cleaning and shopping if you wanted to. That money amount might sound like a lot, but, believe me, it disappears fast. Did she put any into savings or a CD or an IRA? What happens when the money has been spent?

I will do more around the house to help her. She hasn't put any money into savings or anything. She just goes and buys a bunch of electronical stuff like camera stuff, computer stuff. I think maybe she got a bit overwelmed from it.

Also she thinks what I'm doing in my life is stupid. I want to be a makeup artist and she thinks makeup is stupid.

JudyKayTee · Oct 5, 2009, 12:25 PM

Originally Posted by lonelygirl111

I think its normal for a parent to provide their child with a least a bedroom,if they can. She gave my brother $10,000 because he bought a car and took out a loan and never paid it got and got indebt. So my brother gets $10,000, a car, no debt now. And im stuck living in a liviingroom./diningroom/kitchen./

I do worry about my mother I was just posting help for me to understand her more. I don't know why she doesnt a drive in life anymore. She seems depressed, insecere and everything. I want to help her but she wont let me. It really frusrating me in so many ways. I dont know what to do for her anymore. I really want her to be happy and have a goodlife but like im the daughter I dont know what to do. Thats why im posting here for help

It is unfortunate that she treats her children in a different fashion but without knowing a LOT of the background, it's hard to say why.

And you can't make her happy. Only she can make herself happy. You can do what you can to organize her, help her with bills, help her with cleaning.

If the main problem is that she did some things for your brother that she is not doing for you, again, without knowing a LOT about your family's dynamics, it is hard to say.

I don't know that a lot of children think their parents treat all siblings the same - things change, finances change, children have different needs, different goals, different requirements.

You want to be a make up artist? What are your plans? You said you are saving for college.

Wondergirl · Oct 5, 2009, 12:26 PM

Originally Posted by lonelygirl111

I think its normal for a parent to provide their child with a least a bedroom,if they can.

Nope. She owes you nothing. At the age of 20, you should be working full-time in some kind of career situation or be in college, living in your own apartment or the college dorm.

Does your mom ever leave the house? Does she cry and worry a lot? Does she get dressed in the morning or does she stay in her nightgown/robe all day? Does she care for herself with bathing and hair washing?

lonelygirl111 · Oct 5, 2009, 12:29 PM

She said would help me pay for school, it starts in 1 month. But I have to pay her back ( I don't care about paying her back but my brother doesn't have to pay her back) Also when I was a child I know I was bad like I mean young 5 or so. I never listened or anything but Now I am a goodkid. But my brother was always the good one like even now himand my mom will team up and bug me like saying omg makeup is so stupid like why would you do that and other things. I don't understand why

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Nope. She owes you nothing. At the age of 20, you should be working full-time in some kind of career situation or be in college, living in your own apartment or the college dorm.

Does your mom ever leave the house? Does she cry and worry a lot? Does she get dressed in the morning or does she stay in her nightgown/robe all day? Does she care for herself with bathing and hair washing?

I am working full time and planning on going to school soon. My mom rarely leaves the house only if she NEEDS to. I never see her cry but she does sit and look at nothing for long periods and I will ask what's wrong? And she's like oh nothing I don't feel good. Or something. And she does stay in her nightgown all day. She does shower but she doesn't take care of her body, she never excerises.

Wondergirl · Oct 5, 2009, 12:38 PM

Originally Posted by lonelygirl111

omg makeup is so stupid like why would u do that and other things. I dont understand why

Why did you choose that field? Have you checked into job possibilities and earnings? Would this be a special degree program, or a certificate through a community college? What about studying something that might have more earning power?

Barbers, Cosmetologists, and Other Personal Appearance Workers

lonelygirl111 · Oct 5, 2009, 12:40 PM

Also she says how she's ALWAYS tired

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Why did you choose that field? Have you checked into job possibilities and earnings? Would this be a special degree program, or a certificate through a community college? What about studying something that might have more earning power?

Barbers, Cosmetologists, and Other Personal Appearance Workers

Makeup is my passion I love it. There are a lot of opportunies because I live near a hugecity and I am really good at it. I will be getting a diploma at the end of the course. They just think makeup is has no importance to the world and its just a material thing. Which can be true, but I love the creativity of it. I am an artist