[vanheart]

Time is on your side, Don't forget that.

You are doing great.

But, like Tal said, healing also requires some work on your part. That means making sure that your thoughts are directed in positive ways. To do as much as you can to be aware and enjoy the moments you have w/o her.

After 7 months of NC & digging into who I am, I, at times still felt crappy & frustrated. But, you have to understand that you are in control of your thoughts and how you decide to act. Dwelling is useless. Don't make it a habit. Use those thoughts to better understand yourself & how to evolve.

Its been over a year for me & today I heard some things inadvertently about my ex that got me sentimental & aggravated, but those things are just passing thoughts & I use them only to help me move on.

When I have those thoughts, they really aren't good ones, and she still pops into my dreams, not so good there either. But, it certainly doesn't crush anymore. Its just residual. I still use them to understand my path. I say bring 'em on now. I can take it.

All I know know is that I am better w/o her. No matter what happens tomorrow.

This is all emotional homework. Don't forget to enjoy your life during this.

[Newguy2009]

I still have these feelings, almost daily and it's been 9 months for me. I will say that I have learned to focus on other things immediately after having such thoughts and yes, like you, these thoughts always seem to pop up when I'm alone or its quiet. If you are like me and you truly loved her, you will always have these thoughts but you have to learn to control them. Its natural, you aren't alone just remember that and just know that everything happens for a reason.

[Ther4peuticH3at]

Try to focus on the prospect of someone new.

[sadnlostedddd]

Yeah, thanks everyone I def. agree that I should at least start being open to being with someone else. I just really really need to get my confidence back cause its been absolutely shot, I know I've got a lot of things going for me, but for some reason, knowing these things, and having people tell me these things doesn't translate into self confidence.

I'm sure it will come though
But thanks a lot your comments everyone

[talaniman]

Work slowly and thoughtfully on building a life that you enjoy, with new friends and activities, will over time have your confidence soaring.

Just requires some work on your part is all.

[sadnlostedddd]

Well, it was bound to happen sometime, I saw the ex at the gym. She went out of her way to not walk past me though. I don't know why but it really really upset me. Kind of ruined my weekend. :-/

[Ther4peuticH3at]

Seriously, my heart nearly jumps out of my chest anytime I mistake the car in front of me or just on the same road as me to be my ex's. Uncontrollable breathing, shaky hands... even at times when I feel like I'm just so over all-of-it. I don't even know what would happen if I actually bumped into her. I imagine I'd just keel over and spaz out on the floor until the paramedics arrive ;)

I wouldn't worry about having something like that upset you. It's probably pretty normal to see feelings/emotions surface in a situation like that. Hey, imagine what you'd have felt like 5 months ago if this were to have happened then. I'm sure you're handling it better now than you would have then. So, just keep getting better man. One day that pot won't be hot enough to boil over so easily.

[emopunk7]

I know how you are feeling. You just have to keep holding on. You really must stay very busy. It is the only thing that saved me. I get a bit down here and there thinking about my ex but it so rarely happens now. It's amazing. I also met a new girl today. So, it reminded me of AMHD. I would be here a lot more but I am sooo busy and for some reason they changed this site a bit and now I can't go on my phone anymore. I always remember the ones who helped me here though. I don't think I would have done this good so fast. It's 11 months now and I am super fine being single. Although I am ready for a relationship now. I miss you all. Talk to you soon. Go out as much as you can and do new things... There is power in that for some reason!

[sadnlostedddd]

3 am here, just woke up, pretty distressed, still having terrible thoughts of the ex, I don't know why it takes your heart and your mind so long to sync up, I've known that we can't be together probably for about 10 months, yet deep, deep down my heart won't let me.
I was talking to a girl on Monday and she was telling me something I've never heard before, she told me that I have a pretty repulsive attitude towards other girls, which is why it seems nothing has taken off past friendship. I don't know if this is a product of me subconciously still loving the ex.

When I saw her the other day, I can't describe every emotionthat I had, I wanted to go up to her and hug her behind and kiss her like I did the last time I saw her, I don't know, it seemed surreal.

I feel a little bitter as well. I found out inadvertently that she and her boyfriend got back together soon after they broke up, and now they're on vaca. Together. And the reason why I feel bitter is because, she did everything that people would say not to do, I did the reverse. She's perfectly happy, I'm pretty damn miserable too. Yeah I mean I've grown as a person, but what good does that do me if I'm unhappy.

[martinizing2]

I was married twice. I was 17 the first time and had no idea what the hell I was doing or what love really was. Lasted 3 years that seemed like 30.

The second time (with 5 years between) I hit the jackpot.
We got along and agreed on almost everything. And could talk out what we didn't agree on.
She was a wonderful mother to our 2 kids and the object of my admiration and love.
Starting in the 11th year of our relationship the pieces began to fall away. We divorced close to the 12 yr mark.

The following YEARSi spent surviving day to day.

It is now over 20 years and on occasion my heart will ache and I still long for that feeling we once shared.

I have many female friends that are close and we share a bond. But none will ever go past that point.

And for me , it is bliss.

When a relationship ends. It takes time to heal, move on and decide your future.

If I can do it anybody can.

[vanheart]

Yeah, stop dwelling.

You guys are over. What's stopping you from realizing that?

Stop worrying about her, & her new boyfriend . Whattya you care anyway? She isn't coming back.

As far as what that girl said, she's telling you to regroup in other words. And she's right.

Spend some deserving time getting to know you before you jump & and cry later.

Doesn't seem like you want to learn from this one.

This girl is no longer in your life.

[martinizing2]

I was married twice. I was 17 the first time and had no idea what the hell I was doing or what love really was. Lasted 3 years that seemed like 30.

The second time (with 5 years between) I hit the jackpot.
We got along and agreed on almost everything. and could talk out what we didn't agree on.
She was a wonderful mother to our 2 kids and the object of my admiration and love.
Starting in the 11th year of our relationship the pieces began to fall away. We divorced close to the 12 yr mark.

The following YEARSi spent surviving day to day.

It is now over 20 years and on occasion my heart will ache and I still long for that feeling we once shared.

I have many female friends that are close and we share a bond. But none will ever go past that point.

And for me , it is bliss.

When a relationship ends. It takes time to heal, move on and decide your future.

If I can do it anybody can.

The years of struggling day to day that I talked about above, were the first years of becoming a single parent to my ,then, 7 yr old son.

[talaniman]

There are so many times in our lives that people, and events, trigger feelings in us, both good, and bad. What we learn is how to cope with those feelings to the best of our ability, and not let them take over our whole lives.

If we don't dwell on them, then they pass, but when we let them just hang around, they keep us from seeing, and enjoying other things that are good, going on around us.

YOUR happiness is YOUR responsibility, and YOUR choice, and YOU could have chosen to focus on a lot of other things besides an surprise encounter with a recent ex. By thinking, and rethinking we just keep re feeling what has gone on instead of changing our focus to something else. I think it was the added information about what she is doing, that magnified things out of proportion, but the solution is the same, put more emphasis on what you can do, and less on what she is doing.

[bella99]

Yea you need to start making a conscious decision to not dwell on her when she pops into your mind. Seriously my ex pops into my mind randomly through out the week - I think about it for about a minute and move on - tomorrow is his birthday and I know him and his new girlfriend will be celebrating but it doesn't bother me - I celebrate on my birthday - my life is good - so why shouldn't he do the same?

Your life will only be as good as you make it. Don't dwell on thinking about her.

You are probably pushing girls away because "none of them compare to your ex". Well you don't want someone who compares to your ex. If they compare to your ex, then its going to be the same situation in the end. Everyone is different - no one will be the same as her - and that's a good thing. You want someone new and unique. There is more than one person out there for everyone - you didn't miss the boat.

Date some people - don't be a jerk to them - don't push them away immediately - and you will find there are a lot of wonderful people in the world. Don't let one person who has obviously moved on ruined the best years of your life.

[Ther4peuticH3at]

Dude, you got to let it go... What you had was nice while it lasted, but it's over, so let it be over. There was a thread here that talked a lot about letting go and moving on. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...in-492039.html

You're on a launch pad with a thousand pounds of ex strapped to your back and you're wondering why you can't get off the ground. You got to stop holding onto her.

[arnold.12grman]

We're in a similar boat