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starlite1 · Mar 30, 2009, 08:15 AM

You don't think I pushed him away, do you?

Romefalls19 · Mar 30, 2009, 08:16 AM

Nope, I don't think you pushed him away. Just give him space for now to calm down. It will show a lot to him

starlite1 · Mar 30, 2009, 08:19 AM

Thanks Rome, I will do that. I don't want him to think that I am untrusting or needy. I love him too much to put him through that. I know for the past several months I have been, and I have to force myself not to do this.

Romefalls19 · Mar 30, 2009, 08:23 AM

Yep, I am doing it now. It would be VERY easy for me to fall into old habits and be upset that my fiancé is at work and unable to text me. I could be thinking she's cheating, she's flirting or talking to other guys. But I'd rather focus on that now that she has a job, we can save up and buy a house together, start wedding planning and paying off bills together. Your mind will think about what you put into it, so put positive things into it and you will feel better

starlite1 · Mar 30, 2009, 08:27 AM

Thanks Rome, I appreciate it. You are correct.

Romefalls19 · Mar 30, 2009, 08:28 AM

Not a problem, I am in the same boat as you are so I know the struggles you go through everyday.

starlite1 · Mar 30, 2009, 08:36 AM

It is so hard to think rationally at times. I am actually going to my psychiatrist this week to have them adjust my meds. Hopefully that will help me focus more on reality instead of negativity and dark thoughts.

starlite1 · Apr 8, 2009, 05:22 AM

Hi Everybody,

Starlite here again. I really could use your feedback on this. As you all know by now, I have insecurity/self esteem issues and was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder which I am taking medication for and going to therapy to get better. My boyfriend is so supportive and so loving and when I have my episodes of crying, (asking for constant reassurance from him; asking if wants to still eventually wants to marry me, ask him is he sure he isn't going to leave, asking him if he is sure that he will never cheat, etc) he sticks right by me even through his frustration. Usually after an episode and I calm down I want to make love to him. He won't because he feels that I am in a vulnerable state and he feels that he would be taking advantage of the situation (which when I think about it, he is being a complete gentleman and altruistic to say the least).

But, last night, I had an episode, but I didn't look to have sex. He did, and so we did. But afterward I started thinking (again, maybe it was my dark thought pattern coming back) why did HE pursue sex when I just had an episode? Is it because he doesn't care anymore? Or he is over me/us? I asked him gingerly after we had sex(because I didn't want to give him any more q & a grief because of earlier) if he still cares and he said, of course I do, if I didn't I wouldn't be here! (we live together). I guess what I am asking all of you is he having a change of heart? About us? About the relationship? Why did he come to me for sex after an episode, when he feels really uncomfortable and disrespectful if I come to him after an episode?

I wish · Apr 8, 2009, 06:05 AM

Yu should really ask him about it, he knows the answers to your questions.

Just a thought, but maybe he wasn't able to resist his urge cause you looked too pretty to him at that moment.

Just confront him about it but do it in a calm way. I would give him the benefit of the dobut, but still point it out to him. Don't outright accuse him, cause that could lead to an argument. Start of slowly: "I really respect how you are able to resist sex when I'm in a vulnerable state, etc." Tell him what you told us, that he's been a really great boyfriend, but then bring up the last time you had sex in a "calm" way.

talaniman · Apr 8, 2009, 06:07 AM

Do not build this into something that its not. Your tranfering your own doubts to him, that's not fair. You both enjoyed it didn't you? He has tried to reasure you, so don't let the dark thoughts cause you some impulsive actions, that will surely get in the way of two people enjoying themselves. Are you on meds?

Romefalls19 · Apr 8, 2009, 06:14 AM

I'm going to agree with Tal, I don't think it's anything to be worried about. You don't know you're doing it, but I do the same thing, you always look for the cons because you don't feel as though you are worthy enough of someone of his caliber of love. That's not true, you are worth loving and deserve the best

starlite1 · Apr 8, 2009, 06:21 AM

Thank you guys,

Tal - yes I am on meds, in fact the psychiatrist had to switch me to something different last week.

So you guys don't think he was being insensitive last night or uncaring?

I wish · Apr 8, 2009, 06:24 AM

Originally Posted by starlite1

Thank you guys,

Tal - yes I am on meds, in fact the psychiatrist had to switch me to something different last week.

So you guys don't think he was being insensitive last night or uncaring?

Well, I was trying to water down the situation, because I thought that the guy would be understanding enough.

But in reality, it could really break his heart when you tell him this stuff.

starlite1 · Apr 8, 2009, 06:31 AM

Hi I wish,

So you don't think I should even mention it? You are all right, it will open up a can of worms.

You don't think he is becoming uncaring or over us because he wanted sex last night do you?

redhed35 · Apr 8, 2009, 07:00 AM

Hey starlite 1,this is just a thought,but maybe he was trying in his own way to feel close to you,maybe he could'nt find the words to say how he feels and to comfort you?

starlite1 · Apr 8, 2009, 07:09 AM

Hi Redhed,

That is definitely, but not to sound weird, it wasn't slow, romantic sex, and it didn't come about that way... as great as it was, there was no 'romance or comfort' behind it.

slapshot_oi · Apr 8, 2009, 07:16 AM

He was probably horny and it was a coincidence that you had an episode the same night.

Don't think too hard.

redhed35 · Apr 8, 2009, 07:19 AM

Bugger.. perhaps he just wanted to forget for a while,get lost in the sex,get some release from the tension?

artlady · Apr 8, 2009, 07:21 AM

Originally Posted by starlite1

Hi I wish,

So you don't think I should even mention it? You are all right, it will open up a can of worms.

You don't think he is becoming uncaring or over us because he wanted sex last night do you?

All anyone here can do is speculate what his reason was.Maybe he thought that was what you wanted,since you have asked for that previously.

Maybe he needed that demonstration of love to feel better.

Maybe he was just in the mood after all the emotion of the moment and needed something to relax and comfort him and you.

You are over thinking this and the only way to know is to ask.I don't think it will open a can of worms to simply ask a question,particularity if it is bothering you.

He sounds very supportive and I am confidant he would not want you worrying over this.

starlite1 · Apr 8, 2009, 07:27 AM

Hi Guys,

Thanks again. I think that perhaps he did want to lose himself for a little while because of the tension like Redhed said. I can't say I would blame him. Also what slapshot mentioned too. Perhaps he was aroused, and wanted to have a mental release.

I don't know if I should ask him, or let it go. I don't want to have him feel that I constantly badger him about anything and everything.