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combat40 · Sep 21, 2009, 06:45 PM

My ex and I dated for about 3 years starting in our 11th grade year, and ending about a month ago, just as we were about to start our second year of college. We made it through one year of going to colleges about 45 minutes apart with no problems, it made our relationship stronger. We were very happy with each other even the morning when we broke up, but in the heat of a fight we decided we should break up, I asked her the next day if we should get back and she said No but that she was open to getting back together, she just wanted to be single and see if this is what she wants. I asked her and all of her friends if it was another guy, or if she was interested in looking for another guy and she said no that was the last thing she was looking to do.

I decided to give her space and we haven't talked for a month, I still don't think she is ready to talk so I'm going to give her more space, but at the same time, I'm always thinking about her. Should I just move on? Or should I continue to give her space and try to get her back after another month or two?

paxe · Sep 21, 2009, 07:08 PM

It looks like it's definitely over between you and her, you have been 3 years together and she in college, she most probably wants to see what is out there.

3 years is a long time and it's going to be very hard to heal and get over it but it can be done (I was able to get over it, and she broke up with me horribly). You need to start healing, go out, do tons of sport, meet new people... you will see that your life will get better if you continue to apply NC and take care of yourself.

DerelictHerds · Sep 21, 2009, 07:58 PM

I too believe it's over between you two. I don't think you want to be with a girl who second guesses having you in her life. Take this opportunity to grow into a stronger person.

I would not try to get her back. I wouldn't plan on it. She wouldn't risk losing you if she truly loved you. Sorry bud

friend4u178 · Sep 21, 2009, 08:22 PM

Originally Posted by combat40

I asked her the next day if we should get back and she said No but that she was open to getting back together, ?

Don't pay attention to this comment as it's a way for Dumpers to ease away slowly , it makes it easier on you at the beginning of the breakup and eases their guilt.

combat40 · Sep 28, 2009, 01:43 PM

Threads merged.

Does No Contact work when you're friends with your ex on Facebook?

If you don't talk to them or message them, but you can still see their page, are you really doing anything by not talking to them?

nikosmom · Sep 28, 2009, 01:46 PM

If you're trying to go NC, it's best to de-friend your ex on Facebook. No need to continue to see their page and get status updates even if you're not talking to them.

No contact means NO contact whatsoever.

Wondergirl · Sep 28, 2009, 01:47 PM

Why would you want to see his/her page? NC is for YOU! Unfriend him/her.

Prillmill · Sep 28, 2009, 02:29 PM

De-friending my ex on Facebook was one of the best things for me

I wish · Sep 28, 2009, 06:31 PM

Facebook is a tool to get updates about your ex. If updates about your ex and affects your daily routine because you give extra thought to it, then it's hindering your progress by adding to the confusion. As a result, it's counter-productive to the recovery process.

There are exceptions where getting updates about the ex won't affect the person involved, but why take the risk? If you're going NC, go full force. No point having tools that would hurt or slow down your progress.

A4Effort · Sep 28, 2009, 06:34 PM

That's one of the first things I did when I broke up with my ex. I would check all the time to see what she was up to. She would do the same to mine. Not knowing what she was up to helped a lot because my mind was not wandering.

friend4u178 · Sep 28, 2009, 09:06 PM

Breakup + Facebook = Delayed healing.

kctiger · Sep 29, 2009, 05:31 AM

Facebook = the biggest NC enemy.

No matter how well you think you are doing and how long you have been NC, if you are friends with your ex on Facebook your chances of slipping up and finding something you DO NOT want to find are significantly higher. By de-friending you are at least increasing your chances of not messing up. When it comes to social networking sites, ignorance is bliss.

unaffected · Sep 29, 2009, 06:30 AM

Originally Posted by combat40

If you don't talk to them or message them, but you can still see their page, are you really doing anything by not talking to them?

Yes, you are feeding your inner self-pity monster. You'll get mad when girls post on his wall, look at his pictures w/ his buddies and try to find out what he's up to, etc.

It will be devastatingly detrimental to your healing process.

Romefalls19 · Sep 29, 2009, 06:52 AM

Facebook and myspace are the worst thing for relationships in general. They cause more problems then they are worth. Yes, I have one, but when my ex and I broke up, I got off myspace for a few months, created a Facebook instead, where she followed me and attempted to "friend" everyone on my friends list. Just delete her and block her. It will be the best thing you have done.

TexasLonghorn · Sep 29, 2009, 07:45 AM

I defriended my ex on Facebook. I broke down crying afterwards... but it was one of the best things I did.

Occasionally, he will be in someone's else photo album and that hurts to see him. But you really must defriend...

combat40 · Sep 29, 2009, 10:04 PM

Threads merged.

My girlfriend of 3 years and I broke up about a month ago, I'm moving on, I feel good, but she hasn't given me closure which bothers me cause I don't know why we broke up, I went the whole month without talking to her, and I asked her today why she broke up with me so that I could move forward and she gets very upset and stressed out?
Why?

Clough · Sep 29, 2009, 10:12 PM

Hi, combat40!

What kind of things were happening between the two of you, in the days before you broke up, please?

Thanks!

combat40 · Sep 29, 2009, 10:19 PM

Originally Posted by Clough

Hi, combat40!

What kind of things were happening between the two of you, in the days before you broke up, please?

Thanks!

Well, we were both about to begin our sophomore years of college, when I left, she cried and didn't want me to leave, and a fight over something small blew up , and out of spite we broke up, but the next day when I tried to talk it out with her, she wasn't having it, and she said we were done. I figure that she probably was considering the break up sometime before, and so was I, but she never showed it, and when I tried to break up with her about a month earlier, she about had a heart attack and cried and begged until I took her back

Clough · Sep 29, 2009, 10:23 PM

Hi again, combat40!

So, I take it that the two of you are going to different schools.

Is that correct?

Thanks!

combat40 · Sep 29, 2009, 10:25 PM

Yeah, an hour apart, and one of the first things I asked her when we broke up was if she wanted to just date other people n she said no that was the last thing on her mind