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brookss3 · Sep 30, 2009, 08:28 PM

My daughters are 3 and 4 yrs old. They have a neighbor friend who lives a house away from ours who is 6, I'll call her Tina. My kid the 4 yr old was holding Tina's cat and Tina said to my little girl "look I can stick my finger up his butt," and tried to or maybe did stick her finger up the cat's butt. And I was standing in Tina's porch with her grandmother and grandmother either didn't hear Tina or didn't care about her wanting to stick her finger up the cat's butt. Now I am weirded out by this child and am thinking I should not let my girls play with her anymore. I am thinking where did she learn that and that it's sick and weird and I don't want her teaching my kids sick and weird things. Should I forbid my children to play with her anymore?

sergie · Sep 30, 2009, 09:10 PM

Yeah, that's pretty sick, maybe, you can invite her parents for a cup of tea, and then, politely discuss this matter with them. Avoiding your children to play with her, may put some uneasiness between the two families. Hm, No, I don't think the kid is weird. Its just that she lacks some good moral caracter.

Well, there are pretty good advisor on AMHD, sooner or later they will turn up for better advice. Regards!

XOXOlove · Sep 30, 2009, 09:16 PM

If you decide to talk to the parents and they don't seem to care about it, you should talk to someone who can find out if the child is being molested. There could be a good chance that she knew that because someone else did that to her.

TheLastChance89 · Sep 30, 2009, 09:21 PM

Well she could be a curious child.. or sometimes doing strange things could be a sign that something is going on in her home.. I would say discuss it with her parents as nicely as possible. If that gets no response then pay attention to her.. she could be sending signals for help.. or repeating something she may have seen at home. It's definitely disturbing that she would say that and shouldn't be ignored.. stopping your kids from playing with her will only cause problems with her parents.. I'd say just monitor them when they are playing together.. If she goes to far just tell your kids after she leaves not to repeat what she does.. If you really start getting worried that something's wrong with her and her parents show no interest call social services but only as a last result.

brookss3 · Oct 1, 2009, 02:13 PM

At the risk of sounding like I don't care about that little girl. I don't want my children being exposed to something that is strange or a bad influence. Should I risk my children's well being so I can watch this little girl to see if there is something wrong with her home life. I think above all it is my obligation to my children to protect them from the sick and disturbing things I can at this young age. Shouldn't I put their well being above all else?

amIwrong · Oct 1, 2009, 02:39 PM

Maybe you should ask her. I mean, we all had some weird thoughts as a kid, but, acting on them is a bit much. Maybe she got the idea somewhere else, and you could help her in some way. It could even be something as simple as her catching something on TV late night that she should not have and no one has bothered to correct her.

I know its not your job to parent her, but maybe look out for for her by at least finding out. Maybe even ask her family, or at least tell them. Maybe they would want to know that sort of thing? Only you could read that situation since you are there, but, be careful some families are sensitive to that.

I know one thing is certain, if you have a chance to stop a lifetime of abuse you should take it. I have known some kids to do weird things for no apparent reason though. Does she play with any other kids? Maybe start asking around, you know kids are pretty candid, maybe others could give you some insight into what's going on there. Ask this child where she came up with the idea to begin with.

XOXOlove · Oct 1, 2009, 03:38 PM

Originally Posted by brookss3

At the risk of sounding like I don't care about that little girl. I don't want my children being exposed to something that is strange or a bad influence. Should I risk my children's well being so I can watch this little girl to see if there is something wrong with her home life. I think above all it is my obligation to my children to protect them from the sick and disturbing things I can at this young age. Shouldn't I put their well being above all else?

If you don't want your children to hang around the girl just don't let them. I think you should still send social services to the house if the parents don't care about what she is doing. You don't even have to get too involved, but at least you can stop someone else from having psychological problems for the rest of their life by just calling someone else that can help.

Jake2008 · Oct 1, 2009, 08:41 PM

I don't think that the little girl should be considered a bad influence, or emotionally damaged, or sexually abused, or that anything is necessarily going on in her home.

If she DID stick her finger up the cat's butt, which you don't know, then I would talk to her mother and say, "Tina stuck her finger up the cat's but, I thought you should know".

If she was just making an offhand remark about the cat's butt, maybe it was because it was exposed, or maybe because of the way your daughter was holding it, or any other reason for it being noticed. It's only a cat's butt.

If, however, this is the beginning of more behaviour which leaves you scratching your head, talk to the girl herself. Just ask her why she stuck her finger in the cat's butt, or whatever else she's done. See what kind of answers you get before you call in the CPS guns.

Try not to jump to conclusions. She did something that was upsetting, yes, but to single her out and deny your children playing with her is a little harsh for a child that young.

Maybe insist that they play over at your house where you can keep a closer eye on things. The grandmother doesn't seem on top of things if she didn't hear what Tina said. Perhaps she's not supervising your kids, or her granddaughter very well.

Kids do very strange things, and it isn't always psychotic in nature. Try not to jump to conclusions, but keep a keen eye.

amIwrong · Oct 2, 2009, 06:51 AM

I agree 100%

brookss3 · Oct 2, 2009, 09:13 AM

Good advice, I think it initially freaked me out so much I wanted to banish her from our lives completely but I think now I will just insist they play at my house and I want to tell her mother about it too, although I am a little nervous about bringing it up. I am kind of a passive person and would hate to offend her.

amIwrong · Oct 2, 2009, 10:38 AM

Originally Posted by brookss3

Good advice, I think it initially freaked me out so much I wanted to banish her from our lives completely but I think now I will just insist they play at my house and I want to tell her mother about it too, although I am a little nervous about bringing it up. I am kind of a passive person and would hate to offend her.

Maybe just it to her parents as you would like to her interact with the children more yourself and be more involved. Who knows, maybe you'll inspire them.

earl237 · Oct 2, 2009, 03:34 PM

Cruelty to animals at a young age could be a sign that someone is seriously disturbed. Does she also set fires? My recommendation is to follow your gut feeling because instinct can often be correct. If you have a bad feeling about someone for whatever reason, I would avoid that person.

summer7 · Oct 2, 2009, 08:26 PM

Hi,
Please forgive me, but this made me laugh so hard. Sounds like the cat should stop hanging out with "Tina".

But yes... sounds weird!

Gemini54 · Oct 3, 2009, 01:29 AM

Look, it could be weird, but again it may not be. I just think as a society we have become hyper vigilant.

I do remember as a kid being fascinated with poo and bums and farts. Young children are naturally interested in bodily functions I believe so why would they not be interested in what their animals do as well? I don't necessarily think it's 'cruel'. (I do remember when I was young some boys putting a small firecracker in a cat's bottom - now that was cruel! BTW the cat yowled like hell but was unharmed!)

Keep an eye out - as you've already said - but try not to judge it as sick and weird. It could just be curiosity.