[danni82pink]

Hiya all!

Well I'm in a right dilema!! I've been with this great guy for 8 nearly 9 months and about 6 weeks ago he saw that I had been txtin some one else!! Thre was nothing in the texts although this other guy was intereseted in me!! Any way my man blew his top and ended out relationship I was heartbroken and tried everythin I could to get him back! This was all a week before we went on holiday, we still went and had the most amazing time we were like a proper couple again except we just didn't say I love you!! Which hurt so so much!!
Any way we came back home and he said he still couldn't be with me because he just would never trust me again! I tired to explain to him that the texts meant nothing and that I wasn't interested in this other guy except as a friend and I had stopped all contact with him!! He still said NO and we didn't speak for a week and then we spent the night together and talked a lot and we decided to give it another go (this was a month ago) but just take things slowly etc... anyway we have had the most amazing month and the relationship has more than had the spark back, the love was there again and everythin was perfect EXCEPT we wernt officially a couple!! Which I hated but didn't say anything as I knew in time we would be as we had been planning a massive holiday to thiland next year and had been talking about living together in the future etc... then on Friday nyt he ended the relationship with me! Saying that it was nothing to do with me and he just didn't want a relationship at the moment he needed to be single etc etc... I begged him not to end it and told him how much I loved him and how I wanted to be with him 4eva and all the rest of it but he insisted that he wanted to be on his own! We'v talked over the weeked on the phone and I asked him if he might change his mind in time and said that he doesn't know what's going to happen but promised me that if he did change his mind then he would tell me! But it was best that at the moment we didn't have as much contact and only saw each other at work ( he's a chef and I work at the pub part time on a wknd for extra income) I've tried so hard not to ring or text him but I just love him so so much! And then last nyt I text and askd him if he fancied a chat, which he didn't reply to so I text again and told him I was sorry for asking him to chat but I was finding to so hard not seeing him and near impossible not speaking to him! And that he must be finding it hard 2, which he replied and said "yes i am finding it hard thats why i dont want us to talk cos i want to move on and forget things, sorry to be rude but thats just how things is :) " so what on earth does that mean? That he's not over me atall and he's finding it just as hard as me??
I love him so so much and would do anything to get him bac?

Please help me any advice is much needed!!

Thanks

D xxx

[Krs]

I think the fact that you were texting some other guy really hurt him. Even thou you said it was on a friendly basis, it hurt him. Im sure you would be hurt too if it was the other way round.
But anyway I think the best u can do is give him space, as he asked for it.

[talaniman]

How amazing is it that everybody says thing were fine then... boom break-up. That shows me that people don't always tell their partner that they have changed their feelings unti its too late. As you have seen for yourself running after him and confessing your soul didn't work and yes it is as hard for him to forget you as you for him ,except his mind is made up and he has decided he will move on. I suggest you do the same and learn to live without him.

[Krs]

Our pact is that when we feel inside of us that something isn't right, we open up immediately to one another not bottle things up!

[Wildcat21]

I'd ended as well. Why on earth are you replying to some OTHER guy if you're in a relationship.

Trust would be broken.

Leave him alone - you broke the trust.

You can't convince some one to love you - ever!!

He will always have that in his head.

Leave hi malone - he may come back - he may not.

What he means - is get lost - you lost my trust - it hurts too much that you did that - I tried again - but don't trust you/

[Skell]

and then last nyt i txt and askd him if he fancied a chat, which he dint reply to so i txt again and told him i was sorry for asking him to chat but i was finding to so hard not seeing him and near impossible not speaking to him! and that he must b finding it hard 2, which he replied and said "yes i am finding it hard thats why i dont want us to talk cos i want to move on and forget things, sorry to be rude but thats just how things is :) " so what on earth does that mean?? that hes not over me at all and hes finding it just as hard as me?????


d xxx

What this means is that he is over you and wants to move on and feels that it is best that there is no more contact between you.

I think he is right too.

The best thing for both you and him is to cut contact.

You won't win him back by begging him in text messages or phone calls.
You'll only drive him further away. Trust me here.

I think this relationship is as good as over.

He doesn't trust you and rightly so.

My advice would be to move on and work on yourself for a while.

You really need to cut contact with him and work on you.

Go back and read other threads similar to this and the advice that has worked for others.

I don't think he will come back but the only way he does is if you cut contact and disappear for while. He may miss you and want you back. But I think his trust in you is severely dented.

Good luck! Please stick around and keep us posted.

[s_cianci]

I think it's time to back off. Move on with your life. You need to get busy and involved with things. Realize that you can be just as happy without him as with him. Let him see that as well. He may start to miss you and wonder what you're up to. That might get him coming back to you. I can't promise anything but it's your best shot.

[danni82pink]

Thanks for your advice peeps, it seems that you are all pretty much saying the same thing, so I've taken your advice and managed not to text or ring him so far today! I'm finding it so so hard though!!
I just love him so so much and really would do anything to have him back, but yeah your all right he's told me he wants to be single etc... the thing is I know him and I know he still cares/loves me specially since he said that about finding it hard not seeing me or speaking to me. But I'm going to give him space and not contact him (or try my very best) and just speak to him when I see him at work on Saturday, I just hope and pray that by not ringing or txting him he will realise he misses me and does want to be with me...

Any further help is much needed!!

D xx

[talaniman]

Read some of the threads on this subject found at the bottom of the page . They may give you insight.

[Wildcat21]

Sorry - but you don't quite get it. He may love you - but the trust was broken because you were playing around texting some other guy - that's emotial cheating - and it can be worse than cheating physically.

He doesn't want to be with you because he doesn't trust you. You don't understand how important that is. HE FEELS and knows YOU took him for granted!!

I don't think he will miss you. Move on. Damage done - it was too hard for him to come back before.

[CheryBombGirl]

It sounds like he really likes her though. Men are so hard to figure out sometimes. I think when things get hot and heavy, or close to serious... they get scared and want to back out. Giving them space is good. They have time to think, and I've always thought it makes them want a woman more if she is busy/preoccupied with other things versus being all over them constantly. I'm actually in a situation myself where I've been trying too hard to get a guy that I like. I've been sending him emails, and just plain talking too much. What I've done is pushed him further away by wanting to message and talk to him all the time. It's hard too back off when you like someone. You know the saying "if you love someone set them free...if they come back it was meant to be." I think this is true. And sadly enough, sometimes they don't come back. Hope that won't be the case for you. Good luck.

[Wildcat21]

Not in this case. Its simple he doesn't trust. I wouldn't trust her.

"I've been sending him emails, and just plain talking too much. What I've done is pushed him further away by wanting to message and talk to him all the time. It's hard too back off when you like someone."

Absolutley - that's probably the BIGGEST reason for breaks. Smothering. Too much attention. Lots to learn in those 2 sentences.

[oh baby 123]

I think it's time to back off. Move on with your life. You need to get busy and involved with things. Realize that you can be just as happy without him as with him. Let him see that as well. He may start to miss you and wonder what you're up to. That might get him coming back to you. I can't promise anything but it's your best shot.

Cmon seriosly I've read 3 of your reveiws on relationships and they stink. You tell everybody to bck off. If everyone bcks off nothing can happen and great relationships won't happen:p

[Wildcat21]

I meant totally DISAGREE with the above post. Totally disagree!!

[talaniman]

oh baby 123
If the relationships are so great then why do people come here after their broken up and in distress. What should they do to get self esteem and control of their lives back? How should they go about fixing themselves? Great relationships take healthy people to make them GREAT. How's your relationship going?

[chuff]

cmon seriosly ive read 3 of ur reveiws on relationships and they stink. u tell everybody to bck off. if everyone bcks off nothing can happen and great relationships wont happen:p

You should read some of the comments from people who ignore the advice and continue to go full steam ahead. Either it fails miserably to the point of no return or the original posters never come back because they wanted to hear the advice that went something like,

"If you just stay with her long enough she/he will come around and realize that you are the one person she/he has always dreamt about."

That's fantasy land. In real life that doesn't work.