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revolutionpc · Sep 25, 2009, 03:55 PM

We are both 24 and are deeply in love we spend most of our free time together. When we first got together she was on the pill and sex wasn't a problem. However, she stopped using the pill and sex started to get less and less frequent. She says she doesn't like using condoms as it doesn't feel as nice. We had unprotected sex a few weeks ago and I came. She got really angry and went to get the morning after pill. Since then we have not had sex and she won't even touch me.

I confronted her the other day and it got very emotional. She said she doesn't feel sexy and feels she has put on weight. She is a size 10 and has a fantastic figure, any thinner and she would look ill. She has stopped eating breakfast and just has a muller rice and a banana. She will only eat dinner if I'm there to make it.
She also said that she wants to spend more time seeing her friends as she hasn't really seen them since we have been together.

I have tried everything to make her feel sexy and in the mood but every time I try I just get pushed away.

Please Help

redhed35 · Sep 25, 2009, 05:26 PM

There are a couple of things here..

First,I would think she is afraid of getting pregnant,there are many forms of contraception available,some woman do put on a little weight with the pill,but she could try another one,or other form on contraception,her doctor can advice her on which would suit her best.

Her weight issue... you can get on board here by asking her if she would like to take up a new hobbie or interest together,example,swimming or hiking or biking,if she feels she is active she will most likely eat better...

Going out with her friends... women need women friends, and men need mens company too,you really can get too much of a good thing,pick a night over the week or weekend when you both see your own friends,making an issue out of this is not going to stop her,but you need to do the same thing as well...

Give her space so she does not need to ask for it.

Offer suggestions to get healthy,maybe include another couple.

Sort out the contraception,if she says no,you need to find out what going on..

Don't forget,you put her at risk of getting pregnant,I know it takes two to tango...

Talk to out... listen to her... offer options,and solutions,don't be the problem.

revolutionpc · Sep 25, 2009, 11:16 PM

Thank you for taking the time to answer.

I will try all of the recommendations.

Cat1864 · Sep 26, 2009, 03:44 PM

How abrupt was this change?

Why did she stop taking birth control pills?

It sounds like something happened to cause this big of a change.

I would suggest sitting down and discussing what's going on in as unemotional a way as possible. Be prepared to attempt to get her to see a counselor or to talk to someone she trusts (third party) like clergy. The "dieting" is slightly worrying if she thinks she is heavier than she is.

revolutionpc · Sep 28, 2009, 01:31 AM

Thanks for taking time to respond.

It came to me last night that the problem could be that at the end of July she had her hair cut really short and she was really scared that I wouldn't like it.

Obviously it was a shock and a big change but I do like it. I have told her this repeatedly however she says she hates it.

It only stuck me as this could be the issue when she stayed at my house last night and borrowed my boxers and a t-shirt and looked in the mirror and said "I look like a boy" which were her own words.

I think this negative image of her hair could be the issue. What do you think?

redhed35 · Sep 28, 2009, 01:47 AM

Poor body image is a sex killer if ever there was one!

All you can do is make her feel special,surprise her with dinner candles flowers the works,write a list of the things you love about her, and give it to her,might be a little corny but I bet she will love it and keep it safe..

Make sure to mention your not in love with her hair,and it will grow,and if all else fails she can get hair extensions.

jodiep214 · Sep 28, 2009, 01:57 AM

First thing I would say she is definally scared of getting pregnant, there are so many different contraception's there is the rod in the arm, there is the injection.
However if she is worried she is putting weght on the injection does make you put weight on.
One more thing make her a lovely meal just you and her and try talking to her. Ask her what she wants you to do, to help her. Good luck

revolutionpc · Sep 28, 2009, 02:06 AM

Thank you for being so supportive you all have been so helpful.

:-)

shazamataz · Sep 28, 2009, 03:27 AM

There are so many ways to make super short hair look feminine and sexy!

Show her some of these pictures to give her some idea on how to make that "boy looking cut" look hot and sexy..

Sounds to me like she just needs a boost in her confidence and self esteem.

I personally LOVE this style, all it takes is a little hairspray and a cute headband with a bow:
http://media.photobucket.com/image/boy%20hair%20cuts%20on%20girls/SceneKidsGore/scenehair4.jpg

Super short hair but the girl wears a pink choker necklace to girly things up:
Boy hair cuts on girls image by yamellia on Photobucket

Maybe not this extreme but some funky colors, pinks and purples might make her feel a bit more special and girly:
Boy hair cuts on girls image by cobra_who_heartz_chapstique on Photobucket

Cat1864 · Sep 28, 2009, 05:50 AM

Cute pictures, Shaz. :)

It is amazing how much a hairstyle can change a woman's perception of herself and how she thinks others perceive her. Going from one extreme to another usually is a shock to the system.

As Shaz said, there are many ways to make a short hairstyle more feminine. If she isn't into the "scene" look, maybe the vintage look of the Flapper might fit better.

flappers Hairstyles - Bing Images

revolutionpc · Oct 26, 2009, 05:57 PM

I thought it may be useful to give an update about this issue.

The long and short of it is that we broke up...

She said she has a lot of stress from working full time and studying at the same time, that she doesn't have the energy to make the relationship work. I am gutted I truly love her and it still makes me cry thinking about it even after a month. I guess its going to take time...

During the day I get on with my day to day activities and don't really stop to dwell on things but whenever I see a couple on TV during the evening it makes me think about what a fantastic time I had with her.

I believe that she wasn't completely happy with being in a relationship but couldn't put her finger on why she felt that way.

The reason I decided to post this is because I spoke to her for the first time today and this is the worst day so far...