[HotPotato2009]

Entire story merged

Hi everyone!

Some of you here know the issue with what happened about a year ago with my fiancé and his coworker. But for those of you who don't, here's a recap:

In February, (boyfriend) at the time, got busted! He was at his female coworkers house getting help with myspace (use to be famous). I called his cell several times and he didn't answer. Well when I found out where he was, of course, he tried to lie about it. Played as if he didn't know who I was talking about, blah blah. Eventually he came out with the truth. He said nothing happened with her and that they are just friends and he was wrong for doing what he did. I forgave him, but this girl just rubs me the wrong way.

Now, she is supposed to be some "aspiring" singer. She coming out with demos and shows. My fiancé got her demo yesterday and I snapped! I didn't say anything, but you can see in my face that I wasn't all happy about it. He was saying things like "I'm so ecstatic to get this". So he gets mad at me.

Then 2 days ago, I will admit, I do go on his fb page and see who he makes comments too. Mainly to see what he post on her page. So I asked him about one post he made on her page and he got mad at me. Said that she pushes him to go back to school, etc. He says I don't do that for him. And that I need to step it up.

So as you can see, I am getting a feeling that I am slowly losing my man for his coworker. He tells me he don't want to be with her and that she is just his friend. But in my mind, isn't that usually how it starts? You become friends with someone who is doing 20% of what your spouse isn't doing, then you end up having feelings for that person and hanging out more, then you end up having sex with that person. I desperatly need some advice!!

[talaniman]

This isn't about what he is doing to you. Its about him using her to make you jealous.

Why are you even trying to be with a guy who plays that game with your feelings? Don't you know that is a sign of control on his part?

Remove yourself from this situation, and worry no more.

[DaisyBoo]

I think men and women are capable of being friends with the opposite sex without sex coming into play. I just think you don't trust this guy since he lied and tried to hide it the past. However, once you took him you forgave and if you think you can't get over this then maybe you need to rethink this relationship.

By the way, why would you want to be her friend?

[HotPotato2009]

@ DaisyBoo -I firgured If I was her friend, maybe I wouldn't be so mad about him talking to her.. And your right, I don't trust him that much. I mean, I trust him to a certain point. I thought I was over it, but now that their friendship is still existing, for some reason I can't shake it off. I keep thinking, "is he going to sneak off with her again?"

[talaniman]

You really need to step back, and get some clarity here so you can figure out what's really going on.

Said that she pushes him to go back to school, etc. He says I don't do that for him. And that I need to step it up.

That to me is a big red flag you should pay attention to. No way is that love, caring, or reassurance for your insecure feelings.

[DaisyBoo]

Yes, I agree with Talaniman. Your boyfriend is comparing you to her and throwing her in your face. And being her friend won't change the situation your in it will only make it more complicated.

Sometime we have to know when to throw in the towel.

[Devorameira]

I did apologize to him this morning. He said it was fine, but no he didn't apologize to me. I also asked him what was wrong with us starting off running together and if I get tired I'll walk? And then start back up. He said no stopping at all, so I said I wouldn't be able to do that and stayed home. He obviously don't care about me getting tired along the way.

I see red flags with his attitude. Sure he's a seasoned jogger, but obviously you aren't, and patience and understanding on his part is just not there.

Most men wouldn't mind at all walking until their girlfriend caught her breath. It's normal for a new jogger to have to take some breaks, and normal for a boyfriend to show some understanding.

He sounds harsh, demanding, and controlling - just not a pretty picture at all.

[HotPotato2009]

Ok, being her friend is out of the question then. Thanks guys!

Well I spoke with a lady today about counseling. I'm going to set a appointment and see what that can do for me... with my insecurity and trusting issues. I thought I would try another approach.

Sometimes I just don't understand why this girl bothers me. She's not pretty at all. Her face reminds me of a gorilla

[talaniman]

Its not her, it's the attention and importance he gives her that has you frazzled.

Ever wonder why two females will fight in public, while the weasel in the middle looks on, and goes unscathed?

Watch Jerry Springer sometimes. Focus on his actions, not hers, and see what HE is doing, instead of being distracted by jealousy, insecurity, and confusion.

[HotPotato2009]

I will try that too then.

[HotPotato2009]

You guys, I have another issue!

Yesterday, I picked my fiancé up from work. He seemed fine, but not really talkative. So when we get home, he asks me "when am I going to start cooking because he got somewhere to be at 9" I ask him where he got to be, and he says a open mic. Of course, its his female coworkers open mike thing. You know, the one I was talking about in previous threads. Well... I ask him "can I go" and he gets a attitude with me! And says "where can he go by himself". He then leaves the house. I leave also... cause I had plans on going to the grocery store with my mom. When I come back, he's not speaking to me. Hasn't spoken to me ALL NIGHT! And not this morning either. So I ask him "are you not going to speak to me all day??" He shrugs his shoulders and says nothing. Then 5 minutes later he says, "i'm not mad, im just unhappy"

What gives you guys? This man is really confusing me!

One minute he telling people I'm the best, now this?? What to do?

[talaniman]

Why didn't you ask him, "unhappy about what?". That would be my question.

[HotPotato2009]

Cause I was on my way to work. And I would rather not talk about "bad issues" before I go to work. I end up having a messed up day and everyone pretty much gets my attitude. Bad news before work, does not mix with me

[CarrotTalker]

I feel that you tried to handle the situation well. You asked him if you could join and he got defensive. What's to get defensive about?
Either he is really immature and doesn't know how to communicate correctly, or he has a crush on this girl and doesn't want you to see the obvious signs in person.

[Romefalls19]

I'd sit him down and ask, what is making you unhappy

[HotPotato2009]

Well I got desperate and called and asked him. He said that he feels that I always have to have my eyes on him or know what he's doing or where he is at. He said that he feels that I am trying to handle him. Then said that he has to make himself happy for him

[HotPotato2009]

Hi everyone! Hope you had a great weekend! :-)

Okay, so here is what happened. I posted a status on Facebook saying "Sooooooooooo hungry right now" and one of my guy friends posted "that's why you need a real ni*** to bring you breakfast". And then his sister made a comment saying "hope its not you cause you can't cook" then he said "i wasnt talking about me"... now these two are nobody to really take seriously cause they always joke around like that so I thought nothing of it and just said "you guys are wild". So my fiancé reads the comments and calls my guy friend out, saying "thats not cool she got a real man". So then my fiancé calls me and says "you need to delete him off your friends list cause that was out of line". Also he says, that it was messed up of me cause I didn't take up for him by telling my guy friend that I got a real man. I told my fiancé I wasn't even thinking to say that cause my friend wasn't anyone to take seriously, but I deleted him off my friends list. My fiancé said it was cool and that he will just take care of himself from now on.

Then a few minutes after that my fiancé writes on my wall "i love you babe".

Now am I wrong for not telling my guy friend that "i got a real man"? I can understand where my fiancé is coming from but I don't think it was that serious to get mad about.

I've asked him one time before to delete someone off his friends list and he raised hell with me. Said that he is not deleting his friends off Facebook cause he knew them longer and before me.

What do you guys think?

[spitvenom]

If your BF gets mad from a Facebook post then you don't have a real man. You have a jealous insecure little boy.

[kctiger]

Judging by your previous threads in regards to this guy, it seems like you both have a LOT of growing up to do before getting married.

It says a lot about someone when you have to constantly turn to this website with every argument or problem between you two. I hope that with a more developed mode of communication between you two, this won't become a pattern much longer.

[HotPotato2009]

@ kctiger -?? Meaning??