[celestiallady]

No offense, but I think you should let your man have his time alone to go jogging, while you can spend your time doing something you like to do... jogging to me is a solitary activity unless you jog with someone who jogs at the same pace and doesn't talk! It's annoying to a jogger to have to constantly keep up with the conversation when they are probably trying to unwind from their day! If you can't keep up and shut-up... don't go!

[ZoeMarie]

Zoe I have to disagree with part of it (I'm sorry!). Well actually I don't disagree just a difference of opinion... she needs to work on herself outside of him.

I had to spread the rep, but you are absolutely right in that! She does need to work on herself. But she has to work on herself apart from working on the relationship if she wants it to work. What I meant when I said they both needed to put forth the effort was that both need to be working on the communication.

[HotPotato2009]

I am trying to work on the problems that I have. I'm taking it day by day and finding my own activities to do to keep my mind of minor altercations. I am using the advice that everyone had given me.

ZoeMarie: where can I find these workbooks you were talking about?

[ZoeMarie]

Oh I'm sorry. I missed that part didn't I? You know, I actually saw something at Target the other day, but I don't remember what it was called. I would imagine any book store would have them. My husband and I got a book called "Simple Secrets to a Great Marriage" for our wedding. It's geared toward couples that want to improve their relationship, whether they're engaged, married, or thinking about either. It's actually helped us understand each other quite a bit.

[kctiger]

HotP it would do you some good to have contact (conversation) with someone who has gone through and dealt with the feelings you are having. I was where you were once as well. Self help books are all right, but nothing beats talking to someone with experience, you know?

[talaniman]

Honest communications-

Even though you talk to some one, they have to be willing to listen, so they can understand. One thing that I think is so important is, not only putting your feelings out there, but your issues also. He needs to know you have have trust issues, and why, as well as be reassured that your trying to do better in that regard, with words and actions, from you.

Is this something you have relayed to him, about yourself??

I think you get a much better reaction, when your completely honest. When your actions and words are impulsive, and not very well thought out, your asking for trouble, and I have to agree with Zoe about one thing, he has a responsibility also to talk and listen and not just react, as I have learned when we are dealing with our own feelings, we tend not to pay a lot of attention to the feelings of others, and just never question why someone acts the way they, do, or do what they do. That's a lack of understanding that comes from not having honest communications, from either partner. Reactions without facts are just assumptions, and thats not communicating.

You have issues that needs working on, but clearly, so does he. You can only control yourself, not him, so if your issues push him away, don't take all the blame, because he has to be willing to address the issues too.

[HotPotato2009]

Yes he knows that I have trusting issues. I've told him that. He told me that that was something that I need to work on on my own. So...

Your right about talking to someone about these issues but if I were to go see a therapist, you have to have insurance, I don't have that. And I don't know a lot of people that have gon through what I have gon through. Only some of the people on this site

[kctiger]

I actually went to a counselor when I had these problems... I used to EXTREMELY jealous and overprotective. Sometimes we see the faults in ourselves become self destructive... that was the point I was at.

[s_cianci]

These things happen and everybody has their off days. If you're not a jogging enthusiast (and I take it that you're not), then the next time he asks you to go jogging with him, just say "no, but I'll make sure to have some ice cold lemonade ready for you when you get back."

[HotPotato2009]

How come when you get with someone in a relationship, at the beginning of it everything is perfect, like all the romance you see on TV...

For example, I have a boyfriend. When we first got together he would take me out to eat, call just to hear my voice, buy my special gift, (whether it just be a card) buy me flowers etc. Everything was great. I felt like a princess the way he treated me at the time.

Now I'm not saying that there is anything wrong right now. I'm just wondering why guys don't do that stuff anymore after the relationship turn old, and you been with that person for more than a year. See, I still treat my boyfriend the same way now as we were when we first got together. I write him notes every once in a while just to tell him how special he is to me, and send him text messages at work just to let him know that I'm thinking about him.

[kctiger]

Because guys have the rational thought to understand that finances come into play... it is cool to do something special, but most of the stuff we as guys "have" to do to make you feel special involve spending money.

I have no problem with doing the little things, notes etc, but that is generally looked upon as the female's job, while we have to whine and dine, buy flowers, jewelry all that expensive stuff. I would rather save money and go on a nice vacation or romantic get away. Just me... and don't bash me too hard ladies, I am just letting my opinion be heard.

[jmooney527]

It's the thrill of the "chase" and the feeling of the unexpected. After you have been "won over" he doesn't feel the need to do all those things again. It sounds primal and stupid but it's pretty much true. We as humans have these instincts to want what we can't have, and chasing after a woman is one of those instincts. It's the feeling of the "hunt".

Also there's the feeling of monotony... when everything stays the same on a day-to-day basis it can get a little boring for some people. I'm not saying it means he loves you any less, but he doesn't have to put as much effort into winning your affection since he knows he already has you.

I have read a book or two on this matter and I can give you some titles if it interests you.

[slapshot_oi]

I'm just wondering why guys don't do that stuff anymore after the relationship turn old, and you been with that person for more than a year.

You want the most honest, most ruthless answer? Because sh*t gets old.

Relationships are tough to maintain. The made-for-TV couples that we may see from time to time involve two people who instinctively know how keep things fresh by not over doing it. It's probably this type that buys an RV or a touring bike and drive all over the country after retirement. If you're boyfriend bought you flowers every single day for a year, it wouldn't be a treat, it'd just be a routine, and what's the fun in that?

This is why I say space is a great thing to have in a relationship. It'll force you to break that routine and keep the mystery and excitement alive.

[dreamingartist]

Honeymoon phase. The first 18 months are the honeymoon phase. You don't fight and if you do its not a bad fight. But after 2 -5 years of being with someone you fight a lot more and have less romance.

Think of it like this. If you JUST met someone in a restaurant and they did something to tick you off, you wouldn't slug them in the arm and call them a jerk.. but take my best friend of 20 years. If he got on my nerves I'd pop him in the arm and tell him to shut up. After 20 years of knowing him I treat him different or worse than you'd treat a stranger. Why? Because we have a relationship that's lasted so long we know that doing that stuff won't offend each other and break our friendship up. But with a stranger you don't know them, so if you yell at them or etc they will react in a way you don't know and aren't prepared for.

Same with a new relationship. If you are boring and lame the first 2 months she will be tired of you and move on. So you give her flowers and chocolates, take her out, tell her how beautiful she is. But after 5 years, you've had the milk and the cow. You've seen her in her worst and best, so you wake up, call her, go to eat food, and hang out. You don't show up in your best outfit possible with a flowers. You show up in Jeans and your hair is messed up.

[redhed35]

I love the thrill of the chase and those first few months of heat and lust...

But,I prefer when things settle down,when I can rely on him,when he has become my confident and friend and lover.

Give him a little nudge,
Like kc I like the weekends away to lots of little things,but a little thing to me is running a bath for me,or getting me my favorite bar of chocolate when he's getting petrol,just because!

[jmw0713]

Because I'm out of money and your expectations are too high.

[jmooney527]

First book is "Men Made Easy"... it's kind of corny but quite insightful...
Amazon.com: Men Made Easy : How to Get What You Want from Your Man: Kara Oh: Books

2nd is "Why Men Love es"...
Amazon.com: Why Men Love es: From Doormat to Dreamgirl - A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship: Sherry Argov: Books

[HotPotato2009]

I hope everyone that posted an answer knows that I was just asking this question out of curiosity. But the different answers that I received were really helpful and I appreciate them.

Like I was saying before the little things are what keeps me going. I like to receive little love notes every now and then, a back rub or foot rub etc. Those things don't cost money.

Shoot I treat my boyfriend like a king (without buying him things half the time). I would expect to get the same treatment.

[HotPotato2009]

Thanks jmooney :-) Did these books help you at all?

[jmooney527]

But it's a slippery slope. It's harder to appreciate something when you get it all the time... especially without asking.

I'm not saying doing nice things is bad... just don't too it ALL the time, especially if you don't feel appreciated for doing it.