[HotPotato2009]

That makes me feel a little better. I'm not friends with him on Facebook either. He deleted me as his friend like a month ago cause he got mad at me for going through his phone to see his Facebook account. That's how I saw his conversations. So now he won't add me as a friend because of that. I know I was wrong for it, but...

[kctiger]

Try not to let a social networking site ruin your relationship, as hard as that may be. He is going back to his hometown... old friends, places, hangouts and the like. I think you are reading too much into this. I also cannot understand how you think he was being sneaky about it. You read his profile which is in PLAIN view to the PUBLIC!

Relax and let things go. Don't let your insecurities bind him down.

[jmooney527]

That makes me feel a little better. I'm not friends with him on facebook either. He deleted me as his friend like a month ago cause he got mad at me for going through his phone to see his facebook account. That's how I saw his conversations. So now he wont add me as a friend because of that. I know I was wrong for it, but...

Yea you're going to need to settle down a bit... I don't know if you are noticing anything but you are pushing him away with what you are doing. By showing him you don't trust him he will react a certain way (deleting you from his friends). If he started accusing you of being too friendly with other guys, I'm sure it would tick you off after a while. Try to put yourself in his shoes... remember it's both of you in this relationship ;)

[ZoeMarie]

Try not to let a social networking site ruin your relationship, as hard as that may be. He is going back to his hometown...old friends, places, hangouts and the like. I think you are reading too much into this. I also cannot understand how you think he was being sneaky about it. You read his profile which is in PLAIN view to the PUBLIC!

Relax and let things go. Don't let your insecurities bind him down.

You can easily set your profile to private and no one but your friends can see it.

[kctiger]

You can easily set your profile to private and no one but your friends can see it.

I don't understand your point. I realize you can do this, but I fail to see how a social networking site causes someone to act like an immature, jealous person. Because he was talking to an old friend who was female, he should automatically have to tell his girlfriend about this? Otherwise, it is considered being sneaky?

A few things are off limits to my significant other: my phone and my email. That is private, to me, at least.

[jmooney527]

You can easily set your profile to private and no one but your friends can see it.

True but in this case she went through his PHONE and looked at his Facebook conversations... just shows a level of distrust that she probably needs to work on.

HotPotato- have you been in a relationship before? And if so, have you been cheated on before? Just a guess, I didn't know if this level of distrust was due to what happened in a previous relationship.

[talaniman]

I'm not into the Facebook thing at all, but if your not friends with your boyfriend, what's wrong with that picture? Is it me, or yet another red flag?

[jmooney527]

It sounds like they were friends, but he deleted her after she started accusing him of things after seeing all the girls he was friends with, talked to, etc.

I just see too much intensity on your part HotPotato... it's like you are waiting for something to happen and you are on the edge of your seat. Try to relax and try not to nitpick everything... otherwise you will keep pushing your boyfriend away.

[HotPotato2009]

Yeah your right. How would I relax though?

I keep telling myself that I am relaxed, but then I end up blowing up

[jmooney527]

Yeah your right. How would I relax though?

I keep telling myself that I am relaxed, but then I end up blowing up

Try not to obsess over everything so much. Stop worrying so much about HIM and worry about YOU.

I like to think the cure for a "smothering" relationship is kind of taking some NC items and applying them while still in your relationship. Go hang out with your friends, join a gym, join a club. Keeping yourself busy doing things you LOVE will not only make you feel better about yourself, but your boyfriend will actually find you more attractive as well. Think about when you first started dating him... you were probably still doing your own thing and you were happy... try to apply that while still being in a relationship.

[ZoeMarie]

I totally understand what you guys are saying. Don't get me wrong, but I'm saying if for some reason her boyfriend has his profile set to private and she's not his friend, then no, she can't see everything so it might not necessarily be in PLAIN view to the PUBLIC. That's all I'm saying. It's quite possible that she can't see his page at all since she's not his friend on there. I would consider that sneaky too. Yes phones and all that are private, I understand that, doesn't change the fact that he could be hiding things. My husband and I each have phones, myspace and Facebook accounts, but neither of us has anything to hide. That is the part, that I don't get.

[HotPotato2009]

I've been in a relationship before. I've been cheated on plenty of times actually.

I definitely need to work on my trusting issues but I don't know how to go about doing that.

I'm not saying that he should tell me eveyone that he talks to on Facebook, what I'm saying is that if he is trying to make plans with someone else (another female) don't you think he should tell me that?

I don't want to push him away. If anything I want to make it better for me and him to be together

[jmooney527]

True Zoe, and I might be wrong in assuming this... but it sounds like she started badgering him about all these girls he is friends with. After a while, it probably got to be too much for him, said "screw it" and deleted her. Nobody likes being accused of cheating, especially on a frequent basis. Being questioned constantly is such a turn-off... it just shows such a high level of distrust.

My guess is since you did look on his Facebook and the only thing you can find was that he was meeting up with an old friend that was a girl... you don't have much to worry about on the cheating department.

You need to learn to trust him and stop accusing him of things... otherwise you need to end the relationship or he eventually will.

[jmooney527]

I've been in a relationship before. I've been cheated on plenty of times actually.

I definitly need to work on my trusting issues but I don't know how to go about doing that.

I'm not saying that he should tell me eveyone that he talks to on facebook, what I'm saying is that if he is trying to make plans with someone else (another female) don't you think he should tell me that??

I don't want to push him away. If anything I want to make it better for me and him to be together

I would seek professional help to work on your trust issues. I would offer advice but I have some as well (GUILTY as charged)... maybe start a separate thread on this here?

Well tell me this, did you ask him what he's doing when he's going there? Is he meeting up with old friends, etc? A lot of times, stupid things like these slip people's minds, especially if they don't think it's a big deal seeing an old friend. You can't just assume he's going to spit everything out ahead of time that might not sit well with you. And he might not have told you because of what you have done in the past... he might've thought you would react the way you did those other times. You see how damaging accusations can be? I'm not saying it's excusable for him to do so, but until you learn to react a better way to certain situations, he won't be completely open.

[HotPotato2009]

Yeah I asked him. He said that he wants to see his mom and his dad. And to take his son to some festival.

I don't know where I would seek help for my trusting issues because I don't have insurance. And most places you have to have insurance to be seen.

The things that you guys are saying are true. My boyfriend doesn't tell me a lot because he knows that I will get mad. And I just get mad because he doesn't tell me certain things. I mean, he does speak his mind if he has something to say.

Are there any workbooks I could work in to cope with trusting issues?

[ZoeMarie]

I just want to say something because I think I was misunderstood yesterday. I'm not saying that because maybe the OP might not be able to see her boyfriend's Facebook that it's OK to get on his phone and go through it that way. I think that if you trust someone, that's something that you just don't need to do. So we've established that she doesn't trust her boyfriend. The thing I'd like to add is that if she doesn't trust her boyfriend, that if she's thinking about going through his phone and Facebook, there are more issues than just trust issues. There are also communication issues, because she couldn't just ask him and get the truth. I would think those 2 issues together would be enough to send me packing if I was in this relationship.

[ZoeMarie]

To the OP, there are plenty of books and workbooks out there that you can get your hands on. If you and your boyfriend want to work this out, I recommend that. It's going to take a LOT of work, not just from you, but from him too. If he doesn't want to put forth the effort don't waste your time.

[jmooney527]

Zoe I have to disagree with part of it (I'm sorry!). Well actually I don't disagree just a difference of opinion... she needs to work on herself outside of him. She has driven him to the point where he can't tell her things because of the way she reacts. She overreacts and automatically assumes the worst when she questions something. So yes I will agree with you that communication needs work... but almost all of this starts with her.

If someone were to question everything I did, I would sure as heck be reluctant to tell them every single thing. I'm not saying that is healthy, but I have a feeling that he would probably be a little bit more open if she didn't freak out after something so minor.

I agree that she doesn't trust her boyfriend, but it's not her boyfriend... it's HER. It sounds like it wouldn't matter who she is dating, she can't trust them... and that's what she needs to work on.

Just my opinion though... I'm assuming things so I might very well be wrong :o

[LiveAndLove0923]

I would still apoligize but tell him of the bad day that you were havingand that he cannot be controlling like he was. Also make it a point to say that you can't run that far and just because you are younger that doesn't mean you can run farther. Like a 15 year old can't run a marathon in the olympics like a 30 year old person could. It all depends on the person and he needs to become more understanding.

[HotPotato2009]

What if I were to ask him about it and he lies anyway (though I already know what's going on)??

Where can I find these workbooks?