[A4Effort]

Today is another day. I never dream but last night I had one. I dreamed that her an I are getting back together. I am taking 50 steps back in my recovery when it comes to my emotions. I have to stick through this.

[amicon]

I guess so.
Time to reflect-was it worth breaking NC?
I don't think you'll know till you get back.

[I wish]

Like any other challenge, you need to learn to adjust to your surroundings and overcome the obstacles. This is no different. Bear in mind the reason you're on this trip. Focus on those aspects.

If you feel like it's such a drag to be there, then it's going to be a long and painful trip. Focus on the positives of the trip and make the most of it.

[emopunk7]

Hang in there A4Effort! This is one big journey and one day you will see why you are going through this. Perhaps to be an example to others who are not as strong as you or to be a role model for other reasons. You will be fine and when you feel down just remind yourself that you are suppose to feel sad and it's okay for now. Telling yourself you are not suppose to be sad can make it last longer. We all care for your well being and continue coming back and we will help. Stay strong and remember all your strengths. Remember to Man Up! Hope this cheers you up but be a man now and stand up to this dilemma!!

[A4Effort]

Well I must say the day ended up pretty well. Most of the day I spent my time involving myself with the social justice program. It was a heavy load and it distracted me very much from the ex. After day ended we had free time. I took this time to have fun an get to know some people. I went outside at looked at the stars with some people, went sledding, and just hung out. I met this wonderful girl
there who I could just hang out with. We played mini soccer and just talked. I also started a dance party which I am very proud of.

But I did see the ex. I was talking
to one of my friends and she came up
to my friend. My friend ended up leaving and her and I were alone. We talked a bit about the retreat and other random little stuff. She told me
how she really enjoys talking to me and how she misses it. From there we talked a bit more before going our own ways. It was very nice talking to he but the whole time I just wanted to kiss her. My heart was not sad. I dd not dwell on it long and I occupied myself so I would not think about it.

I did make one mistake. We have a bag with our names on them that people can use to put little notes in them. I wrote her a note that said: I have learned much about myself in our relationship an you have shown me new ideas, ways, etc... And I would like to thank you for that. I hope you are happy and good lucknon your future endevours.




Then I ended the note with "I will always love you" buy j wrote it in Bosnian.

I know I suck but to be completely honest I am not depressed an do not feel down.

[glenboy123]

It sounds as though you were able to handle the situation very maturely and positively. When your ex came over to speak to you (she may have come over to speak to your friend but it would have been you that she wanted to speak to really) tell us how you felt, what was going through your mind? Did you find it easy talking to her? Did she find it easy talking to you? Would you say being able to talk with her at this stage made you feel as though you had accomplished something more long term with your own personal recovery? Sounds to me like you have. Maybe you both have in your own ways.

[emopunk7]

Man I would not be able to deal with things if I saw and spoke with my ex... I would take longer healing.

[A4Effort]

It sounds as though you were able to handle the situation very maturely and positively. When your ex came over to speak to you (she may have come over to speak to your friend but it would have been you that she wanted to speak to really) tell us how you felt, what was going through your mind? Did you find it easy talking to her? Did she find it easy talking to you? Would you say being able to talk with her at this stage made you feel as though you had accomplished something more long term with your own personal recovery? Sounds to me like you have. Maybe you both have in your own ways.

Well, while we were talking I felt fine. We even ended up dancing together that night and it felt... well it felt like it was the norm. Holding her and feeling her body against mine felt amazing. It felt like for that one moment everything in the universe was perfect. But I knew we would never get back together and I had no hopes for anything. Afterwards I made sure to distract myself immediately with friends and the retreat. I do still love her. I will always have a special place in my heart for her but I also know that we will have to go our own separate paths. I do miss her. She is a wonderful woman that has thought me a lot. But I also I will one day be happy again with another person. I also have learned that I am able to find my own happiness through my own personal journey. After I came home I did not wallow. Instead I went to the gym and finished my homework. I am proud of myself for having been able to do that instead of turning depressed.


That first love is the hardest.

[amicon]

You seem to have handled the weekend well-and I hope you're still OK with how it went?

[A4Effort]

You seem to have handled the weekend well-and I hope you're still ok with how it went?

Yes I am. I am able to acknowledge how I feel, control/deal with the emotions, and still continue living my life. I know my feelings will never disappear for her. Right now they are still strong but hopefully with some more time they will diminish. I am still happy. I do not feel I need to fill any voids.

[amicon]

Way to go-so well done you!

[A4Effort]

Wow! Can we talk about a curveball please. Tonight was my second gallery exhibit. Everything was going well. I was surrounded by faculty, friends, family, etc... Nothing could have gone wrong. I was showing two series of work. One dealt with social justice and was more journalistic and the other one was more artistic and dealt with salient memories from my life which included my first love.



Half-way through the event my ex walks in. My jaw dropped wide open. I did not at any point tell her that I was having an exhibit. There has been advertising but she found out through her roommate, whom I invited to the opening. She was there near all my family, friends, and other significant people in my life. We talked for a bit and talked abou the work. One photograph had writing on it that talked about my anger with the break up. She read it and asked me a few questions.

I just talked to her about the art work and other few minor things before joining my friends and family. I just couln't believe that she came.

Why would she do that? She is the one who broke up with me. Why is coming back in my life? I do not want to have any hopes of anything. Why is she doing this to me? It is driving me crazy and I need an answer. How do I deal with this?

Please help!

[talaniman]

Despite the curiosity on her part, and the shock on your part, its not worth dwelling on. But you know that already. Take this as a test to show you were your at in your healing process.

[A4Effort]

Despite the curiosity on her part, and the shock on your part, its not worth dwelling on. But you know that already. Take this as a test to show you were your at in your healing process.

I know Tal. But even with the retreat, she is the one initiating conversations, etc... I have been very good at keeping NC and moving on with my life. Why does she make the effort to check in on me? Does she feel guilty for breaking up with me? Does she want to be friends?

When we broke up for the second time I told her straight to her face that after this break up I would never take her back ever again.

[talaniman]

I think the problem is you haven't been clear in expressing your not ready for a friendship. That's probably what she wants. If your not ready, be honest about it.

[A4Effort]

I will have to be next time she pulls off something like that.

What bothers me the most is that she came to this event in front of all my close friends and family. They all know what happened and what she did to me. To me, her showing up, was very disrespectful.

[talaniman]

So what? How you handle her "disrespect" is what counts.

[A4Effort]

So what? How you handle her "disrespect" is what counts.

So what? Come on! How can I just let her come in and out of my life like that? When someone hurts me this much I cannot just let them in my life again. I can't! Especially when I still have feelings for her. I cannot have her in my life at this time. I have told her this before. People always say I am too polite/nice. I should just go tell to F off.

But... I did think rationally and I think I handled it well. I just kept polite with her and treated her like any other guest.

[talaniman]

That's my point, as whatever her motives or intentions, you basically held true to yourself. That's a good thing, and a victory, as opposed to let her make you react out of your own nature. That's what was mean't by "so what".

[UnluckyDucky]

Most ex's loooooove to keep tabs on what we're up to in life. It's pure curiosity, plain and simple. I've had ex's from over 10 years ago contact me out of the blue... it's like they have this sixth sense and can tell when you're doing fine in life. Let's look at the facts here for a minute - you did invite her roommate. Even if you did not tell your ex directly, don't you think she was bound to find out? I am not one bit surprised she showed up...

Disrespect? Hmmm. Perhaps from your point of view. I see it as more like an annoying rash that won't go away. :cool:

But let's give credit where credit is due - I will most definitely give you kudos for handling the situation nicely though. My policy whenever you bump into an ex is to keep it polite and brief.