Check out some similar questions!

sergie · Sep 23, 2009, 02:28 AM

My Greetings to all!

I really don't know whether this is the right place to post, but anyway, here's my problem;
We used to live under same roof, i.e. Me, my wife, two kids and my Parents. Two years ago, I had to move to another country on official purpose and as a result I couldn't go home because of intense work abroad, and I couldn't get leave also ( some official purpose). Few days ago, my wife and my mother got into some argument, an in anger, my wife left my home along with two kids, and now living in another place under rented room. My wife is jobless, and she wants me to support her, at the moment. Now the thing is, I get enough salary for me to survive only because couple of years ago, I took a huge loan from the company to buy a new house and almost all my salary is deducted to pay back the loan.
My parents want my wife and the kids to come home, but my wife is stubborn and don't want to go home. Even I spoke to her so many times and asked her to go home, but, no change. I really cannot support my wife and the kids with rented room. But my father can, as he is still working and have enough money to support the family. He has been supporting eversince, I bought the home and he is willing to support even now.
I am really fed up with my wife, and in no mood to talk, talking on the phone over a large distance, is also expensive. All I want at this time is , My wife to go home.
Noble people, I expect to see your replies, as I really don't know what to do at this time. I am fed up counselling my wife. With this situation I cannot concentrate on my work also. Help Please:(:(:(

frasia maidza · Sep 23, 2009, 04:10 AM

Hie Serge

L just join this site today and l was touched by your story.I think you should forgive your wife and take her back,I know u can do it.See what happened to Jesus, he died for everyone and just imagine what the situation be like if he did not die for US?

carlee611 · Sep 23, 2009, 05:46 AM

Hey!
If you haven't got the money then you simply can't do it and she needs to understand this. Its not all about her and theissues she may have with your parentsits also about the children and they need a roof over there heads if you haven't got the mony to support her then she needs to swallow her pride and go back and stay with your parents at least for the children's sake!

siouxzanne · Sep 23, 2009, 12:16 PM

I have an idea. Perhaps your parents could take the kids. She will do whatever she pleases. You could tell her that she is welcome at home, but just a heads up, the moneys not there and you will need her help to give her what she wants. It seems to me that she has choices to make. Perhaps she will find a way to support herself with some encouragement. But to put the kids through differences between individuals is juvenile. When she gets settled you will talk about custody.

Hope things are better. siouxzanne

sergie · Sep 23, 2009, 07:19 PM

Thank you so much to farsia, carlee and siouxzanne.

But, the thing is she don't want to go home. Why is it that she don't understand my problem? She won't let the kids go, I aso pleaded her to return the kids to my parents , and do whatever she wants, but please free the kids. I begged her , But still, she won't return the kids. I don't want the prssure to build up in the kids or they wan't to know about this.
I have lost all my hope, courage and energy,
Because of this problem, I really cannot concentrate on anything. I am broken and crushed. I can see my life falling apart right in front of my eyes.:( :( :(

sergie · Sep 23, 2009, 07:24 PM

Originally Posted by frasia maidza

Hie Serge

l just join this site today and l was touched by your story.I think you should forgive your wife and take her back,i know u can do it.See what happened to Jesus, he died for everyone and just imagine what the situation be like if he did not die for US?

Farsia,
I really don't understand what you mean to say. Maybe, elaboration may help me to some extent, anyway thnk you for your effort.

Regards.

siouxzanne · Sep 24, 2009, 09:25 AM

Keep your faith. It feels like it's falling apart but everything will end up fine. Be strong. You may need to get the law involved. I would try to really reach her with compassion and support, what is her issue about living with the parents? Are they controlling her? When you understand why you can start to work on the problem. Honestly, it may not be the best situation. Offer to work on those things that she wants, but you need time to plan, save, and search out solutions. How old are the kids? Are the kids happy with the parents? Find out the issue. Respond with compassion and understanding. She seems desperate. Understanding and responding in love is a stregnth for you now. It's not giving in, she may open up. Offer her college classes, or yoga, ways that she can grow and care for her needs if she can go back until things get worked out. Maybe she wonders why she is needed in that family.

sergie · Sep 24, 2009, 07:23 PM

Originally Posted by siouxzanne

keep your faith. it feels like it's falling apart but everything will end up fine. be strong. you may need to get the law involved. i would try to really reach her with compassion and support, what is her issue about living with the parents? are they controling her? when you understand why you can start to work on the problem. honestly, it may not be the best situation. offer to work on those things that she wants, but you need time to plan, save, and search out solutions. how old are the kids? are the kids happy with the parents? find out the issue. respond with compassion and understanding. she seems desperate. understanding and responding in love is a stregnth for you now. it's not giving in, she may open up. offer her college classes, or yoga, ways that she can grow and care for her needs if she can go back until things get worked out. maybe she wonders why she is needed in that family.

Thank you siouxzanne for your support.
The kids are 3 yrs and 5 yrs old resp. I talked with the elder one, and he says he wants to go back home to his grandparents. He misses them a lot. Well, all I think is, I should wait and let the sitiutions get cool first.
Regards.

siouxzanne · Sep 24, 2009, 08:44 PM

Really try to hear her. That is the key to the issue. What is her defense? If you really hear her and seem to be responding to her problem she may work with you. Tell her you want her to be happy and fulfilled. You have been away a long time and she needs sweet talk. Tell her she's strong, beautiful and wise and that you long to be in her arms and that you want to secure a home where she will thrive. Just listen and tell her sweet nice things. Convince her that she is heard and will get what she needs and desires if she can be specific and patient. Because she must feel desperate to want to start over. She may have a point, it isn't always about what is convenient monitarily.

Give unconditional love and you will find unconditional love. Ask her personal questions like does she feel freer, more independent or less controlled now she's away.

Tell her you are her love, and will find a way to understand during this stressful time when you are worried and overwhelmed