[ETWolverine]

In honor of excon, I have spent this weekend doing some introspection, trying to find my inner racist and get rid of it. This was, after all, the weekend of Rosh Hashana, the beginning of the 10 Days of Repentance in Judaism. So I looked hard and deep... and I found that there are indeed strong and blatant forms of racism in the USA that I have been a part of and accepted for my entire life.

Therefore, I propose the following changes to American culture.

1) We need to stop using "K"s to indicate a strikeouts in baseball. The use of KKK to indicate a pitcher's effectivness in the game is clearly racist and harkens back to Major League Baseball's long connection with the Klu Klux Klan.

2) On every shelf of every paint store in the USA, white paint and black paint are kept sepparate from each other. Segregation ended in the 60s and 70s, and we should not be segregating our colors that way.

3) The term "Black Bear" for the Ursus americanus, a very large omnivorous animal that lives throughout most of North America, is racist. The next time you are being chased by an angry or hungry bear of this type, know that your fear is race-based, due solely to the name that WHITE scientists gave this bear. Stop being such a racist and try to make friends with the bear.

4) Watching TV shows like Dukes of Hazzard is racist, since they use the Confederate Flag as part of the show's symbology, and such symbols are racist by nature. The next time you admire a cute girl in a pair of Daisy Dukes, know that you are admiring a racist form of clothing associated with a racist flag.

5) Archie Bunker... nuff said.

6) If you like the TV show The Jeffersons (the spinoff from Archie Bunker), you are as much of a racist as if you like Archie Bunker. After all, here's the story of a Black man who managed to get out of the ghetto and move into a nice apartment on the Upper East Side of Manhattan... the high rent district. But what does he do for a living? He owns a dry cleaning business. Even though he managed to get out of the 'hood, he's still doing Whitey's laundry. That's racist. If you call yourself a non-racist, you should stop watching that show in reruns.

7) If you are a white person who has ever eaten a Ritz "Cracker"... good for you. You are self-effacing enough to be called a non-racist. But if you have ever eaten a "Black and White" cookie... watch out. You're a segregationist. Keeping the white and black frosting apart is racist in the extreme. Avoid these cookies at all cost.

8) Ditto for Oreo Cookies. Call your senator and have them start an investigation of Kraft Foods, makers of the Oreo Cookie, on charges of racism.

9) If you have ever worn black to a funeral, you are clearly racist. What you are saying is that you associate "black" with death and that you want to relegate "black" to the cemeteries. This practice must stop. Instead, everyone should dress in bright colors to go to a funeral. At the very least, it would make the event more festive, and would keep the racism to a minimum.

10) If you have ever referred to the Plague as "The Black Death" you are a racist. Especially since most of the people who died of the plague were WHITE... it should have been named "The Whitey Death". Naming this deadly disease "black" is an insult to Blacks and an attempt to psychologically instill fear of the Black man in people. Therefore, all historical references to "The Black Death" should be purged and replaced with something more benign... like "The Great Pestilence" or "The Really, Really Bad Disease That Killed 60% of Europe's Population In The Fifteenth Century".

11) Black & Decker tools... nuff said.

If we all make these little changes to our lives, I'm sure we can properly eliminate any traces of racism from the American mindset in short order. We'll even be able to satisfy the most sensitive members of our culture, like excon, Maurene Dowd, and Jimmy Carter.

Elliot

[Curlyben]

I really hope that this has been posted in jest.

[tomder55]

Deleting reply

[NeedKarma]

Damn jews, always ruining everything.

[excon]

In honor of excon, I have spent this weekend doing some introspection, trying to find my inner racist and get rid of it.

Hello Elliot:

You need to look deeper.. But, THAT ain't going to happen.. It IS interesting that you list Archie Bunker.. He didn't know he was a racist either.

excon

[ETWolverine]

I really hope that this has been posted in jest.

Yes, it has, curly. It references some things excon said in other posts about "blatant racism" in America, and makes deliberate jest of them.

Elliot

[ETWolverine]

Damn jews, always ruining everything.

Yep... we're the proverbial fly in excon's logical ointment.

Elliot

[ETWolverine]

Hello Elliot:

You need to look deeper.. But, THAT ain't gonna happen.. It IS interesting that you list Archie Bunker.. He didn't know he was a racist either.

excon

Excon, the only racist among us is you... the guy LOOKING for racism where none exists, the guy bringing up race where none is intended. YOU are the only race-baiter here.

Elliot

[speechlesstx]

I for one promise to stop drinking milk... it's a totally white beverage.

[NeedKarma]

Same with me and Coke - it's so black, it even looks lazy and ghettoish.

[tomder55]

Don't forget Michelle Obama's excellent shopping trip for Tuscan Kale.
washingtonpost.com
Another name for Tuscan Kale is black Kale... nuff said .

[speechlesstx]

Well, Obama's incredulity over the price of arugula at the Whole Foods Market and his decision to ask Gov. Paterson to step down through the media sure seem to indicate he favors his white half.

[ETWolverine]

Actually, NK's comment illustrates the problem. Some people can't seem to see where the line between racism and normal behavior is drawn.

We went from a humorous commentary about accusations of non-existant racism to a full-blown racist comment in one sentence. Why? Because someone here (and I'll let you all guess who) doesn't know the difference between racism and normal behavior.

Fact is that what some people, like excon, Maurene Dowd and Jimmy Carter consider racism, really isn't. It is normal behavior by normal people. But some people, either out of ignorance or over-sensitivity or for political purposes, try to paint those activities as racism... and it can become humorous at times. When people see racism where there is none, it can be pretty funny...

Like the old saw I once heard about Jews all being rich... that's why fancy expensive baubles are called "Jewelry". (Yes, I actually heard someone say that in all seriousness. It took all my efforts not to laugh in his face. He THOUGHT he was making a wise connection.) Such comments can be funny as heck. Trying to find some ominous connection where none exists is often hilarious.

And it is also a fact that some people don't realize when they HAVE stepped over the line rather blatantly.

I would note, however, that at least in this case the person who stepped over the line was not AMERICAN but rather CANADIAN. And a leftist to boot.

Which brings into question the thesis of Maurene Dowd and Jimmy Carter that such racism is part of AMERICAN culture, and is a major motivator for the politics of the RIGHT.

Elliot

[NeedKarma]

... but rather CANADIAN. And a leftist to boot..

If you've ever spent some time here you'd know that we don't have a polarized left/right setup here with all the animosity that entails. Both sides are versions moderates with subtle difference in policy.

And of course my comment was in jest, in keeping with this thread.

[speechlesstx]

And of course my comment was in jest, in keeping with this thread.

What's telling is it's 2 conservatives pointing out to you that it wasn't funny, it crossed the line. But then we're the racists, right?

[ETWolverine]

If you've ever spent some time here you'd know that we don't have a polarized left/right setup here with all the animosity that entails. Both sides are versions moderates with subtle difference in policy.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Sorry, I had to get that out of my system.

So... you're saying that EVERYONE in Canada is a moderate... that there are no political fights in your system... that everyone basically agrees on everything.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Sorry, I just can't help myself. That's just too funny. Especially coming from someone like yourself who is on the leftist fringe and apparently doesn't even recognize it.

And of course my comment was in jest, in keeping with this thread.

Oh... well, then, since it was just a joke, the use of the "n" word can just be ignored, as well as the implication that all Americans are racists.

Perhaps it would be best if you stay in Canada. Because in New York, a comment like that would put you in a hospital where you would discover how vastly superior American healthcare is over Canadian healthcare as they sewed your spleen back inside your body. And it is just as likely for it to be a white man that puts you there as a black man. Because in the USA, MOST people take an insult of that sort very seriously even if it wasn't aimed at them. (That's one of the ways MOST Americans know that we aren't racists... we're willing to beat the crap out of someone who so blatantly insults someone of another race, even if it isn't OUR race. Apparently that isn't quite so true in Canada, because you clearly never learned the proper modes of behavior... )

That comment wasn't funny, NK. In case you couldn't figure it out.

Perhaps it's the fact that you don't have as much diversity of culture in Canada. In the USA, we learn what is permissible in polite company, and what's not. We learn the difference between humor and... well... what you did.

Yes, you MEANT it in jest. But you missed the mark by a wide margin.

Excon, Carter and Dowd meant their criticism in the best possible way as well. But they also missed the mark by a wide margin.

And all for the same reason... an effed-up compass of moral behavior.

THAT was the intent of my post... to show just how effed up a moral compass can get, and how funny it can be when it happens.

Now do you get the joke?

Elliot

[ohsohappy]

Darn racist cookies.

[ETWolverine]

darn racist cookies.

Yep... and let's not forget "black & white cake"... all those layers of cake, never coming together, always sepparated by those layers of icing. They SAY that they all the layers are separate but equal, but we know the truth. It's segregation, pure and simple.

Elliot

[ohsohappy]

Yep... and let's not forget "black & white cake"... all those layers of cake, never coming together, always sepparated by those layers of icing. They SAY that they all the layers are separate but equal, but we know the truth. It's segregation, pure and simple.

Elliot

Cake can be a real D**k sometimes.

What about the "little black dress statement?
Making it sound like blacks are less than us. Every woman should throw out her little black dress!

[speechlesstx]

I take it I'll have to give up Blue Bell chocolate chip ice cream. All that rich, creamy vanilla goodness with those dark bits of chocolate that can never blend in...