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pagehelp · Sep 19, 2009, 01:38 AM

we planned things to do together during the next couple of days, but all of a sudden he changed his mind and called everything of. His excuse was he has a lot of work. But when I called to meet him because we wouldn't see each other for a whole week, he said he's going out with his friends to do the same thing he planned to do with me. Yet he didn't invite me.
he mentioned he met a girl he had a one night stand before me and she is also an ex of a friend who's going out with them. I've never met her but they're all sort of friends. That male friend of his is cheating his wife with random girls, just to say. So I don't aprove their friendship but he is my boyfriend's best friend for a long time.

can I trust my boyfriend? I'm quite worried and feel left out. What do you think is going on here?

phoenix1664 · Sep 19, 2009, 01:53 AM

Hi well I know I am suppost to be biast towards men being one and all but to be perfectly honest that is out of order and I would not trust my partner doing things like that. And I think that even if he is not cheating there is some problem. He needs to realise what he is doing and how it affects you confront him tell him that what he is doing has done is not right and talk to him make him listen to you or just go out with your friends I know people say revenge is not the answer and its not but just get away then confront him with a cool head if needs be. I hope it helps and you sort it out

Matt

talaniman · Sep 19, 2009, 10:17 AM

I don't know what's going on with him, but I hope you see that he has other priorities that come before being with you. Don't allow someone to treat you that way.

BMI · Sep 19, 2009, 10:36 AM

I agree with the above.

While not enough information to conclude whether he is cheating, it is enough to see that you were not his top priority, at least this week.

I'd always be weary when someone uses work as a reason for being so busy. I mean, sureone ca have lots of work to do but usually in preparation for the next day, not an entire week. Also, if he did have all this work one would imagine that, once finished, he'd be eager and excited about finally being able to see you.

Just think of the type of excuses you'd use when a friend you do not want to go out with calls, work would be right up there.

pagehelp · Sep 19, 2009, 11:37 AM

I don't know why would it be a question of priority? It's perfectly normal we both have our own lives while being together. I don't mind him going. I want to go alone with my friends sometimes but I'm honest about that.

He's just left me with great suspicion why he canceled our plans out of nowhere? Why so unnecessary too much work excuse? I'm worried about the influence his best friend has on him. I mean the guy is cheating his wife! He even tried to make moves on me when we met one night in the club.
Now I'm driving myself crazy with thoughts how they flirt with girls or are at least checking them out.

talaniman · Sep 19, 2009, 11:52 AM

It must be a problem since it affects you and makes you suspicious.

This is where you be honest and tell him exactly how his actions makes you feel.

Its called honest communications, that don't blame, but seeks answers.

Alty · Sep 19, 2009, 11:59 AM

Tal, I had to spread the rep, but I agree.

Ask him why he left you out, why he canceled all your plans because he was too busy but still has time to go out with friends, including a girl he had a one night stand with.

If there's nothing to hide then why weren't you invited.

I'd be suspicious too.

pagehelp · Sep 19, 2009, 12:28 PM

I know I have to talk to him but I hate that trust issue topics. I don't want to be perceived as jealous or clingy by aking such questions. I know it's not good but I rather avoid talking about it. But keeping it to myself only makes me feel worse and more worried.
I'm thinking about going out with my friends and just have fun.
Besides how do I know if anything he tells me is true?

Cat1864 · Sep 19, 2009, 12:54 PM

It isn't jealous or clingy to need clear communication.

talaniman · Sep 19, 2009, 02:27 PM

That's why you express yourself, because why have worries, or fears, and not address them before they become anger, and resentments.

At least then you have facts to address your feeling with, and can see if his words match his actions.

The thing is, avoiding things doesn't make them go away, nor can you understand them.

Yeah, he may be a lying, cheating, uncaring dog, or he may not be. But you'll never know without asking questions, and him answering, you'll just assume the worst, and those feelings will skew your perspective, and really confuse this relationship.

I am sure you can come up with a very calm way of talking to him, or else you don't have the relationship you thought you had.

There is no way he can reassure you, if you don't share your concerns in an open honest way.

The easy way out (saying nothing) never works in a healthy adult relationship.