Check out some similar questions!

none12345 · Sep 18, 2009, 08:05 PM

Hey everyone, I just want to know what everyone thinks of this. Everyone has an image of their ideal mate with certain qualities, certain physical appearance. And personalities. I was wondering if someone else comes along and they are not that person you picture, would you settle for less than what you have expected.

By the way when I mean less I don't mean anyone is better I mean different than what you have expected but deep inside you still want that mate that you have always dreamed of?

Fr_Chuck · Sep 18, 2009, 08:07 PM

I doubt we ever find a complete dream, and if we do, often we find it is not all we thought it was

Cat1864 · Sep 18, 2009, 09:10 PM

I think when people get so caught up in Ideals, they miss so many opportunities to get to know someone who is "right" for them.

I have found that those who think they "settled" are usually the ones who end up looking for more outside their relationship because they feel like they missed someone or they should have waited.

I personally found someone better.

j_ely823 · Sep 18, 2009, 09:36 PM

People, like myself--compose these lists of desirable qualities that we prefer in the opposite sex. However this question is very complicated; these attributes can be assessed quanitatively or qualitatively. The former meaning, its about how many they have that your looking for. The latter suggests that its about the relative value of the quality. For example, lets say you have a list of 3 things; smart, funny, cute. It seems that when we are younger looks are more essential, however when you mature, one realizes there are so many other aspects of attraction. If you want the most for your money you look for cute and lets say funny. But, if you value intellect over looks and funny is just optional, your not really settling, you've just decided that one is more important over the other. And so I would like to conclude b saying, its only settling, if you are counting your losses. We can Never have everything we want.

amicon · Sep 19, 2009, 01:10 AM

I don't really have a list but I know that when I feel Im ready for a relationship there d be inner qualities I d be looking for not so much looks.

talaniman · Sep 19, 2009, 10:27 AM

I have never had a list, but have dated and known many females so I can tell you to keep the mind open, and see what happens over time. It's a risk, but either it works, or it doesn't.

I just think there is more than one person who you can work together with, and build something if your're both willing, and pay attention.

Settling is when you need someone more than you think you do, and that's when you honestly should question yourself, and your motives.

Settling is what people do when they can't meet their own expectations, or have unrealistic expectations that no one can meet.

BMI · Sep 19, 2009, 10:45 AM

Good question.

I think everyone has the perfect partner in their head. Although I think perhaps for some it would be a person based on past relationships. Meaning, the good things about previous partners rolled into one. I also think what you liked before you'll look for again. If one personwas really attractive and you liked the attention you'd want that, if they were funny you'd want that and so on.

I think everybody would fail when going up against the ideal. I think one settle's when they feel they are not happy but rather than be alone or roll the dice again they put up with what they have.

You cannot compete against the perfect image but you'd probably look to love someone more than what you loved in the past. I think that to be more realistic.

j_ely823 · Sep 19, 2009, 06:59 PM

Let me elaborate. I don't mean that we literally put pen to paper and write these things down. Its more a mental thing. Like "I want a guy who has these qualities:..."

Alty · Sep 21, 2009, 05:29 PM

Good question.

I always wanted to end up with someone that was kind, caring, has a good sense of humor, intelligent, you know, all that good stuff.

Looks never really mattered that much to me. I dated guys that were drop dead gorgeous and had the personality of a snail. I also dated guys that weren't very attractive but their personalities made them gorgeous.

I know I didn't settle. My hubby is everything I could ask for and more. Of course there are times when I'd sell him to the Gypsy's for a rusty nickel, but more often then not we're very happy. No, he's not drop dead gorgeous, nor is he Quasimoto but he has such a good heart, kind, caring, loving and then some, I couldn't help but fall in love with him and 19 years later, I still love him.

When you meet the right person you'll know, then all the lists, real and hypothetical, will go out the window.

makapuu · Sep 23, 2009, 03:09 AM

I've always wanted a smart, educated, rich, tall, dark and handsome man. I found a lot of them over the years, and it seems like all the ones I dated were real jerks. So I let go of that high standard. I'm now dating a tall, blond, blue-eyed man of mystery and I'm happier than ever.

auburn2805 · Sep 23, 2009, 03:55 AM

I have always pictured the ideal guy. Tall, handsome, athletic, funny, intelligent, along with many other qualities. But I think its good if you find someone you really like that doesn't match all of that... Thats what makes it unique. If you feel the connection with him, then I wouldn't let it pass because you want the perfect guy. If one day the perfect guy comes along while you are dating the one you are now, then it'll be up to you at that time. But no one knows what's going to happen, so don't let something good pass you up where you will regret it in the future.

Romefalls19 · Sep 23, 2009, 06:29 AM

I wouldn't call it settling, but my fiancé isn't the typical girl I would look to date. I was always dating younger girls but my fiancé is older than me, has 2 kids from a previous marriage and is different than any girl I've dated before, not a bad different but not what anyone, including myself, was expecting