[VictorAntonioA]

I will do my best to summarize it all.

I am not new in relationships. I believe that I have had some good experience on being a loyal, honest, and forgiving boyfriend... I just moved recently to a new town. I am in my own pursuit of happiness. I have a broken heart due to past relationships and I am looking for something true.

2 months ago I met a girl. And when I saw her, I knew I wanted to be with her. So I started going there everyday. I started helping out at her mom and dads sushi restaurant almost everyday because she is there everyday. And as the days went by we started clicking. Slowly but Surely.

But here is the thing...

Her dad told me she is a virgin. Her mom says she has never had a boyfriend. And the bad thing is. That I really believed them at first. But I have been noticing strange things...

Let me explain.

The first couple days she was very shy. And she didn't say much. But she would do things or sometimes say things that a "virgin girl who has never been with anyone" just wouldn't say. And I kept quiet. I kept studying.

Until I started asking some questions.

And she would look away. She would try and explain. But it just didn't make sense.

She has recently told me things that have blown me away.
She told me that her parents were the ones who told me that she has never had a BF and that she is a virgin. And not her.

One day we went to her old school and as we were walking holding hands... she saw someone and said "oh no, its david" and let go of my hand. The dude came over and they both kissed each other on the cheek, said hi and then we left.
A couple days later she told me that the guy was her ex...
She also told me that when she was in school. She never hung out with girls. And that all girls hated her. She only hung out with guys... she likes being around them... she told me she would spend lots of time with her best friends (which were boys) and I have no idea what they might have done. She doesn't tell me.

By the way... she is in a hurry to get married with me. She doesn't want me to go anywhere. Not even on vacation with my family because she says that distance will tear us apart...

She has a ring on her finger because I proposed. But it was a proposal of a promise that in a couple years we would get married. But she doesn't want that.

BUT HERE IS THE GOOD PART.

One week ago I kind of made up a story that two dudes came by to my house and told me some rumors about her... so I called her and told her that I knew some things about her that had been revealed to me. She denied it all and All of a sudden she changed.
She has been talking to me so sweet. She told me not to believe them and that they just want to cause problems. She said that she is not surprised that someone would do that, and that many more will come and tell me things about her. But not to believe them.

And the worst part is that yesterday she told me that she might have got RAPED along time ago but that she doesn't remember a lot of it.

I just don't know what to believe. I am so lost. I want to believe her because I really do like her. But some things just don't fit in. some things just DO NOT MAKE SENSE.

What the hell do I do?? :confused: :(

[tickle]

You started this whole thing going, guy. You were the one asking questions about her and now it is mushroomed into a problem that you can't get rid of, in other words, you have created a situation that need not exist.. Why does her past matter to you if you like her so much. Just get on with it, stop trying to dig up stuff and let her be so you can actually find the real girl underneath.

Tick

[VictorAntonioA]

Yeah but at least I am honest about my past. If we are going to get married then all she needs to do is be sincere... that's all I ask for

[paxe]

You need a chill pill. Things seems to be going way too fast and you don't know each other yet. How can you marry someone without knowing them? Even after 3 years, you may believe you know someone but you don't. Take things slow, tell her what YOU want, don't let her control you.

[zippit]

She can be sincere without giving you every detail about the past
You said you have experience with relationships? Why is it so important to you that you know if she has slept with anyone ?
Who she has slept with?
How many times she has?
She gave you two hints that she is no virgin
1. you heard that from my parents not me
2.the rape issue
Now what to do with this information?
Dismiss anything from her past and begin to start new,and tell her that is what you want you don't care about the past and you want to start a future with her
Why did the parents tell you what they did?
Because they LIKE you and they want you to be with the daughter.Its all WIN for you dude just don't mess it up worrying about things that don't matter

[VictorAntonioA]

Thank you for your help everyone

[zippit]

thank you for your help everyone

Your very welcome,
If you get a chance give us a update,all right?

Good luck:D

[VictorAntonioA]

I will do my best... I am just tired of broken hearts. I will believe in me. I will believe in her. And just keep going forward

[zippit]

I understand but you can't hold the past against this girl
In order for you to be able to get to know her and get e feel for her on a deep level
You can't have a broken heart you have to have a open heart
And with your open heart if you feel something is not right than follow it just make sure its not that old broken heart talking again!

[Gemini54]

I think that there are any number of alarm bells and red flags here.

1. her parents tell you lies about her.
2. she wants to marry you and won't let you live your own life.
3. she says a range of things about previous relationships and men in her life.
4. she says she might have been raped but can't quite remember.

You have known her 2 months.

And, now you've make up stories about some dudes that came to your house and told you stories about her... somehow you've allowed yourself to get drawn into this weird scenario as well.

I just don't know what to believe. I am so lost. I want to believe her because I really do like her. But some things just don't fit in. some things just DO NOT MAKE SENSE.

You know something is not right. You know it. Trust your guts, intuition, whatever. There is no happiness to be pursued here.

Run, as fast as you can for the hills on this one. Don't look back.

This is trouble with a capital T.

[VictorAntonioA]

I can't run away from her anymore... I cant. She trusts me

[Gemini54]

I can't run away from her anymore...... I cant. She trusts me

Er, yea, but you don't trust her!

And, you've only known her TWO months - hardly a life long commitment.

[VictorAntonioA]

This is all a damn mess

[plonak]

Ok I am confused here.. first of all you have no right to make up conclusions, you have not heard these things from her, so you shouldn't hold anything against her until you have heard it from her.. secondly, where do you get off judgeing her? Just because her parents say she's a virgin and you "suspect" she is not doesn't mean crap?! Of course her parents think she's still a virgin!! Like she would tell them anything!

You seem to be digging up none existent dirt here.. why don't you be a mature man and talk to her directly if you have a problem with her instead of making up lies and maybe you should stop pointing your finger at her at look at your own problems.. seems to me like you have many!

[talaniman]

2 months ago I met a girl. And when I saw her, I knew I wanted to be with her

That's fine as long as you take the time to see what your really getting into, and that takes a LOT longer than 2 months.

I just moved recently to a new town. I am in my own pursuit of happiness

That's great, so why are you risking your happiness on a stranger?

I have a broken heart due to past relationships, and I am looking for something true.

I suggest you take the lessons of the past and learn from them, and not just expect the perfect girl to just show up. That's unrealistic.

I just don't know what to believe. I am so lost. I want to believe her because I really do like her. But some things just don't fit in. some things just DO NOT MAKE SENSE.

If you don't like what you see so far, then its time to go. Obviously you are not ready for an adult relationship, and even considering marriage at this point, is plain crazy. Back off, way off.

what the hell do I do??

You stop falling in deeper than you are and take the time to get all the facts before you make a decision.

Your pursuit of happiness depends on the good decisions you make for yourself, not who you are with.

Deal with your own past and heal from those scars before you take on someone else's. In addition, since you can't express yourself honestly, and without the deceptions, then you don't belong in an adult relationship. This is about you and what you do about the truth, and how you find it, not about her past.

[VictorAntonioA]

Its really easy to be an outsider and tell me that Im wrong. Or that Im right. To move on. Not to move on. I got problems. Who doesn't? I'm just trying to do the right thing. And many many people have told me to let go. Even my parents. My brother. My family... but I see the goodness in her. I see who she really is.
Its just that some things just don't fit in. but... it. I will make it work. And once again thank you all.
But its not as easy as you all may think

[talaniman]

Life itself is easier said than done, but you get nothing in this life without a lot of hard work, and that starts with YOU, not her.

Trust me guy, relationships are never fixed, or even healthy, when one or both partners has issues to be dealt with. How can you deal with her issues, when its your issues, getting in your way??

If you see the good in her, and are willing to take a risk, and work together, then thats one thing. Not knowing what to do is another, and is a bad as doing the wrong thing.

My point, your in to deep for a two month relationship, and have lost your perspective, and objectivity. All you see are obstacles that have distracted you from the goal, to be happy and share that happiness.

Now think it over, and get the facts for yourself, so your decisions aren't based on just confused feelings.

[Cat1864]

its really easy to be an outsider and tell me that Im wrong. Or that Im right. To move on. not to move on. I got problems. who doesnt? im just trying to do the right thing. and many many people have told me to let go. even my parents. my brother. my family... but i see the goodness in her. I see who she really is.
Its just that some things just dont fit in. but.... it. I will make it work. and once again thank you all.
but its not as easy as you all may think

What easy? Most advice you will get here is that it is hard work.

You ask us if she really is who she says she is, but then you say "I see who she really is."

Who has SHE said she is? A female, not exactly what her parents' think, not what rumors may say? There is a lot in your post about what other's say about her. Very little about what she says.

The red flag for me is the wanting to get married so soon. The possible reasons for that would scare the pants on me.

If you are going to insist on staying in the relationship, learn to communicate.

[VictorAntonioA]

Thank you all for your advice