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amicon · Oct 6, 2009, 05:20 AM

I hope you continue to feel better.
Liars such as your ex seem to live in a little world of their own where the lying is a way of life and they don't realise that people see through them.
Now you can stick to the NC and heal from the split.

destiny09 · Oct 6, 2009, 05:51 AM

I have been reading through other peoples issues today and can relate to so many, a lot of the things people have done and I have done worse, don't make me feel like such a worthless loser!!

I don't think he thinks of himself as a liar, not with us anyway! He has no remorse for anything and feels just for the bad things I have ever done.

I am very impatient and want to move on and get over it now... dont want to waste any of my life crying over him... he would not be doing the same so why should I!

destiny09 · Oct 16, 2009, 05:04 AM

OK, I have made a huge mistake today, feeling very low upset and confused about my feelings towards my ex.

I made contact with him via e mail, saying how I never wanted this for us etc and wish it had been different etc

He was cold and off with me. I wish I never sent the email. I feel lower than before. WHY oh WHY am I doing this to myself. Why am I missing and would love to have back the man who treated me so badly and hurt me! I don't understand it.

He hasn't bothered me in any way, rarely makes contact and when he does its only about something necessary.

Why do I wish he was begging me to take him back

I am so confused and have gone from feeling quite strong to very upset and confused

amicon · Oct 16, 2009, 05:13 AM

You miss him because you spent a long time together.
However you KNOW that many things in your marriage were nowhere near good which is why you kicked him out.
See your e-mail as a temporary set back and try to find that inner strength again.
Things get better with time -another couple of weeks down the road you ll feel much better.
Stay as busy as you can and take good care of yourself.

destiny09 · Oct 16, 2009, 05:20 AM

That's the thing though, I kicked him out as it was that bad so why want him and it back?

I am only hurting myself but find myself most days thinking of the good times and the love that was there.

Its like I'm torturing myself with it!

Feel a mess today and last few days to be honest! Feel like I've lost control of my feelings and don't know what I'm doing

amicon · Oct 16, 2009, 05:34 AM

All the feelings you re having are normal ,I think most of us on this board have been there-it s also about feeling lonely so it d be good if you could spend some time with family or good friends.

destiny09 · Oct 17, 2009, 08:16 AM

We have been broken up for a while now and haven't seen each other once, my friends are sick of me going on about him and being so down all the time.

I'm sick of going on about him!

Today is a hard day, we used to spend our weekends together doing great stuff after a long week at work, I miss him most at the weekends. Today is a hard day :-(

amicon · Oct 17, 2009, 08:39 AM

Weekends can be tough but don't fall into the trap of glorifying the good and not remembering the bad.
Ask yourself do you seriously want the confusion and the insecurity that was your relationship?

destiny09 · Oct 17, 2009, 11:48 AM

I would never want anyone to have that insecurity or bad relationship. I don't no why after all this time and everything that's happened I wish it could be different and that he could change and we could work. Why am I dwelling on it, why am I hanging on? Why can't I just let it go and try to move on. I hate the way I feel

destiny09 · Oct 20, 2009, 08:37 AM

I have a question for everyone who has read my history, I keep going over and over it in my head and will go mad if I can't get this a bit clearer?!

Why would he call me not long after we broke up and tell me his ex girlfriend (the one he cheated with 3 years ago) has moved on and is now pregnant with her new boyf?

Bearing in mind I think, don't know for def, that he has still been seeing her. I have no proof, only my gut feeling.

Is he trying to upset me, trying to hurt me or trying to pre warn me he has fathered another child somewhere else?? I am very confused by this

amicon · Oct 20, 2009, 08:52 AM

Its not possible to say.
Given his history it could be either.
Don't dwell on it and don't fall for his little mindgames.
Concentrate on moving forward and have on further contact with him.

talaniman · Oct 20, 2009, 09:38 AM

Your just running your little head around in circle aren't you. Thats what contact with an ex does. If your not in contact, you wouldn't have to ask us what he is thinking.

destiny09 · Oct 20, 2009, 10:13 AM

I don't have contact with him now, this was weeks ago but it has been playing on my mind. If it is what I think then I could be looking at divorce on the grounds of adultery although he would never admit anything. But also for my own peace of mind on the days I'm feeling down and wish he was here. Thinking of it makes me sick to think it could be that.

Its hard not to sit and wonder, I try, everyday not to and on a good day its not a problem and I think of him as exactly that, not my problem anymore but on the bad days which do come I wonder

destiny09 · Oct 23, 2009, 05:56 AM

Here is a question for you all...
I am going back a while...

I caught my boyf cheating, I loved him very much, I took it upon myself to make sure the other person new what was going on, I made a few phone calls, we talked at length and in a sense compared notes on him. Bearing in mind at the time I was crushed and hurting very badly.

I wanted to stay with him, give it another go, she also wanted to stay with him and make it work... still cheating he tried to keep on seeing us both.

Eventually all came out and to an end, now here is my question...

During my time being with him after catching him I pretty much made his life hell, constantly accusing him, argueing all the time, he became very paranoid, he felt like he was being spied upon because even though I never asked, people kept telling me they had seen him... I didn't realise this at the time, what I was doing, I was hurting and so in turn hurting him. While this was going on he lost his business because he couldn't focus, he became a bit of a wreck and felt like he was in prison... his words! He blames me for everything he lost because of how I treated him after and spilling the beans on him to his bit on the side, no doubt she made his life hard too but mainly its me 'who ruined his life'

Looking back I should have just left, I would have done it all differently, I can't change that, wish I could, I now realise that once that trust is gone its almost impossible to stay together.

Is it my fault??

adam_89 · Oct 23, 2009, 06:08 AM

Don't blame yourself over a piece of crap like this. Don't let him blame you either. He cheated and he has to suffer the consequences whatever they may be. You shouldn't have stayed with him, you do have that part right. People can't get back with someone after they cheated on them and expect them to not have a grudge against them. They have to work for the trust and be willing to make things work. He did neither of these things. So, here he is all screwed over because of the choices HE made. Don't blame yourself over it and move on with your head held high.

kctiger · Oct 23, 2009, 06:09 AM

He too had the option to leave. I would say fault isn't the issue here. You both made choices to stay in an obviously dysfunctional relationship and you both reaped the consequences. Lesson learned. The only thing I will fault you for is trying trusting an idiot, but we have ALL done that before, so can't really get too upset about that.

Originally Posted by destiny09

I wanted to stay with him, give it another go, she also wanted to stay with him and make it work.......still cheating he tried to keep on seeing us both.

Let me get this straight. Did he continue seeing both of you after you confronted him? It sounds that way... was he actually dating the two of you at the same time or did he break off entirely with the other girl?

adam_89 · Oct 23, 2009, 06:17 AM

Kc, I wish I could give you more greenies because all your advice this morning or whenever is great advice.

I wish · Oct 23, 2009, 06:22 AM

Are we talking about the same person?
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ng-397182.html

He had the choice of cheating or breaking up with you first.

What choice did you have? None, because you can't control his cheating actions.

Therefore, it's not your fault.

The only thing you could have done differently was dump him sooner, i.e. as soon as you found out instead of giving him more chances.

destiny09 · Oct 23, 2009, 06:22 AM

He actually carried on seeing us both... again my fault because I tried to make him choose!!

It was a mistake I would never make again, that's a promise to myself, no one else

destiny09 · Oct 23, 2009, 06:25 AM

I wish, its not the same person... I have some real bad luck with guys. ONLY 2 to ever cheat on me in my 32 years so fingers crossed last 2