[shawnaholm]

I just found out my son has been searching through Google and other search engines and looking for "girls on girls" - "hannah hiltons vagina" - "naked vaginas", what do I do? How do I handle this with him to where it is effective and non confrontational?

[J_9]

Move the computer to a public place in your house. Always be visible when he is on the computer.

Nonconfrontational? Who is the parent here?

Does Parental Controls mean anything to you?

[shawnaholm]

Wow!! This is a site for "Actual Help" right? Maybe I wasn't as clear as to my concern about the situation. The freakin computer is in an open area in my home. My concern is obviously far beyond what your capable of understanding.

Nonconfrontational is actually a healthy approach to teenagers. Your no help or use for me so get off my question.

[Gemini54]

The thing about this Forum is that people respond according to the information provided. You will get different responses, some of which you may not agree with. It's probably a good idea to be polite, even if you believe your question has not been answered to your satisfaction.

Have you talked to you son? I guess that all young men are curious about sex and women's bodies - the internet provides an incredibly easy access to information and visual material (even mobile phones do!) His actions are not unsual - in fact are normal - for a teenager.

Is his dad around? Perhaps he could have a talk with him. This is probabaly just a rite of passage, as I imagine most of the guys on this forum will tell you.

So, you either have a chat to him - it may just be natural curiosity - or if you are really concerned, you can put a program on your computer that blocks these sites.

[narayanancdm]

Blocking sites doesn't works good... He may try somewhere else (i.e, friends home, internet cafe).

Be free to talk to him that when you grow you get the things as you like... this age is for studies and extra curricular like that... watching of such sites may disturb your mind. So concentration on studies will be scattered...

Or make a conversation between you and your wife before your son... not directly insist anything to him... from your talk he may learn something...

Tell him that computer you can use more for learning purpose... and can increase your i.q..

Regards...

[shawnaholm]

I appreciate your approach much better than the previous. They simply got a natural reacyion to their natural response. I know that it is completely normal to be curious as a teen boy and although I can't picture "to me" my baby - my son visually seeing the trash trash that is all over the internet.

My real concerns are:
1. I don't want him to view women or think about sex in the way porn portrays it.
2. What if god forbid he "googles" something and it gives him a link that may be illegal and contain child pornography. The internet is bizarre and even I have "googled" something about the "White House" and a link to a "Whore House" came up. It just really sickens me how easy it is for children to access such evil filth. I didn't have the internet as I was growing up and it scares me to think what this world is going to be like when my youngest (that is almost two years old) is a teenager.

Yes his father is around. We actually share 50'50 custody and we have a great parenting relationship. His father wouldn't handle a talk about this in a way to reach my son. He's 15 and in La La land half the time.

I know his actions and curiousity is so normal but I want him to also respect himself and those around him. It is OK to be curious but I don't believe it is OK to allow it. He has a little brother and a little sister and I accessed his web history in 2 clicks and the lack of consideration of his siblings and others concerns me as well.

[justcurious55]

If that's what your concern is and that's what you want him to know then that's what you need to tell him.

And I still don't see any reason why you can't set parental controls.

And I was confronted plenty of times as a teen and believe I came out a better person for it. Your response to j_9 was uncalled for. You cannot expect us to know all of the details of the situation when you don't tell us the details. If you decide to stick around you'll quickly learn that when you're nice, the people on here can come up with all sorts of wonderful advice and support.

[shazamataz]

I was caught looking up porn when I was about 15, just at that age when you are learning about sex.

My mum found it and sat me down and talked to me.

She basically said (in a nice way) that it is not appropriate and I was not to go to those sites again.

I never did while I was under her roof.

Just talk to the boy... skirting around the subject and finding sneaky ways to block it from his computer is going to teach him nothing.
You need to actually TALK to him and EXPLAIN why it is wrong.

[shawnaholm]

Thank you, after sleeping on it I actually feel that being up front and honest with him . Because what we are dealing with today is "real raw in your face" situations and that might just be the way to approach it.

[CanadianCrook]

My opinion on this matter, may it be helpful or not is;

Is that HE at 15 years old and turning to pornography is a completely natural and healthy alternative. At that age, their sex drives are elevating through the roof. I think masturbation is a good way to release all the sexual tension and stress. Would you rather your son have sexual intercourse and get some 15 year old girl pregnant? I didn't think so.

If my mother told me when I was 15 that masturbation or pornography were wrong and not to be done. I wouldn't listen, why? Because you are 15 and what other alternatives are there to deal with the sex drive you suddenly possess? Now, I understand your concern for your younger children and viruses and what not on the internet. Do you have different "user logins" ? This would be a good idea in general, not just for the pornography issue.

Teenagers always talk about pornography and "who's hot." I remember when I was in high school and college.. that is all my buddies used to speak of.

I understand the views on pornography and masturbation are not shared by any rope in the world. Sorry If I offended anyone but that is my opinion.

[J_9]

My personal opinion on this matter, may it be helpful or not is;

Is that HE at 15 years old and turning to pornography is a completely natural and healthy alternative. At that age, their sex drives are elevating through the roof. I think masturbation is a good way to release all the sexual tension and stress. Would you rather your son have sexual intercourse and get some 15 year old girl pregnant? I didn't think so.

If my mother told me when I was 15 that masturbation or pornography were wrong and not to be done. I wouldn't listen, why? Because you are 15 and what other alternatives are there to deal with the sex drive you suddenly possess? Now, I understand your concern for your younger children and viruses and what not on the internet. Do you have different "user logins" ? This would be a good idea in general, not just for the pornography issue.

Teenagers always talk about pornography and "who's hot." I remember when I was in high school and college.. that is all my buddies used to speak of.

I understand the views on pornography and masturbation are not shared by any rope in the world. Sorry If I offended anyone but that is my opinion.

And what would you do if child porn was found on your computer and you were held liable as the parent?

This is why parental controls are available. One can even set their settings on their computer so that these sites do not pop up.

[desertstar36]

I have a son that age. I have also seen that some sites like that have been brought up. You do need to confront him. Try to be calm and understanding, because teenage boys are curious at that age. Our computer is in a open place too. I try to be more aware of what he is doing on it now. I also explained to him that he has a younger sister and we don't want her to see this stuff and that he has to be a good role model for her. Then I let him know I can check where he has been and that if he wants to use the family computer he can not visit those types of websites. I hope this helps.

[sGt HarDKorE]

My personal opinion on this matter, may it be helpful or not is;

Is that HE at 15 years old and turning to pornography is a completely natural and healthy alternative. At that age, their sex drives are elevating through the roof. I think masturbation is a good way to release all the sexual tension and stress. Would you rather your son have sexual intercourse and get some 15 year old girl pregnant? I didn't think so.

If my mother told me when I was 15 that masturbation or pornography were wrong and not to be done. I wouldn't listen, why? Because you are 15 and what other alternatives are there to deal with the sex drive you suddenly possess? Now, I understand your concern for your younger children and viruses and what not on the internet. Do you have different "user logins" ? This would be a good idea in general, not just for the pornography issue.

Teenagers always talk about pornography and "who's hot." I remember when I was in high school and college.. that is all my buddies used to speak of.

I understand the views on pornography and masturbation are not shared by any rope in the world. Sorry If I offended anyone but that is my opinion.

I agree with you. For me porn was a way to stay a virgin for as long as possible, and it never ruined my life. I also agree with whoever said that internet blockers will just have him look at porn at his friends house or w/e. That what I'd do. In addition, I don't know how good you are with computers, but I am aware of how to hide the sites I go to and how to get around blockers and such. Im not a computer geek or anything, so I'm sure your son knows how to do this stuff or could easily find out. I understand your view as parent as if I had kids I'm sure I wouldn't want to let them see porn either. But then thinking of how I am now, 17 years old, I couldn't imagine not being able to look at porn. It's not that I look at it every day or even every week.