[jokertown]

I have been really depressed for a long time and nothing seems to make me happy anymore. I always feel like everyone is holding me back, because they are. I live with my grandparents because at the age of 14 I decided to come out about being sexually abused by my mother's husband (it happened for about 10 years). My mother and I always fault, her husband and her would tell me that they hated me,they would hit me,throw things at me, kick me out of the house, walk off and leave me and my brother in stores,cuss me etc. When I told about what her husband had done to me the state came to my house and had my grandmother come to get me cause I wouldn't be staying there anymore. I thought my mother would leave her husband however, she didn't and told me that she didn't know why I was trying to break up "our" family. I thought things would be better at my grandmother's even though I didn't have my mother behind me but things got bad here too. My aunt lives with my grandparents and we fight all the time, she tells me I'm a "slut" and that I need to be sent away all the time. My brother came to live with us about a year ago and I thoguht it would be cool being able to live with my brother again but he is depressed himself and never wants to do anything. I met my real father about a year ago and seen him maybe 4 times ( he left when I was 1, so I never knew him) then he just stopped coming around or calling. I haven't talked to my mother in over 10 months. I have court about what my mother's husband did to me. Things are just so messed up in my life and I so badly want to be normal and stop feeling sorry for myself. I have bipolar, I'm 17, my grandmother doesn't allow me to talk on the phone or see any of my friends. I have been to 4 different schools since I have been living with my grandmother, I am now in an alternative school. And to top it all I'm a lesbian. I just don't know what to do anymore, nothing feels good to me anymore. I need some major help.

[imation]

Wow you've had it rough dahl...
I hate it when I hear about stuff like this happening aye...
Well I can't say much to make you feel better... because I haven't ever had an ecpirience like that...
And I hate saying that because I'm dying to make you feel better after reading that...
So maybe I just say... hang in there, everything happens for a reason, and the only reason to be depressed is because you can't find that reason... you just got to wait and try to find comfort in things...
Good luck

[greenmountain]

Hang in there. It does get better. Keep telling yourself that as many times as you need to. I'm so sorry that all of that has happened and is happening to you. As someone who experienced a series of trauma after trauma beyond my control (including being raped and stalked by the rapist), I will tell you that I am so much better than I was five years ago when I was non-functional at some points and at times just so depressed I kept thinking how much easier it would be if I just didn't wake up the next morning. I know five years may feel like a really long time right now. Maybe an hour feel like a long time, but you have to trust me, it does get better.

I can't tell you what will make you better or your situation better. Everyone has a different healing process. Do whatever makes you feel better or relieves you or releases your feelings, emotions, and/or confusion and doesn't harm you in any way. Therapy may or may not help you. Writing may or may not help you. Activism could help you or not. Though I've never tried it, I've heard EFT (Emotional Freedom Techinique) is often helpful. You can get a free manual that tells you how to do it at http://www.emofree.com. Just try things and see what works for you.

I'm really worried that your grandmother won't let you have any social interaction because your expression to your friends may help you process all of this or might make oyu feel less alone (if you feel alone). Has she given any reason for not letting you see or talk to your friends?

How much longer until you're 18? It may seem far off right now, but I would make plans and do what you need to do to leave your restrictive environment as soon as you graduate high school.

I'm sorry I cannot give you an exact plan, to follow step-by-step, and when you're done, you're better and all your major problems are gone.

Again, keep telling yourself it will get better, it will.

[jokertown]

Yeh thankx for all your alls help... I just feel like no one really understands me and I so badly want to be normal. However, with all that has happened to me in my life I just don't know how to be "normal". My grandmother won't let me see or talk to friends because my parents are going threw the court trying to get me put into a home. She just doesn't understand that I feel better when I'm with friends or people I actually want to be around. When I left my parent's home I had no friends, had to start new schools all the time and I couldn't get myself back into the groove of making new friends. To answer your question I'm almost 17 (will be in january). I am trying really hard to wait it out until I get 18 but I don't have a job and I'm trying to do good in school however last year I ddint get any credits so ill have 4 more years or high school (including this year). I just need some help as to how I can feel somewhat normal and not so caged up and hopeless. Thanks for hearing me out you guys. Getting help makes me feel a little better knowing that a stranger is willing to help me, makes me think that there is some good in the world.

[Sentra]

There is plenty of good in this world if you know the right people;).
If its really that impossible to socially interact while at home then do it on breaks while at school. If you are able to find a part time job, that might help to, it will get you out of the house, if anything. Sorry to hear about your dilemma and I hope that it gets remedied soon, just keep the hope, keep your faith and keep on being strong.

[jokertown]

Yeh, I guess ill find help else where since I didn't really find what I was looking for.

[Sentra]

Sometimes what you are looking for may not be best for you, which is why you came here to look for an outside opinion, hope you find something that will help you out.

[coxy1965]

Hey girl, hang in there. It sounds like you are stronger than you think you are. You aren't screwed up, it's the other ones around you that are. They need Help. You will get through this, remember, you are not alone. There are a lot of good, decent, loving people in this world that would love to help you. I know you have a school counselor. Go talk to them. You don't have to be embarrassed either. It is not your fault. I wish I could give you a big hug. You sound like you need one hun. Trust me though, everything will work it self out. We're all here for you.

[jokertown]

:D thankx you all I feel a lot better.

[jokertown]

:D thankx you all I feel a lot better.

[jokertown]

Wow... I don't know why that made a lot of posts

[aqua@home]

I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. I know that doesn't help. You will make it through. This has happened to you not because of anything you did and it's hard to imagine having to have a mother like yours. You are a very strong person. Look at what you have gone through already. I too went through a similar situation and in the end I am like the black sheep in my family. I think I would rather this than live with the secret. At least when it is out, you can deal with it. Part of me thinks that my own history has made me a better mother. You will never forget but as time goes on you will heal and it won't be so painful. Please continue to seek help and if you are ever feeling alone, pray. That may not comfort you, but you are not alone, ever. I know what it is like to feel like the mud on someone's shoes, I know how much that hurts. You are worth the same as everyone else, you just have to realize it.

Take care.