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SandBaby22 · Oct 28, 2006, 03:40 PM

Here's my situation, I am in the Navy and I am currently dating someone on my ship. So it is hard for us to not want to show affection while on duty. He flat out ignores me sometimes and I get so confused about it. Also he had a fling with another girl on here and she is PISSED that we are dating and I see her leave and 15 minutes later he will come and he told me he was going to get me some food and 3 hours later she comes back and not long after he comes back. I am parinoid but should I be. We don't say I love you and won't till the time is right. My question is how can I tell if he is really into me, he spends all his off time with me and he comes back early just to spend time with me. He used to be a male stripper and has "been around" and VERY goodlooking and I just find it hard to believe that me an average girl would be his type. I NEED HELP I am so CONFUSED.

Sandy

talaniman · Oct 28, 2006, 03:53 PM

How long has this been going on?

SandBaby22 · Oct 28, 2006, 05:03 PM

This has been only for a month but I really am falling for this guy he makes me feel so special but I have doubts I guess it is too soon to know yet. Is it, I know it's not love yet but it's getting there.

J_9 · Oct 28, 2006, 05:26 PM

Does he make you feel special because you are on a ship and have limited availability to other men?

So it is hard for us to not want to show affection while on duty. He flat out ignores me sometimes and I get so confused about it.

Does the above give you a big red flag?

Also he had a fling with another girl on here and she is PISSED that we are dating and I see her leave and 15 minutes later he will come and he told me he was going to get me some food and 3 hours later she comes back and not long after he comes back.

Well, apparently he does not belong to the same agenda as you. It seems as though he has you both. And he knows it. You are on a ship, small world for a man who is young.

You need to let this one go and find a real man once you get back on land.

Totally conflicting information here. There must be a reason he ignores you. Could it be the other woman on the ship?

talaniman · Oct 28, 2006, 07:59 PM

Originally Posted by SandBaby22

This has been only for a month but I really am falling for this guy he makes me feel so special but I have doubts I guess it is too soon to know yet. Is it, I know it's not love yet but it's getting there.

If your this wound up after a month, can you see yourself after 3 or 4 months? Hey sounds like your giving a stranger too much of yourself and not getting the same back, and your happy with that? When we sell ourselves that short we only cheat ourselves. Please slow down and see things for what they are not what you want them to be.

SandBaby22 · Oct 30, 2006, 03:16 PM

We have so much fun when we are together but sometimes he does ignore me and on the ship we are not supposed to be a "couple" and I know this but he could at least say hi to me once in a while. Also I find that I am sad far to often, thing is I just got out of a 2 1/2 year relationship he cheated on me on deployment and since then I have been really depressed I am trying to get over him by dating again but I just find it hard to smile sometimes. I care for my boyfriend and I really want it to work. I know how he feels about me he tells me he is getting really close to me. But how can I tell if he really likes me? I just have a hard time trusting a man after what my last one did to me, but that is a long story, we were the happiest couple ever I went away for 6 months and he fell on love with someone else so could you blame me for being so paranoid? I just want to be happy any advice on how to just be happy and thankful for what I have and to stop feeling sorry for myself? I really need help!

Sandy

Wildcat21 · Oct 30, 2006, 04:20 PM

Sounds like he's seeing both oof you. It's that women's gut feeling - that's usually 98% of the time RIGHT!!

No ttrust - no relationship.

Be point blank with him - ask him - if he's see the other gal - you end it.

This whole situation seems very unhealthy - he seems like a big player!!

I think you're in for one massive hurt from a guy like this whoi isn't honest/trust worthy.

SandBaby22 · Oct 30, 2006, 05:02 PM

I have asked him about it and he tells me that nothing is going on between them and that they both don't like each other anymore because of me. He said that it was a one time thing and that she just got really clingy, she is young and naïve. I told him I don't trust him and he tells me that I shouldn't it is too soon for us too really know each other. When I am with him and he pays attention to me I am happy but at times ha talks on the phone a lot and ignores me. I can't help but compare him to my past boyfriend whom was so great and I was never unhappy he made me laugh and was overjoyed all the time but with my current one... I am an average looking girl OK and he is a gorgeous guy who used to be a stripper and I just feel like we don't match, I mean we have a lot in common but he's just too hot for me and I feel I can't live up to his past girlfriends who used to be model gorgeous. I mean is he really interested in me? I am so confused what can I do to set him straight should I confront him with all of my feelings and tell him exactly how I feel and maybe that could make things better I was afraid that might scare him away. I just need some guidance!!

Sandy

talaniman · Oct 30, 2006, 06:26 PM

All this confusion is no good after a month and your issues are showing. Personally I don't think you have the maturity it takes to sustain a relationship at this point in your life, so I advice against it. Date and have fun without the drama.

I am so confused what can I do to set him straight should I confront him with all of my feelings and tell him exactly how I feel and maybe that could make things better I was afraid that might scare him away

Yeah a normal person would run for the hills, way too much drama for a month.

seeker2 · Oct 30, 2006, 07:11 PM

I agree with talaniam. A month is too soon. Try to take it a little slower. You need to build up trust in order for the relationship to really last. Enjoy the time you are with him. You deserve the happy moments try not to badger or you may scare him away.

valinors_sorrow · Oct 30, 2006, 07:26 PM

I found this in an article on the internet about onboard naval romances and I believe when the military discourages, it is:

"DATING DISCOURAGED

Sexual relations are prohibited aboard ships, and dating, although not prohibited,is discouraged. Crew members are given classes in conduct on a mixed-sex ship and instructed to observe certain courtesies, such as knocking first, yelling ``man on deck'' and then waiting five seconds before entering women's quarters.

Although women have served on Navy ships for more than 15 years, the Eisenhower is the first combat ship to send women to sea. There are 415 women and 4,552 men aboard, including nine female aviators, said Wensing."

J_9 · Oct 30, 2006, 08:59 PM

Sounds very much to me like a rebound relationship. After a 2 1/2 year relationship you are not ready yet for anything serious.

SandBaby22 · Oct 31, 2006, 01:00 PM

I was really afraid of that and I hate to say it but I think this is a rebound relationship, but I don't want to dump him just yet. I just let it ride for a while and see how it goes then I will make my decision when him and I have had time on land to get to know each other. I didn't say this but we have been out to sea the entire time of our relationship and only spent two days before we left to get to know each other. I think this might need time to make sure I am doing the right thing.

s_cianci · Oct 31, 2006, 04:42 PM

You need to take things very slowly and carefully here. You say that he's "been around." You also have suspicions about this other woman. Being onboard a ship together makes it very hard to stay away from anyone in particular ; people are forced to be very close together whether they want to be or not. This guy and/or the other girl could use this to their advantage and, consequently, to your detriment. I wouldn't put too much of an emotional investment in this situation. Otherwise I think you'll end up with a broken heart.

scotchtape · Nov 1, 2006, 09:57 AM

I'm going to take a different approach on this. If he makes you happy, be with him. He seems to want to spend time with you, if he does so on leave and goes out of his way to visit you. As for on the ship, I don't pretend to know military protocol, but I would assume it would not be appropriate to have shipboard romances. Maybe he ignores you because he does feel strongly for you and is afraid of getting in trouble because of it. I'm going to quote the Village here because I think it is appropriate in this situation: "Sometimes we don't do things we want to do so that others won't know we want to do them."

Don't give up hope, and NEVER be down on yourself. This man was a stripper? And you think he's handsome? That may be true, but who is to say that you are not beautiful? And at least you had the moral character not to sell your body. Don't think in terms of you not deserving this man, but think about whether he deserves you.

SandBaby22 · Nov 1, 2006, 12:10 PM

THANK YOU!! You have really made my day by saying this. I have laid a few things down on him and I know now that him and that girl are not even friends anymore in fact she hates me because I am with him and everyday she tells af friend of mine and hers how pissed she is about me having him. In fact he can't stand her and won't let me mention her name. As for being happy I have tried to get better, I suffer from depression and have talked to my doctor about dealing with my unhappieness and I am really making an effort to be thankful for what I have. He treats me well and pays for everything in fact he paid half my cell phone bill, which was 818.00 because of my ex so I think he cares I am just to blind to see what I have and take it for granted sometimes. I am trying not to compare myself to the women he has dated maybe he sees more in me than a pretty face I know that he loves my personallity, I just need to be more open minded and I do appriciate everyone's help it is nice to talk to others about your problems!!

Depressed in MO · Nov 1, 2006, 01:11 PM

"He said that it was a one time thing and that she just got really clingy, she is young and naive. I told him I don't trust him and he tells me that I shouldn't it is too soon for us too really know each other. "
There is your answer. You are already acting way too clingy yourself and are going to end up with the same results as the other woman did.

Depressed in MO · Nov 1, 2006, 01:14 PM

Originally Posted by SandBaby22

THANK YOU!!!! You have really made my day by saying this. I have layed a few things down on him and I know now that him and that girl are not even friends anymore in fact she hates me because I am with him and everyday she tells af friend of mine and hers how pissed she is about me having him. In fact he can't stand her and won't let me mention her name. As for being happy i have tried to get better, I suffer from depression and have talked to my doctor about dealing with my unhappieness and I am really making an effort to be thankful for what I have. He treats me well and pays for everything in fact he payed half my cell phone bill, which was 818.00 because of my ex so I think he cares I am just to blind to see what I have and take it for granted sometimes. I am trying not to compare myself to the women he has dated maybe he sees more in me than a pretty face I know that he loves my personallity, I just need to be more open minded and I do appriciate everyones help it is nice to talk to others about your problems!!!

I'm glad you got the answer that you wanted to hear, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it's the best advice. I think this guy is young, and men like that don't typically want to be tied down as you do after one month. He has already told you not to trust him, what else do you need to know?

J_9 · Nov 1, 2006, 01:36 PM

Sandy, read what you wrote here:

Originally Posted by SandBaby22

she just got really clingy, she is young and naive.

You are acting the same way. WAY too clingy. Expecting WAY too much for the shor time you have known him.

Now read this:

Originally Posted by SandBaby22

I told him I don't trust him and he tells me that I shouldn't it is too soon for us too really know each other.

Now read it again:

Originally Posted by SandBaby22

I told him I don't trust him and he tells me that I shouldn't it is too soon for us too really know each other.

Do you see the red flag here?

I know this is not what you want to hear, but sometimes the truth does hurt, and that is unfortunate, but that is also how we learn.

You are on ship, not supposed to be a "couple." He is on ship, wants some action, he is a man after all.

Could it be possible that you are his action on ship and when leave comes and you are on soil again he won't be running to you. His options are limited while on ship.

He moved from one girl, now to you. Do you see a pattern emerging?

CheryBombGirl · Nov 1, 2006, 01:38 PM

It sounds like things have potential to work out, as long as you play your cards right. I'm in a similar situation (Read "Blown Off") where I got too clingy, and things began moving too quickly. It's all okay now... but I was driving my guy away by talking about feelings too much, and sending him emails and whatnot. I'm actually surprised he's still around after all the drama. So, just be careful and take it slow. I think things will work out for you. Good luck.