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snippy07 · Sep 11, 2009, 10:02 PM

How likley do you think it is if somebody was cheated on by a previous partner and has been hurt by it, to cheat on their current partner?

MsMewiththat · Sep 11, 2009, 10:13 PM

Interesting question, I think it really depends on the persons personality and maturity. You will see from many of the posts on here there are some people that will run out and react in an effort to "hurt" the other person or even the score. However, there are many that would feel hurt and never want to put that emotion on someone else. Why do you ask? Just curious?

snippy07 · Sep 11, 2009, 10:19 PM

My friend is kind of nervous about his girlfriend cheating on him because she has been acting different. She has been cheated on, and her dad cheated on her mom. He asked my opinion and I told him I don't think she would since she knows how it feels.

artlady · Sep 11, 2009, 10:24 PM

I know that having been on the receiving end of an affair and having suffered through that I would never want to do that to anyone else.

Even to the person that did it to me.

I simply have too much self respect to lower myself to that type of game playing with someone's emotions.

People usually cheat because they have little self control and or they are unhappy in their relationship and they think it will make them happy.It may do that short term but in the long run it plays out badly.

I think most people who have been cheated on abhor cheating and usually avoid it them self. There are always exceptions and nothing about cheating is written in stone.
Lots of variables.

j_ely823 · Sep 11, 2009, 10:32 PM

I agree with the first response mostly. It definitely has to do with their personality and maturity. If the person is insecure and young it is likely I would speculate. Even older people tend to do that. This has happened to me, I cheated on my boyfriend even though he didn't "cheat" on me. But he said something that made me feel extremely insecure about our relationship and how he felt about me. So, in essence, you can say I reacted to cheat on him, but it definitely wasn't intentional. Instead, I was seeking comfort, and self-esteem boost (which is why most women cheat) from another guy, as I felt like my own boyfriend didn't feel the same way about me that I did. Then, he cheated on me. I think it mostly had to do with his feelings of revenge although he says its multiple reasons. In any case, even if he were to cheat on me again, I wouldn't. And I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual. It doesn't do any good for anyone in the long run. It could also become an ugly cycle in which one person wants to be the last one standing type ordeal. So, if she really loves him and wishes to be with him for awhile, and she's secure in their relationship, Id say no.

Stringer · Sep 11, 2009, 11:01 PM

I agree with the posters above but I would like to add that how you were brought up and what you believe is a factor also.

My father cheated on my mother, my first wife cheated on me several times.

Personally, I have always believed that cheating is fatal to any relationship and also undermines any moral character you may have. Once cheating takes place in a serious relationship or marriage the foundation is weakened and can never really be repaired. I have never cheated and I am really kind of proud of that. Not because opportunities have never presented themselves, they have many times over the years, and not because of any religious belief. I just belief that if you make a commitment to be true and honest with your mate you have to honor that commitment. Personally, I feel that "if you do not stand for something, you will fall for everything."

Do I think of myself as special, no. But I can tell you this, I sleep well and I feel that I have set a decent example for my son and daughter.

Stringer

britEl · Sep 11, 2009, 11:12 PM

It just depends on the type of person. Here's an example, (which I am ashamed of but here goes) I have been cheated on a couple times and I know that it hurts a lot because I had strong feelings for them. However after that I have (in the past) cheated on 3 of my past boyfriends, I think I did this because I knew the relationship was going no where or I was not happy in the relationship and it makes me realize now that the guys who cheated on me thought the same thing as what I thought, we were never going to go anywhere, these were not one of my most respectable times but its just an example on how someone would cheat even after they were cheated on.

Stringer · Sep 11, 2009, 11:22 PM

I don't want to sound judgmental at all but why not take the time to be sure that the relationship/marriage is really over. Make a decision, if it is over then end it, that seems sensible and clear to me. That takes strength; lust, revenge, etc are what we call it when we don't want to do the right thing or face up to what we know is the right thing to do.

Much too easy to just give into 'moment desires' when times are tough or not going well. To me it is an unjust thing, I have either given my word or I have taken a vow, this means something to me. Much to easy to just give in to desires regardless of whatever reasons we manufacture to 'fit' the moment.

Stringer

britEl · Sep 11, 2009, 11:24 PM

I suppose because I was a hormonal 16 year old girl with no thought put into serious commitment. I am however completely different 2 years later, as hypocritical as it may be I am completely against cheating.

Stringer · Sep 11, 2009, 11:27 PM

Originally Posted by britEl

I suppose because i was a hormonal 16 year old girl with no thought put into serious commitment.

Again, I was not trying to be your judge at all:). I just wanted to say how I feel about this and that this is something that is important or should be.

kctiger · Sep 12, 2009, 07:15 AM

This is an interesting question and I will chime in although admittedly it will echo a lot of the other answers.

Morality: I do not care what someone has done to me, I hold myself in a place of contempt regardless of that. If I do something bad, i.e. cheating, because someone else has done it to me, I would feel guilty. There comes a time in life when doing something wrong, regardless of the wrong that has been done to you, is purely not an option. We see it a lot in ethics classes as an excuse: "Well it was done to me so why shouldn't I do it."

I don't think of it as a psychological factor either, as it it damages you to the point you accept doing it as all right. That is BS. It comes down to taking responsibility for your actions and standing up for what YOU KNOW is right. No one deserves to be cheated on. If the relationship is that bad then you end it, but you don't cheat, period, at anything in life, especially when someone's heart is involved.

DerelictHerds · Sep 12, 2009, 07:43 AM

My ex girlfriend got cheated on by her boyfriend before me. Then they got back together, and he cheated again. We got in a relationship for a year and a half with no problems. She cheated on me twice.

talaniman · Sep 12, 2009, 08:05 AM

I think cheating is a selfish way to feel good for a moment, and not solve your own problems. It's the easy way out of tough situations, at home, and can destroy a relationship, that's already on rocky grounds.

Yes, people will cheat for a lot of reasons, and will do it again, until they solve their own personal issues, and find better ways to deal with their own problems. Whether they have been cheated on or not, if they don't have the guts to end one relationship, before scratching their itch with another, it goes to the character of the person, and their commitment to themselves, that is one of the underlying reasons people will cheat and lie, and justify their behavior with all kinds of excuses.

Temptation is great, and even greater when you feel bad, but don't know how to make yourself feel good, in positive ways, and handle your business at home with your partner.

Cheating is a choice you make, often impulsively, but many times with a conscious effort, to gratify self. That's why lying, and cheating go hand in hand.