[fishburn7]

Yeah I know the title's harsh and I don't actually feel that way about homosexuals, but this person isn't a good friend of mine so I can't exactly go talk to them or study their actions or sayings like I normally would.

So here it is,
- she's a friend of my girlfriend.
- she only really has 2 friends in her life, and I know both of them and hang out with all of them occasionally.
- she's odd around my girlfriend, she initiates hand holding occasionally, when they're walking she has to be touching her (not as in reaching out touching but walking so close they're rubbing together) if I walk in between them I get sandwitched out of the way or trampled so she can get over.
- she has my girlfriend do things for her that I feel would be awkward such as tucking in the tag on the back of bikini bottoms and fixing her bra and things like that
- she sits in my gf's lap, a lot, even when there's another chair right next to her.
- we went to the fireworks the other day and when they started she had to crawl up into my girlfriends lap and lean back on her to watch them, and the same goes for pictures.
- when walking back from the firworks there was a large crowd so she was holding onto the back of my gf's pants which is fine so she doesn't get lost, but when we got out of the crowd they started to go the opposite way of me so they stopped and yelled and when I turned around she was holding onto my girlfriend's arm like basically cuddling with it.


That's everything I can think of right now, if there's more I'll add it but tell me what you guys think?

Is she gay or is she just a small child?

[fishburn7]

Woah sorry I forgot a couple key aspects...

- this girl never acts like that with her other friend or anyone else
- and my girlfriend and her have kissed before, but I don't know any more of it than that,
- also she blurts out that she think's whoever's (celebreties and what not) good to look at when she's in a crowd just to let everyone know she looks at them I think
- and finally she's never even come close to kissing a guy and she's approaching 21

[Cat1864]

she has my girlfriend do things for her that I feel would be awkward such as tucking in the tag on the back of bikini bottoms and fixing her bra and things like that

That is so common between girl friends that I can't begin to count the number of times my friends and I have helped each other with our clothing, etc. I sometimes think that manufacturer's still haven't learned that most of us don't have maids to help us dress.

is she gay...?

Only she can answer that question. It really doesn't matter if she is or isn't. It isn't her sexual preference that seems to be bothering you but rather her relationship with your girlfriend.

is she just a small child?

The question you haven't asked is: why is your girlfriend allowing this behavior?

Have you tried talking to her to see if there might be some underlying issues that she knows about that you don't? Have you told her that it is bothering you?

I am back to the best advice I can think of: COMMUNICATE!

[letmetellu]

Just wondering but are you sure that you are not just a little bit jealous?

[Justwantfair]

What does her sexuality mean to you?
How does knowing help you?
Do you trust your girlfriend?

[fishburn7]

Yes I trust my girlfriend,
No it doesn't matter to me if she's gay or not
I don't know where that all came from

It is simply something I enjoy doing, figuring people out, I like to watch people and I like to know what makes them tick, or not tick, or tick to some other kind of rhythm lol... I'm simply interested that's all

[Justwantfair]

Determining someone's sexuality is not a pastime.
If she wants you to know she will tell you and if you aren't comfortable asking then you don't need to know.

[epawls]

Just make it known to your girlfriend that you are feeling this way and that it bothers you. If she looks astonished and acts as if you telling her that makes some sort of puzzle come together or if she acknowledges that this "friend" is a little too touchy/clingy, then there is something that can be done. If when you bring this to your girlfriends attention and there is any type of defensive response... be careful. If your girlfriend refuses to talk about it or gets nasty because you said something or call you ridiculous for saying such things... that is a huge red flag. Im not saying that your girlfriend may be cheating on you based on a negative response, just that a negative reaction to such a question is typically given when there is something to hide.

Approach your girlfriend... talk about it... that is the only way... just be careful and aware of your girlfriend's response.

[smoothy]

She does seem to be socially awkward... and clingy as well.

Now is she gay? Hard to say but she might be, her obvious social awkwardness and clingyness/ posessiveness might make it harder to guess.

[fishburn7]

Do you think there could be some kind of issues such as clingyness or possesiveness?

[Justwantfair]

Yours?
Or the Friends?

[Synnen]

If she didn't tell you that she's gay, and you didn't catch her in bed with another woman, there's absolutely no way whatsoever to know whether she's gay.

Get over it, and find something better to think about.

[Xrayman]

Frankly her sexuality is irrelevant,her behaviour is more of an issue.

I feel that you indeed have an issue with peoples sexuality, just watch your "people-watching" it could be misconstrued as Weird or creepy and maybe even a little invasive.

Your girl is allowing this behaviour, she has told you/you know she has kissed her before there is an element of bisexuality there between the two of them, however I think that some girls have a bisexual element but it is NOT actually bisexuality/lesbianism, as men would understand it to be. Women can be way more sensual/physical and emotional with each other than guys can be and this is more of an aspect of femininity than overt sexuality.

After saying all this, however, I am reading about a 7 on my Creep-O-Meter with this friend-I think you might be seeing her becoming a little stalker-like/possessive and jealous-I'd watch her, I also feel that your girl is maybe leading her on, or at the very least allowing this to go on while you feel awkward about it-Primarily you need to talk to your GF and make it known that you don't like it. But be very careful you could damage her relationship with this woman as well as your own relationship if she senses that you are too jealous-yourself.

Tread carefully.

NOTE: many of us here are of different sexual orientations and may find your opening line a little discriminitory-regardless of how you write it.

[fishburn7]

I once again apologize for my opening line, I understand it is insensitive.

I agree for the most part with xrayman, I am worried about this behavior more than the sexuality, the sexuality is just a small "oh that would explain everything" sort of moment for me. I'm not at all worried about my girl being bi or homosexual, not at all... I do understand women are a little strange according to us men about our friendships, cute and huggy and what not,

But what I'm starting to believe is this friend may be stuck at a mental age of someone much younger than we are? And before you jump on me for that, I want to say it's because of how young girls are? When camping they sleep in the same sleeping bag, they share everything, I see young girls being really really really close with their good friends and maybe she has not grown out of it yet? Or realizes it's gone and wants it back?

I really don't know to tell you the truth, but the behavior interests me and I will be watching her

[britEl]

If they are really good girl friends then yes this is common, me and my best friends are really like this, not the that extent but we are close. Although your gf's friend does seem to go a little bit over board with it, I don't think it is or should be a big deal. Let your girlfriend know about what's bugging you so she can clear things up for you. Why would it matter if she kissed another girl before, out of probable curiosity, we are curious humans. **I kissed a girl and I liked it, I hope my boyfriend don't mind itt** haha!

[kandle30]

Dude coming from A very attractive Gay Dude Who is use to getting what he wants. You are completely delusional. Your subconscious is ringing "this girl is and my girl are chilling together" Listen to it. I know you care about her and your main concern is not being made a fool of. However you camouflage it with "wanting to be in the know" don't wait for someone to confirm the obvious. While your doing that they obviously believe your comfortable with being puzzled. " don't ask don't tell" Another question, they do everything else in front of you. Where were you when they were kissing? Im will make it clear to you know one knows your girl friend better than you the power lies in are you confident enough to believe you can make an intelligent decision based on what you know about your girl friend. * girls ask me from time to time.. "Do you think my Man is Gay" If you have to ask you already know.

[ohsohappy]

You know, I have to tell you, I'm not even the slightest bit gay, but I'm still affectionate with my friends. She probably doesn't do that with her other friends because they are not comfortable with it.

I for one, live cuddling up with one of my "girlfriends" and watching sappy movies and eating ice cream. I don't have any problem holding hands with my best friends, even in public. Heck, I sometimes kiss them on the cheek when I greet them or say goodbye. Girls do weird things all the time, like compare boobs or comment on eah other's figures and stuff like that.

Some girls are like that, others are not. It doesn't mean that they're necessarily gay. I for one just like being close and comfortable with my friends, it's a security thing, and it's a way of bonding.
Although, I think maybe she's coming on too strong.. .

P.S. I have a boyfriend whom I love very much.

[Art of Closing]

She could be just very shy or insecure - perhaps even to the point of neurosis...

Also, the answer to your questions turns on your definition of gay... Do you mean "has an aversion to males", "prefers the (social) company of females:, or "wants to have sex with another female" (among many other possibilities).

I don't think you have provided enough information for an informed opinion.

[Cat1864]

Since fishburn hasn't been keeping up with this thread in over two months, I doubt any more information is coming.

Until he does choose to continue this thread, any more advice given is moot because circumstances have probably changed since it was started.

Please allow this thread to fade down the list so that more current threads aren't getting buried.

[excon]

do I have a gay on my hands?

Hello fish:

No more than we have a homophobe on ours.

excon