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marisa_franklin · Oct 27, 2006, 11:10 AM

I have a son that is totally confused in life and he shows this by fighting in school. I just broke of an abusive relationship with his father which I tried to make work for years, cause he does not want to work and he abused us mentally and physically. I am sorry for my son cause I know what it is like to be without a father. I don't want His father to partake in his life cause I don't want him to know where I live. He has threatened to kill me so I prefer to stay away from him. Kyle asks to see his father but I can't allow him to. I feel so bad and sad for my son, I don't know what to do. My mom says to stay away from him, there has been a lot of domestic deaths in my country and I am afraid to be one of them. Am I being a good mom? I wanted to be a nice happy family but it just didn't work out. I sometimes cry thinking that I have failed my son. His father want to see him also but I think it is just to get close to me. His father still has to grow up and understand life. What should I do?

princessluvv · Oct 27, 2006, 01:02 PM

I suggest you still keep your son with you until he is old enough to take good care of himself, and to be able to decide the right action and set to take, as for the father, don't move closer to him if your mind is not through with him.

Just make sure you take good care of your son.

mrshull2002 · Oct 27, 2006, 01:23 PM

I had the same situation growing up. I was 3 when my parents divorced. My dad was physically and mentally abusive to my mom and 1/2 brothers and sisters and he burned our house down with me in it when I was 5. She left Ohio and moved to VA. I was very mad at her for years. When I was older, I got reaquainted with my father and he scared me to death! He bit my 4 year old daughter, terrorized my 5 month old son, and I left first chance and I never saw him again. He died later that year. Now from talking to my aunt I realize my dad had been sick ever since he came back from the Marines and the Bay of Pigs/ Vietnam. At 34 years old I am glad my mother thought about us and left him, we all would have been dead. You have to make decisions for your children sometimes that hurt. It isn't your fault nor is it your son's fault. My mother (believe it or not) wanted to stay with my dad! She knew if she did he would kill us all. So she acted like a real mother and took us out of harms way. Try counseling. Whatever you do, don't jump into another relationship for a while though. Your son needs YOU, all of you. Another relationship will take precious time away from him right now.

princessluvv · Oct 28, 2006, 02:55 AM

Hello, I suppose your father is not a human person but (a mentally illed person) as at the time he was misbehaving, and you would have seek the advise of medical practitional.
For him to go to the extent of biting his grandchild, that shows how mentally sick he is.
Had it been he is not dead yet, I would have advised that he should be taken to a psychiatric hospital for medical treatment. I know he would not like misbehaving if he had happen to be a normal human being. :) :cool:

s_cianci · Oct 28, 2006, 09:39 AM

As a mother it's your job to protect your son. If that means keeping him away from an abusive father, so be it. An abusive father is no good to a son, even if the father is only abusing the mother and not the son per se. Merely exposing the son to it is bad enough. You're wise to continue to keep your whereabouts unknown to your ex. Try to calmly explain to your son that you need to stay away from his father for your own protection and that he cannot see his father until his father gets the help that he needs, which will entail long and intensive psychiatric therapy. Make your son realize that he is potentially in danger as well, even if his father hasn't directly abused him yet. Given his overall history of abuse, it's only a matter of time.

J_9 · Oct 28, 2006, 09:52 AM

I totally agree with s_cianci's answer here. But you have other factors in your life that may be causing the upheaval that you are experiencing with your son.

How about your relationship to the married man that you mentioned in your other thread? This relationship may be adding fuel to the fire. You need to be a good role model to your son, and being involved with a married man is not considered a good role model.

Your son needs your attention right now, and from reading your other posts, he may be lacking that.

When children want attention they will do whatever they can to get it. It doesn't matter if they are being good to get attention or acting out to get attention. They will do anything. If he is getting in trouble he knows he is at least getting some sort of attention, good or bad it is still attention.

So maybe you need to stop focusing on this married man and focus on your son.

valinors_sorrow · Oct 28, 2006, 10:34 AM

And this married feller you've been seeing doesn't mind all this drama?
And your mother, what does she have to say about you seeing a married man?

I think something is not adding up here... :rolleyes:
What country is this with "so many domestic deaths" please?

Lots of threads all going nowhere Marisa, hmmm.

talaniman · Oct 28, 2006, 02:24 PM

You, and everyone around you, have a problem only a professional can help you with.

marisa_franklin · Oct 30, 2006, 07:57 AM

I am trying to protect my son, but he keeps insisting and hating me for not allowing him to see his father. When he is depressed or sad about something he cries for his father. I don't know what to do I am so confused. I buy him anything he wants I love him and show it but it seems that this isn't working. If his father was a reasonable person, I would allow him to get Kyle on occasions but he sends/calls threats for me and it is impossible to reason with him. He wants us back in his life. I make reports to the police but all is in vain so I refrain from going anywhere. He says if he finds me with another man he'll kill me. What should I do?
P>S My son does not know about my friend because I don't want him to get attached. My mom does not get involved in my personal life, she justs takes care of my son in terms of school in the week I take him on the weekends. I am not in a relationship just a friendship.

valinors_sorrow · Oct 30, 2006, 11:17 AM

I am sorry you didn't understand my point on Post #7. I wish you well Marisa and bear in mind, it only works when the right problem hooks up with right solution. "Yeah butting" is a way to stall and adding too much is a way to justify giving up-- and your threads all added up here speak to some of this too. Perhaps you best make a list of priorities and tackle these one problem at a time.

Jen8446 · Nov 1, 2006, 06:13 PM

Originally Posted by marisa_franklin

I have a son that is totally confused in life and he shows this by fighting in school. I just broke of an abusive relationship with his father which I tried to make work for years, cause he does not want to work and he abused us mentally and physically. I am sorry for my son cause I know what it is like to be without a father. I don't want His father to partake in his life cause I don't want him to know where I live. He has threatened to kill me so I prefer to stay away from him. Kyle asks to see his father but I can't allow him to. I feel so bad and sad for my son, I don't know what to do. My mom says to stay away from him, there has been a lot of domestic deaths in my country and I am afraid to be one of them. Am I being a good mom? I wanted to be a nice happy family but it just didn't work out. I sometimes cry thinking that I have failed my son. His father want to see him also but I think it is just to get close to me. His father still has to grow up and understand life. What should I do?

It's your job as a mother to keep your son safe. He might not understand right now why he can't see his father, but when he's older he will. If he still wants to see him then, he'll be old enough to take care of himself, and see why you kept him away all those years. You're definitely doing the right thing. You're not failing your son, you're keeping him safe.

dbek · Nov 17, 2006, 09:30 PM

Originally Posted by marisa_franklin

I have a son that is totally confused in life and he shows this by fighting in school. I just broke of an abusive relationship with his father which I tried to make work for years, cause he does not want to work and he abused us mentally and physically. I am sorry for my son cause I know what it is like to be without a father. I don't want His father to partake in his life cause I don't want him to know where I live. He has threatened to kill me so I prefer to stay away from him. Kyle asks to see his father but I can't allow him to. I feel so bad and sad for my son, I don't know what to do. My mom says to stay away from him, there has been a lot of domestic deaths in my country and I am afraid to be one of them. Am I being a good mom? I wanted to be a nice happy family but it just didn't work out. I sometimes cry thinking that I have failed my son. His father want to see him also but I think it is just to get close to me. His father still has to grow up and understand life. What should I do?

Your first responsibility is keeping your child safe. So if that means keeping him from him until he gets his act together than that's what you have to do. If he is threatening you and your son you might have to think about a restraining order. But what I've been told that lets him know where you are.