Check out some similar questions!

itsamor · Oct 5, 2009, 02:05 AM

Pop the glock

redhed35 · Oct 5, 2009, 03:08 AM

By keeping in contact,even if it is her doing all the calling,your not going forward.

And by the way,how do you think her current boyfriend would react if he found out she was still in contact with you?

You miss her.. you miss the way you were together,but as much as it hurts,its down to you now... how long are you going to keep torturing yourself with what if's?

Its over... and perhaps you need to remind her of that,considering she is the one who wanted her freedom... she may be calling you,but she is he his arms and telling him the things she said to you,they are making plans and being a couple... does that hurt? Damn straight it does,so what are you going to do about it?

Keep being her wing man,her just in case this one does not work out?

Or are you going to pick up your life,and move on!

qerp32 · Oct 5, 2009, 04:21 AM

You really should listen to all the other people in here and start no contact already, before you completely lose any respect you ever had for yourself, as well as any respect she ever had for you. Let me tell you what happened with my ex when we broke up.

I did the whole clingy thing for a couple of days and then came on here and started reading about other peoples problems. I noticed a pattern between every single breakup topic: The ex didn't come back. I also noticed another pattern from all the 3-month-plus length topics (the ones who actually did no-contact and then came back here): The dumpee realised the breakup wasn't necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it often lead to better things, and a lot of self-improvement - lifechanging in some cases.

It was no-contact from then on for me. She texted me a couple of times but I ignored them. It made me feel great about myself - I was ignoring her when she was the one who broke up with me! You say you want her to feel guilt. Believe me, she'll be feeling emotions that are far worse than a bit of guilt if you go no contact. She says she doesn't miss you much but she will do, she'll do her best to hide any emotions she has. It would be impossible not to miss someone who she's been with for that amount of time, even if she's now with someone else. Note that this doesn't mean she will come back - you don't care if she doesn't come back, remember? You're the one in control now! You're leaving her to deal with her emotions on her own.

After exactly a month of no-contact I caught my ex trying to hack into my email account, probably wondering what the hell I was up to. This certainly gave me and my friends a few laughs and gave me even more of an ego boost - to think I was the one who was dumped! Exactly a week after this I found out she had just got into a relationship with a 28-year-old arab who lives in Dubai, and he had travelled across the whole of Europe to see her (both of us are 20 by the way). I can only gloat over her ridiculous, blatant rebound situation. Her life isn't exactly going according to plan either - she still has no idea what she wants in life and is currently on the path to something she doesn't want to do.

See what I did there? I'm ranting to make myself feel better. I did this a lot in the early-stages of no-contact, it's a great temporary pain killer.

Now onto more important things: Me. Since then I have been working on myself - I've started exercising, building muscle, and eating healthily for the first time in my life. I've lost 20 pounds so far. This is going to be life-changing for me, and it would never have happened without the breakup, without a doubt. I've also improved myself mentally - I feel stronger and more confident than ever. I'm loving my new job, and have lots of things to look forward to at the moment. Life is good.

I hope this post is convincing enough. You need to trust everyone here and take their advice. Trust me when I say it gets better. You're stuck in a loop and the only way out is no contact. There is no other way - get out of this endless cycle now!

Remember: There is always something to look forward to in life, you just need to be patient.

bjohnrupp · Oct 5, 2009, 04:32 PM

Originally Posted by redhed35

by keeping in contact,even if it is her doing all the calling,your not going forward.

and by the way,how do you think her current boyfriend would react if he found out she was still in contact with you?

you miss her..you miss the way you were together,but as much as it hurts,its down to you now...how long are you going to keep torturing yourself with what if's?

its over...and perhaps you need to remind her of that,considering she is the one who wanted her freedom...she may be calling you,but she is he his arms and telling him the things she said to you,they are making plans and being a couple....does that hurt? damn straight it does,so what are you going to do about it?

keep being her wing man,her just in case this one does not work out?

or are you going to pick up your life,and move on!

Well I don't know if she has a boyfriend or not- she told me she's "seeing different people because shes too young for anything serious so she just wants to be single". One time after she dumped me I asked her if she could see us getting back together down the road and she said " Honestly I dont think so..I'm going to be single for a while."

I don't want to be her wing man or anything... its just that I was real close with her parents and knew all her parents friends and her friends and I like catching up on how everyone/everything is going by her. I guess I really shouldn't care anymore since likely I'll never see any of them again. I mean 1/2 the week I lived in her parents house with her so its so hard to let go completely. She also has had a lot of surgeries from a near death car accident and I like hearing that she's OK after surgeries that she has.

bjohnrupp · Oct 10, 2009, 06:10 PM

OK so she just texted me tonight for the 1st time in almost 2 weeks... it was so hard but I never responded. I know everyone here said not to but I feel like if I don't then we can never even just be friends and catch up on everything that's going on in our lives. Then down the road when I'm over her if I text her she probably won't respond.

bjohnrupp · Oct 25, 2009, 12:48 PM

I took everyone's advice and for almost 4 weeks now have gone NC. She will periodically text me with something very simple like hey or hey how are you? But I never respond. I don't ever look at any of her social networking sights because when I did they caused too much pain hearing how happy she was when I've been so miserable.

I tried going on dates and all I think about is her and wished I was with her instead of my date. I cut the dates short and give them a hug goodbye and never talk to them again. I compare everyone to her and don't think anyone compares to her beauty/style/personality.

Last night when I went out with my friend there wasn't one girl in the entire lounge I wanted to even talk to. It seems like if there is a decent looking one they're real y.

Weekends I always get more depressed since this is when I was always with her. Its been 2 1/2 months and I am still always thinking of her. I try to sleep but always wake up in the middle of the night and can't fall back asleep thinking of different things that happened throughout the relationship and wondering if certain times she may have been cheating.

No contact and going out isn't helping me it seems. I always have setbacks when she texts me because even though I don't respond it makes me think of her more. I don't know what to do.

s2tp · Oct 25, 2009, 01:05 PM

Just keep doing what you are doing. It will take time for the pain to go away, but it will and eventually you will find yourself thinking of her less and less. There is no time set that will end it all- you just have to keep going forward and doing whatever you can to be happy and let her go. You have bigger and better things ahead of you and just work on becoming a better person from this experience.

Try not to dwell on the happy times or the sad times with her, as that will just keep cycling through your mind and keeping her strong in your thoughts. When you start thinking of her try to divert your thinking to something else, like remembering an old joke or a memory with someone else... eventually you should find it easier to go on with your life and find a new love.

Best Wishes

emopunk7 · Oct 25, 2009, 02:18 PM

How did you know she cheated or what makes you think that? Also, change your phone number. That should help.

amicon · Oct 25, 2009, 02:27 PM

If she still texts you on occasion and it sets you back consider changing your phonenumber. It s does help.

talaniman · Oct 25, 2009, 03:35 PM

Don't quit because its harder than you thought, and so what you had a few setbacks, keep it moving forward, one day at a time. Its only been a month. Go for two.

bjohnrupp · Oct 25, 2009, 03:59 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Don't quit because its harder than you thought, and so what you had a few setbacks, keep it moving forward, one day at a time. Its only been a month. go for two.

But why is she still texting me when I just ignore her? She never gave any signs that she wants me back. I don't know if she's seeing anyone since I no longer talk to her and don't read her social networking sights anymore.

bjohnrupp · Oct 25, 2009, 04:10 PM

Originally Posted by emopunk7

How did you know she cheated or what makes you think that? Also, change your phone number. That should help.

What makes me think she may have cheated... well 1) She told me when we 1st started dating that she cheated on every boyfriend she ever had...

2) 1 1/2 months before she dumped me she was passed out in her room from being drunk and so I looked at her cell phone and I saw like 70-80 texts back and forth to this guy. I only read like 7 or 8 of them because it hurt so bad knowing she was texting some other guy. This was right after we got back from an incredible cruise that I treated her to.

Anyway he was texting her saying things like "oh I could satisfy you better than your opie fiance" and basically making it like he could please her and stuff- nothing graphic but none the less disrespecting me... she would reply every time with "hahaha" and then I saw this one message where he sort of mentioned him and her being together and she replied "as long as you know we are just "friends"". I could have read all of them to really try to figure out if she was cheating but I couldnt read anymore- it just hurt so bad.

I woke her up and pulled the engagement ring off her finger and accused her of cheating and told her it was over. She kinda just layed in bed with a blank stare and never really denied it- just said "yea OK I was cheating" sarcastically. So I left the house and acted as if I was driving the 1 1/2 hours back to my house. She kept calling over and over crying and screaming- leaving me voicemails over and over again saying how she'll walk 50 miles just to talk to me/please come back to her house/and begging me to call her/saying how she hopes i have a great life and to find what im looking for and saying how she'll miss me and how she can't live without me.

I really only drove down the street and we made up that night. She told me he was from a state far away- I noticed he had a different area code but never checked to see if he really lived where she said he did. I called him and made her call him and left messages never to contact her again. She said she was texting him because "she liked the attention". So I don't know if she was cheating on me with him- 3 weeks before this incident she was being real mean and asked to go on break but later recinded- so who knows if he had something to do with her asking for the break.

. The day after all that drama she told me she'd do anything to earn my trust back and I told her to delete every guy from her cell phone and every guy from her social networking sights. She did this in front of me. Also-for the rest of that month she would go out a lot less when I wasn't with her.

There was other incidents also-- a few weeks after she dumped me I saw on her twitter that she was hanging out with some guy. He turned out to be her ex- boyfriend from hs. So I figured out later what days she was with him. A few weeks later is when she dumped me.

rockie100 · Oct 25, 2009, 04:11 PM

You are showing some strenths she hasn't seen before. She could be making some assumption that you have been keeping tabs on her through social nets. Or she just wants to keep you on a string. Any or all of these could be the case. Keep up the good work.

bjohnrupp · Oct 25, 2009, 04:17 PM

Originally Posted by rockie100

You are showing some strenths she hasnt seen before. She could be making some assumption that you have been keeping tabs on her through social nets. Or she just wants to keep you on a string. Any or all of these could be the case. Keep up the good work.

Now she knows I don't check her social nets. Because it shows my last login date was a month ago... whats the point of keeping me on a string? Is it she still feels guilt from dumping me when I did nothing wrong or does she miss me in some small way? When I picked up the ring a while back and asked if she misses me she said "not really..a little"

talaniman · Oct 25, 2009, 04:21 PM

She had her chance, and she blew it. Doesn't matter what she feels.

Maybe she was giving you a chance to beg her back, or maybe she is afraid you'll forget her. Stay on your path, and be more patient.

rockie100 · Oct 25, 2009, 04:26 PM

She is a young, confused girl. She might have noticed, by now, that you gave her love and support that she hasn't found with these other guys. It's the price she had to pay for cheating.

bjohnrupp · Oct 25, 2009, 04:26 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

She had her chance, and she blew it. Doesn't matter what she feels.

Maybe she was giving you a chance to beg her back, or maybe she is afraid you'll forget her. Stay on your path, and be more patient.

Thanks Tal... I know it doesn't matter anymore but based on the story I just wrote about how she could have been cheating on me with that guy she was texting- do you think from her actions after I saw the texts that she was cheating?

bjohnrupp · Oct 25, 2009, 04:30 PM

Originally Posted by rockie100

She is a young, confused girl. She might have noticed, by now, that you gave her love and support that she hasnt found with these other guys. Its the price she had to pay for cheating.

Thanks Rockie... I know she was confused on if she wanted me or not because a week before she dumped me I overheard her talking to someone (without her knowing) She said she loves me but "how do you ever know if someones right for you". That tells me that she loved me but didn't know if there was others out there that she could possibly end up loving more.

rockie100 · Oct 25, 2009, 04:40 PM

You see she was trying to keep her options open. These options didn't include staying with you. In time you will see that parting was for the best. You, in time, will find a partner that wouldn't think of cheating on you. Wouldn't that be your ideal? As you have heard from others, stop wondering about her intentions or why this has happened. Just try to do things that make you happy.

bjohnrupp · Oct 25, 2009, 04:48 PM

Originally Posted by rockie100

You see she was trying to keep her options open. These options didnt include staying with you. In time you will see that parting was for the best. You, in time, will find a partner that wouldnt think of cheating on you. Wouldnt that be your ideal? As you have heard from others, stop wondering about her intentions or why this has happened. Just try to do things that make you happy.

What does the expression mean "keeping you on a string?"... also what do you think of my story in post #60 from this thread?