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bjohnrupp · Sep 1, 2009, 01:46 PM

Originally Posted by amicon

now is when you need to think about you.go NC-NO CONTACT and dont react to the drama.read the stickies-its all in there.

That's what I was doing- nocontact- I wasn't going to contact her but then she contacted me. She told me I could call once in a while but I haven't called in the 3-4 weeks we've been broken up

talaniman · Sep 1, 2009, 02:36 PM

You aren't the first guy who was so worried about a freakin' relationship, that you totally blow off what she has been going through. Your not paying attention to someone your supposed to care about, so you miss the whole boat, and act needy, and insecure instead.

My reason for you to just back off, and leave her alone, was because I don't think your ready at all to what she needs, (I was right) and get beyond yourself, and your own needs.

Throw the text phone away, and call and see, where her feelings are after finding out her life was changed forever by meeting her real family, and can you support her in some way. Sometimes listening, and paying attention, is all you have to do to let someone vent, and find some emotional stability within themselves.

At least reaching out will tell you if she can tolerate your one track thinking, or if you need to get real with NC, and move on.

I can't help but feel your actions are pushing her away, and proving to her, you ain't the one.

Your not even a good text buddy, let alone real friend.

bjohnrupp · Sep 1, 2009, 04:21 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

You aren't the first guy who was so worried about a freakin' relationship, that you totally blow off what she has been going thru. Your not paying attention to someone your supposed to care about, so you miss the whole boat, and act needy, and insecure instead.

My reason for you to just back off, and leave her alone, was because I don't think your ready at all to what she needs, (I was right) and get beyond yourself, and your own needs.

Throw the text phone away, and call and see, where her feelings are after finding out her life was changed forever by meeting her real family, and can you support her in some way. Sometimes listening, and paying attention, is all you have to do to let someone vent, and find some emotional stability within themselves.

At least reaching out will tell you if she can tolerate your one track thinking, or if you need to get real with NC, and move on.

I can't help but feel your actions are pushing her away, and proving to her, you ain't the one.

Your not even a good text buddy, let alone real friend.

I don't know how my actions are pushing her away when I haven't called her once in the 1 month that we've been either on break or broken up. We did get into an argument the other day because I think she may be seeing someone and I wanted her to admit to me that she was cheating but she kept denying it. I had no concrete proof so I just told agreed with her and told her I guess she didn't. Should I text her back when she texts me? She told me I can call once in a while-should I?

talaniman · Sep 1, 2009, 04:32 PM

Throw the text phone away, and call and see, where her feelings are after finding out her life was changed forever by meeting her real family, and can you support her in some way. Sometimes listening, and paying attention, is all you have to do to let someone vent, and find some emotional stability within themselves.
Don't you know how to let a female vent? Its listening without trying to fix things.

bjohnrupp · Sep 1, 2009, 04:37 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Throw the text phone away, and call and see, where her feelings are after finding out her life was changed forever by meeting her real family, and can you support her in some way. Sometimes listening, and paying attention, is all you have to do to let someone vent, and find some emotional stability within themselves.
Don't you know how to let a female vent?? Its listening without trying to fix things.

That's what I was going to do... she texted me today out of the blue and so I texted her back and a little later texted her with "do you have a few minutes to talk" and she never responded. So I'm assuming she's just throwing me bones but doesn't really want to talk because she maybe doesn't want me to get my hopes up

talaniman · Sep 1, 2009, 04:50 PM

Then its time to let it go my friend. Ignore the texts, and everything else, and get your head wrapped around a life without her.

bjohnrupp · Sep 1, 2009, 04:55 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Then its time to let it go my friend. Ignore the texts, and everything else, and get your head wrapped around a life without her.

That's what I think I may have to do- even though- I must admit- its going to be so hard to ignore them... I don't know why she's even peiodically sending me these texts... I already lost her but I want her back so bad- if I ignore her than we can't even be friends and I will have no chance of ever getting back with her because she'll be pissed

talaniman · Sep 1, 2009, 05:09 PM

So what? It can't be any worse than what your going through now.

bjohnrupp · Sep 1, 2009, 05:20 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

So what?? It can't be any worse than what your going thru now.

Should I send an email for closure or should I just let her go and don't even try to be friends with her because I love spending time with her and I don't want to lose her altogether

amicon · Sep 1, 2009, 11:35 PM

You don't have to tell her anything.Just stop all communication.Thats what NC is about.I broke up with my partner about two months ago-mainly because he was too immature to handle an adult relationship. I then rang him a day or so later -he shouted at me and put the phone down on me.Idecided there and then no more drama and I know I do NOT want to speak to him ever again.
So you ve got to start healing and that takes time. Any contact with your ex prolongs your agony.believe this.

talaniman · Sep 2, 2009, 06:35 AM

Originally Posted by amicon

You don't have to tell her anything.Just stop all communication.Thats what NC is about............So you ve got to start healing and that takes time. any contact with your ex prolongs your agony.believe this.

Disappear from her life, get your closure by accepting you need to move beyond her in life.

overayear · Sep 2, 2009, 03:38 PM

Right now and you are not going to get any answers from her. In fact you might not ever get answers (closure) so its best to just leave it alone. Remember she wanted the space, so your best move, for yourself and for her is to do exactly that. Don't worry about the texts or the calls or what she is thinking etc... Just give her the time she asked for. In the mean time start doing things that make you happy. In time it will not matter if she wants to be with you or not. What a great feeling.

bjohnrupp · Sep 2, 2009, 06:54 PM

Originally Posted by overayear

Right now and you are not going to get any answers from her. In fact you might not ever get answers (clouser) so its best to just leave it alone. Remember she wanted the space, so your best move, for your self and for her is to do exactly that. Dont worry about the texts or the calls or what she is thinking etc... Just give her the time she asked for. In the mean time start doing things that make you happy. In time it will not matter if she wants to be with you or not. What a great feeling.

Thanks overayear, the other day we got into a text message war and even fought on the phone... I was telling her I think she cheated on me at the end and I wanted her to admit it and she kept denying she ever cheat on me and since I didn't have proof I let it go.so just ignore any of her texts? Don't send an email?

amicon · Sep 3, 2009, 06:33 AM

Do nothing.no texts- no email-no phonecalls.

overayear · Sep 3, 2009, 12:01 PM

I would not write her an email, and only RESPOND to text you want to respond to. If you don't know how to answer the text then don't. If you can handle it of course, If you are getting mixed singlas from her or texting her is giving you false hope or getting you confused then I would stop everything all together.

troy70 · Sep 3, 2009, 12:17 PM

Move on bro! Your 35, she's 22, and obviously giving you the run-around! Change your life up, do something different to help you meet some new people, some possibly your age and more mature!

Lifes a garden, DIG IT!

bjohnrupp · Sep 8, 2009, 04:11 PM

Originally Posted by overayear

I would not write her an email, and only RESPOND to text you want to respond to. If you dont know how to answer the text then dont. If you can handle it of course, If you are getting mixed singlas from her or texting her is giving you false hope or getting you confused then i would stop everything all together.

Today was real bad for me- another setback. Ever since I 1st woke up. I'm so used to waking up and seeing a bunch of texts from her and my day would start great. Now I wake up and nothing- and nothing all day and its so depressing. I use to get 100 texts a day and now nothing. The holiday weekend has passed and I heard from her on Sunday. I responded out of weakness. We sent texts back and forth. Nothing about our relationship. I took your advice because I'm able to handle hearing from her but it just makes me crave texting her all the time like we used to do. Then today I had a setback because she just got back from a weekend at the beach and she put 1 picture up- it was of her and another guy from a bar where she was at. It hurt bad seeing the pic because this was the 1st time I ever saw a pic of her with another guy since we met. Who knows if he's just some guy she met there but it hurt. I know I shouldn't look at her myspace but as long as she hasn't deleted me I'm just way too curious. She still has 100 pics of us up but I know that doesn't mean anything.

DerelictHerds · Sep 8, 2009, 05:00 PM

Originally Posted by bjohnrupp

Today was real bad for me- another setback. Ever since I 1st woke up. I'm so used to waking up and seeing a bunch of texts from her and my day would start off great. Now I wake up and nothing- and nothing all day and its so depressing. I use to get 100 texts a day and now nothing. The holiday weekend has passed and I heard from her on Sunday. I responded out of weakness. We sent texts back and forth. Nothing about our relationship. I took your advice because I'm able to handle hearing from her but it just makes me crave texting her all the time like we used to do. Then today I had a setback because she just got back from a weekend at the beach and she put 1 picture up- it was of her and another guy from a bar where she was at. It hurt bad seeing the pic because this was the 1st time I ever saw a pic of her with another guy since we met. Who knows if hes just some guy she met there but it hurt. I know I shouldnt look at her myspace but as long as she hasnt deleted me I'm just way too curious. She still has 100 pics of us up but I know that doesnt mean anything.

Delete, block, ignore, move on. Things are going to be hard getting used to, but the sooner you realize that nothing will change the mind of this person, the easier it'll be.

bjohnrupp · Sep 9, 2009, 12:55 PM

Threads merged

Its been 4 weeks since my fiancé dumped me and about 2 weeks ago I found out she was seeing someone else at the end of the relationship. It could have been the last few weeks or maybe even months- I don't know for sure. There's a lot of signs that point to her possibly cheating with other guys too but I have no concrete proof- more just speculation. She denies ever cheating on me even at the very end but if I had to guess I would say 99% she did with at least 1 guy but possibly 2 or 3. I have no proof but lots of clues when I think back. My question is should I call her out on it just so she knows I know what was going on? I am so angry at her I want to ruin her day and get her back in some way to let her know that she didn't get away with this. I know it doesn't matter anymore because the relationship is over but I want her to know that she may have played me but I found everything out. When I found out about the guy at the end and told her I knew she completely flipped out and was very angry and distraught. Would it be better to just leave this whole thing alone and never mention it to her?

I wish · Sep 9, 2009, 12:57 PM

Please keep all the questions on the same issue in the same thread so that we can follow the story.

Leave it alone. You need to recover from this breakup. Stop getting updates about her, as it will just confuse and upset you more. Focus on yourself and recovering from this experience. She's in the past, so leave her in the past. Focus on moving forward.