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Tot101 · Sep 1, 2009, 01:07 PM

My ex girlfriend dumped me abruptly as we were about to move forward with our relationship and went back to her ex. I pretty much started no contact right away and told her she could contact me someday if she got herself together. About two months later, she wrote me stating how sorry she is she did it like that and that she thinks of us every day, how great I am, take care of myself, et cetera. She's still with her ex to my knowledge. Anyone have experience responding to something like this?

snow124 · Sep 1, 2009, 01:22 PM

Don't.

talaniman · Sep 1, 2009, 02:41 PM

Talaniman Rule- Never, but never, get involved with someone who is still involved with an ex. Especially if they dumped you to be with them, again!!!

none12345 · Sep 1, 2009, 02:52 PM

Never break NC, she made a decision and she should live with it. Things can't always go her way. Its not fair to you.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 1, 2009, 02:56 PM

Don't respond. She was not asking to come back, she is still with this other person, there is no reason to respond.

Gemini54 · Sep 1, 2009, 10:37 PM

Ignore it. She's fishing. Don't take the bait.

kctiger · Sep 2, 2009, 05:28 AM

I have always felt if you had to ask you already know the answer. NO!

I wish · Sep 2, 2009, 06:31 AM

You don't need to put yourself through that drama again. She's clearly moved on with her life, it's time for you to move on with yours.

No contact also consists of ignoring her attempts at contacting you. It's not just you "not contacting" her. Check out the stickies to review the rules.

Imabadman · Sep 2, 2009, 06:54 AM

It would be my opinion that she's expressing these thoughts as a guilt release. She feels bad for being the douchbag she is... plain and simple.

Consider this my friend. She didn't just one day decide she was leaving you to go back to her EX... she was talking with him and planning this for months likely. Albeit without you knowing eh?

Do you respond to her? No. Hell NO… There's nothing to say. She walked out on you. That action alone spoke volumes as to what she thought about you and your relationship. Don't give her the satisfaction of letting her know it's all right to treat people that way. Let her marinate in her guilt maybe she'll learn a life lesson out of all this. Then again, who cares.

Tot101 · Sep 2, 2009, 09:05 AM

Yeah, all of you are right. I will continue on my way as I have been. Thank you. Very helpful.

amicon · Sep 2, 2009, 09:07 AM

Good luck!

Tot101 · Nov 23, 2009, 01:33 PM

Threads merged to update.

As most of the posts on here seem to be about the problems, I thought I would post something different. First off, I want to say that I found this site extremely helpful for me in learning the process of moving on from a relationship. Thank you to everyone who posts on here and to those who posted specifically to a query I had. I found it very helpful. Second I would like to echo what is said on here so well by so many others in that though no contact is at times extremely difficult, it is definitely rewarding in the long run. I myself had to fight the urge to contact my ex many times, and found that by going on here and reading some of these tales instead, it helped me stay the course. I also attribute it to finally reaching a point in my life where I recognised that I was tired of inflicting pain on myself, and that there are voices in our head that tell us to do things that are really not in our best interest. So though every fiber was screaming to talk to my ex, I ignored the immediate illusion of satisfaction with the belief that later on I would be happy that I did. And it was true. I refused to look at anything that might tie me back to her, and ignored her when she contacted me with a letter. It's been roughly five months. I found that sometime in the middle of month four I no longer had those same feelings for my ex, and felt pretty good being single. Then, as the tale always seems to be, I found someone new. No telling where that will go, but I'm happy thus far. Life has taught me that there is no such thing as a happy ending, just happy moments, so I do my best to go with that for now and see where it takes me. I'm even at the point where I'm grateful that my ex did what she did to me. And I should add that I would have been happy even had I not met this new person. So in the end, thank you again everyone, I've found this site invaluable. Hope that others find the same.

amicon · Nov 23, 2009, 01:49 PM

Thank you for the positive update! Wishing your new relationship turns out truly happy.

Devorameira · Nov 23, 2009, 03:42 PM

Sounds like you've really got it together. Lots of luck!

Gemini54 · Nov 23, 2009, 06:16 PM

Well done tot! Life is about learning from our expereinces - and we never stop. Sounds as if you have. Be happy and enjoy the moments.

Tot101 · Nov 24, 2009, 11:54 AM

Yes, thanks to all. The main reason I posted this was so that anyone in the thick of the pain of a breakup might be able to take some solace in a light at the end of the tunnel. I should also admit that when I first started no contact there was a part of me that was doing it in the hopes that she would come back to me, as I, like most everyone in that position, really believed we were meant for each other. But even with that misguided energy behind my actions, it ended up working for me, and I took the advice here to do things for myself and by myself, even when I didn't want to. Walking away from her was hard, perhaps one of the hardest things I've done, but I ended up happy alone, and know I can be happy alone in the future if I want or if that's how things go. So again, grateful for all the help on here.