[Bill-K]

The death of a lady I never knew seems to have brought me here, and I hope I will be able to thank her some day.

I have, for some years now, had an alcohol problem. I have considered it just a habit - NOT full alcoholism - but I'm not so sure, now. I need to drink EVERY night before I can sleep. When I wake up, I'm OK - although I guess I could feel better - I don't exactly spring out of bed the next morning!!

But I do NOT need to have a drink first thing, or at any time during the day - in fact, I really do NOT want a drink during the day. I don't get the shakes if I don't get a drink. I just CANNOT go to bed sober. I am admitting that this is a problem. It's a habit, I guess - but is it alcoholism yet ?

Even if there's no clear answer to that, I guess I'm really saying this, aren't I ? "I have an alcohol problem, and I am NOT in denial of that. I want to get out of the habit of drinking 7 nights a week, before I become fully alcoholic. I want to be able to drink socially at weekends, without having to TOTALLY abstain. I want to be able to do this BEFORE it is too late.

I have scanned through the forum listings and not found a thread for this particular problem, yet I'm sure it must affect many of us. I AM AWARE that constant drinking without detoxing can cause liver and/or kidney damage, and I AM AWARE that we often do not feel this damage being done until it is too late.

I NEED to get a handle on this, before it gets its' teeth into me any deeper. NOW is the time - BEFORE I become alcoholic....or am I already ?

I DON'T need anybody to tell me "Just stop drinking - it's as simple as that." It ain't - and anybody who thinks it is has probably never truly walked in the shoes of those they think they are helping.

What I DO need is...

... what ?

AM I an alcoholic, yet ?

[jmjoseph]

I know I'm an alcoholic/addict.

I'm clean, and 100% committed to my recovery and sobriety. I know a little something about this subject.

This is what a very wise man once told me: if you're asking yourself that question, you probably are. You said you needed TO drink to get to sleep, NOT you needed A drink. Yes, it sounds like alcohol is very important to your life.

This it what I want you to do, and it will help you figure out the answer to that question. Please go to an AA meeting, here is the link. They are free, anonymous, and worldwide, and I'm sure there is a meeting tonight near you. Please go, and come back and tell us what you think. AA is NOT just a bunch of lower class people, more times than not, there are more middle/upper class people ( strictly speaking on income,lifestyle). I wish you all the luck.

Alcoholics Anonymous :

[Bill-K]

Thank you, JMJ - and bless you, good sir. I hit the AA link and made myself read the introductory leaflet. I HATE the thought that I may have to consider myself an alcoholic already, but I realise I must face that - because I am not in control of it. I guess I just needed someone like you to push me that way.

I'm still kicking and screaming, and I don't like this one bit. But I remind myself that I gave up smoking a while ago, and I can lick this , too. Whilst I no longer have a strictly 'Biblical' belief in the Trinity, I have a belief in a Great Spirit and an after-life - and I guess this will help me.

LOL - I gave up smoking 10 years ago. I guess I'm going to give up booze pretty soon. Gimme some hope here - can I still keep sex in my list of vices ? :cool::D:D

[Gemini54]

I had to spread the rep JMJ, but I think that the distinction you draw is an important one. The difference between needing a drink and drinking to sleep.

I would suggest that you're not technically an alcoholic. A radio program I was listening to the other day talked about alcoholism being the compulsive need to drink in order to get plastered and the inability to control that desire.

So perhaps you're an insomniac, not an alcoholic and you're just using the wrong drug?

In any case, JMJ has made a great suggestion - go to AA and find out. You can go to a doctor and get some sleeping tablets if you find it difficult to sleep. At least you'll feel better when you wake up and you can have a couple of drinks at the weekend with impunity and without the worry that you're addicted to alcohol.

PS I believe that sex addiction is much harder to kick. LOL

[Bill-K]

Thanks Gemini. I can't give 'rep' yet as a newbie it seems, but I would be glad to when the time comes. Yeah, I agree that the difference 'twixt needing A drink and needing TO drink is pretty 'pivotal.'

Further to your radio program, I do NOT drink just to get plastered - but I do drink to get into some kind of mental state that allows me to relax - perchance to sleep!!

While we're in this vein of discussion, though, I went through a violent domestic episode a while back - which left me so desperate to be 'somewhere else' that I downed a load of sleepers and a load of neat booze - just to find an exit. I passed out on the kitchen floor - but the neat booze made me puke up the pills. The ambo arrived, and I got my night in hospital, but no stomach-pump!

My dear daughter begged me to stop drinking, and I promised her I would. I have broken that promise to her daily ever since. She tells me she loves me still - but she despises my drinking. I love her, too, of course - but only I can stop the drinking.

I would like to think it is just an insomnia problem, but I fear it is more than that. I tried taking Melatonin - a natural sleep-inducing drug - but I still needed the booze. When I try and self-analyze, there is an anger below all this, I feel. A feeling of an unfulfilled life. Mid-life crisis stuff, etc.

I reckon I got to check out AA as my first stop here - as both you and JMJ suggest. We take it from there, I guess.

Alcohol has a pretty negative effect on one's sexual performance, too. Believe me - I know thiiiiiis....:mad::o:rolleyes: - SO - as long I don't have to give that stuff up, too - then I have an incentive!! Nothing to lose - everything to gain. I just got to get my @$$ down to my local AA, and see what's what.

Thanks, guys!!

[jmjoseph]

Bill,

Alcoholics Anonymous has proven time, and time again, to be a very successful way to stop drinking. I too, had a VERY hard time admitting to being an alcoholic, we ALL do. But I did and it saved my marriage, my family, and my sanity. AA is the most successful program for alcoholism, in the world. It will truly change your life too.

I too quit smoking , and if you can do THAT, you can do anything. We don't like to call ourselves alcoholics, because we admit weakness, but if your life is unmanageable, I strongly suggest you giving AA a try. There's nothing wrong with being a little bit human. May GOD give you the strength to make a change.

Like we say at our meetings, " Let go and let GOD". Please let us know how it goes.

[epawls]

Hello Bill,

AA is probably going to be the best thing for you. A frequent saying in AA is, "If you are not sure that you are an alcoholic, stick around and find out." The biggest thing AA has done for me is made me realize that my drinking was, in fact, alcoholic drinking and that there are many people that are just like me. Many people share my story. It is 100% correct that if you are questioning your alcoholic status, you should probably asssume you have lost control with "responsible drinking' (whatever that means).
While it is easy to quit drinking-it is impossible to get drunk if you do not take the first drink-the hard part is to stay sober and live a sober life. Many people quit drinking and complete no maintainence on their lives. This is called so"dry"ety. When you go to a meeting ask someone the difference between being sober and being dry.
AA is such a wonderful program. Its principles can be aimed at any facet in your existence that need help. All you need to do is show up and keep going back. You will find miracles in those churches. I am, by no means, a religious person. I do have spirituality though. There is a huge difference.
The sleeping issue may prove to be a difficult hump to get over in the beginning. You may want to consult a physician about that. Be careful not to replace drinking with sleep medication though.
There are "Promises" in AA. One of these is that Alcoholics, through their own will, may have periods where they cease drinking. These lapses in drinking are always followed by a relapse. When someone relapses, their drinking worsens, as if they had never stopped drinking. This is known as the progression of alcoholism. I had worn a mustache for many years. It was red. One day, I decided to shave it off. I continued to shave for many years. Then, about 20 years later, I decided to grow it back in. Now, my mustache was gray... not red. Even though my mustache was, for all intents and purposes, not evident on my face, it was still aging. That is exactly how alcohol works. Even though you are not using alcohol... the disease still grows inside you. If you quit drinking (shave your mustache) and have a relapse and start drinking again (re-grow your mustache), your drinking will be as if you had never quit in the first place... making it worse now (red to gray mustache).
One piece of advice with the program though... do it at your own pace. People may try to persuade you to adhere to their interpretation of the AA program. Everyone's program is different. Just sit down and listen. There are so many different kinds of meetings. Go to as many as you can to see what fits. You need not even announce yourself as an alcoholic. You may just say your first name. The most important thing for you to do at this point is keep going back.

[Bill-K]

Thanks for your further help with this, guys. I followed JMJ's link to AA, and now have it bookmarked on my PC. I answered Yes to 4 out of the 12 questions about my drinking. I will be going back to the AA website, and will look into finding a local AA group.

As Epawls says, I should at the very least 'stick around and find out' if I am an alcoholic. I am beginning to think I am, and I'm realising that the disease is incurable - which distresses me somewhat. Like the ageing process in your moustache analogy, it's unstoppable. All I can do is learn to live with it - but that is surely going to be so much better than living with booze, ain't it ?

Yep, I've deffo got to do this before the disease progresses. I guess it will be easier to handle now, than it will be in a year's time - so now's the time to start. Thanks again, guys, and I will report back here. I promise. And that's a promise I make also to myself, my wife, my daughters, and to the good lady who brought me here.

[N0help4u]

Sounds to me like you have a sleep disorder and are using alcohol as your sleeping pills.
The same that you can get addicted to sleeping pills is the same that you can get addicted to alcohol.

You are becoming aware of it being a problem.
That is the first step

[Bill-K]

Thanks for that, NH4U. I hadn't looked at it that way. I have always thought "I can't sleep until I've had a drink - so my sleep disorder is caused by my drink habit." Whereas you're suggesting that the sleep disorder was there in the first place, and I turned to drink in order to sleep.

Having said that, I get no immediate pleasure from popping pills, but I do actually enjoy taking the drink. So, perhaps, even if I fixed the sleep disorder, I would still be left with the drink habit it caused. LOL - a 'Lose-Lose situation' I guess!! :(

But, as you say - just facing it as a problem is the first step. Analysing it what follows. Whichever came first, whether it be the chicken or the egg, I've got a 'poultry problem'!!

[Bill-K]

" Just don't end up being the ''This is your brain on....'' commercial "

Thanks for the agreement NH4U. It looks like you're in the US (Pennsylvania ?) - but I'm in the UK. so I'm not familiar with that commercial! :confused: :D

[N0help4u]

It was an old commercial
Your brain on drugs

Then it had a skillet with a fried egg.

(some of the alcoholics I know fit the description)

P.S.
I love your gorilla and the rose!

[friend4u178]

it was an old commercial
Your brain on drugs

Then it had a skillet with a fried egg.

(some of the alcoholics I know fit the description)

P.S.
I love your gorilla and the rose!

Bill had a few options NH and obviously chose to go with the Rose.

Good to see you finally got your privilages Bill :)

[Bill-K]

Yeah, I get the connection with the fried egg, now!! I sure got to get this licked before it gets to THAT stage!!

[Bill-K]

Oh - and thanks for the comment on the avatar, NH! Friend has seen the original, which was perhaps a little offensive (No rose - just a finger!! :D) We juggled with chopping his digit off (which upset the laydeez ! :eek:), or a 'suspiciously large' cigarette :cool:, or the rose. I went for the safest option - a much nicer gesture!! I could have got him to brandish a banana, perhaps, but that might have upset the laydeez even more!! :D

Yep, as promised, Friend I got my privileges! Perhaps I now ought to go back and give some posts some rep!

FWIW, I have 'come out' about my problem in my other regular forum site in the UK, and received encouragement for that. I may start a thread there charting my progress, and offering help where I can.

... and, hey!! Get that beer truck out of here!! It's tough enough, already! :D

[friend4u178]

LOL... Oops
Sorry 'bout the Beer Truck Bill :eek:

I think I'd get shot if I got rid of it though , most of the peeps rely on me turning up in times of need ;)

[Bill-K]

Yeah, I can identify with that. I think if I was in a bit of trouble, I'd hope that the beer truck arrived before the ambo. That's REAL 'first aid' - the hospital treatment can wait 'til later!!

And it IS a nice piece of text/artwork, I reckon, too.

[N0help4u]

Yeah bananas and cigarettes are offensive to the politically correct. I remember there was a rally a few years back and someone gave out bananas and people said it was offensive--go figure!

Friend that truck is a great reminder of recless and the pizza party... so NOPE no getting rid of it!
I wonder if recless will post back again??

***the beer truck arrived before the ambo. That's REAL 'first aid' - the hospital treatment can wait 'til later!!
Reminds me of the bar across the street from Allegheny General Hospital ----> The Recovery Room Bar and Grill.

[jmjoseph]

LOL..........Oops
Sorry 'bout the Beer Truck Bill :eek:

I think I'd get shot if I got rid of it though , most of the peeps rely on me turning up in times of need ;)

Hey, I'm in recovery, and the truck doesn't bother me one bit. My sobriety is not THAT delicate as to get antsy when I see your truck. It just reminds me how much $ I spent on booze, because I'm sure I bought several of those beer trucks over the years. And those A.B. horses too. When I quit drinking, they started getting skinny.

And the gorilla's digit doesn't offend me either. His facial expression says it all. But the bananas are a different story..? Some people!

Bill, I hope things become more clear to you. AA will help you with that.

My life now is going really well. It's "good morning GOD " instead of " good GOD, it's morning" now.

Oh well, got to go, See "ya'll" later.

[Bill-K]

It has been good to share a joke, as well as get serious with you guys. Let's face it, I KNOW I'm going to need a sense of humour here, now. I drive a taxi - on the night shifts - at weekends. A driving licence is a useful qualification, but a sense of humour is essential for the job!!

OK - drunks are funny looking from the outside in. I'm going to start looking from the inside out - and I am going to need to understand that humour!!

I'm sure clarity will come as time goes by, JMJ - but I sure do look forward to the day when I once again throw open the curtains, enjoy the sunny vista with unflinching eyes, and cry "Good Morning, GOD !!!"

... and MayfairLady. Thank you for your encouragement in an earlier post here - much appreciated.