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basketballlover · Aug 30, 2009, 07:19 PM

Hey, so I have a ,ajor problem. See this friend of mine has been cutting herself. She says its because she has bad moments and doesn't feel good about herself. I don't know what to do. I really care about her and want her to stop. She says she will try. She also told me that I am the first person to really care. I don't know what to do.

Fr_Chuck · Aug 30, 2009, 07:58 PM

This is a problem that her parents need to be made aware of. She needs professional help for her own protection

Alty · Aug 30, 2009, 08:00 PM

The best thing you can do is tell an adult you trust. You cannot be responsible for the health of your friend.

She needs serious help, more then you can possibly give her.

basketballlover · Aug 31, 2009, 06:04 AM

The thing is she told me she doesn't cut herself deep. Or with a knife. Just with needles and scissors. Is it still something I should worry about? I'm also afraid to betray her trust. She told me these things trusting that I wouldn't tell anyone.

J_9 · Aug 31, 2009, 06:25 AM

Needles or scissors now, knives and more later. Yes, someone needs to know. This is not normal, nor is it healthy. She could very well cut too deep by accident and bleed to death, or she could give herself an infection. You need to tell a trusted adult.

basketballlover · Aug 31, 2009, 11:44 AM

I'm just scared of betraying her trust. She's my best friend. And as much as I don't lose her I'm afraid if I tell someone she'll never talk to me again.

redhed35 · Aug 31, 2009, 11:50 AM

Your friend needs help.be her friend and get her help.
She may be mad with you but as she gets better she will realise you did the right thing.

rachelbunny · Aug 31, 2009, 01:07 PM

Hi, first of all you seem like a good friend and a descent enough person not to just ignore your friend's problem, well done.

I think that this is actually an increasingly common problem with young people, I've even done it myself a few years ago ( I suffer with depression). Although it did hurt so much I would never have done it again, lol, and I regret the scars.

It sounds horrible but is she wanting attention? Whatever her reason, she may not even know herself why she feels the need to do it, she needs to see her doctor about it. Is she taking care of the wounds properly afterwards? Hopefully she will grow out of it one day but I know a woman who is absolutely covered in deep, disfiguring scars!

Encourage her to see her doctor and let her know that she can trust you but you don't feel like you can help her as much as a professional could, and that it's not really fair to place the burden on you. Xx

basketballlover · Aug 31, 2009, 08:03 PM

She says she does it because it helps her get away from reality. I know she doesn't use knives yet but I'm still scared it will one day come to that. She thinks that no one cares. She has already told 2 people and they took it as a competition of problems (one cuts, the other is bulimic). I don't know her as the type of person to try to get attention. I don't know if she treats it properly after, she was anxious to talk about something else after her "confession". She feels all alone. I don't live in the same province as her anymore, so I can't really be there for her, as well as I wish I could. Who would be a good person to talk to?

rachelbunny · Sep 1, 2009, 03:50 AM

Neither of are experts in this matter, both of you need to talk to someone who is trained to deal with this. Try to find some leaflets or helplines that you both could use. There should be some helplines in the phone book or you could make an appointment with a nurse for advice.

Tell her that these other friends of hers are not what is best for her at the moment. Tell her that you care and lots of other people would care if they knew how she was feeling. It sounds as though she is trying to deal with something that's going on. What are her parents like? What does she think of them? I don't know your age but is there a teacher or someone you trust that you could confide in? Xx

basketballlover · Sep 1, 2009, 09:01 PM

I do know one site but how do I bring up something like "you need help". I tell her that I care about her a lot. I do. Her parents are pretty good from what I here. She is pretty close to her family. She is just having problems at school with her "friends". They are sort of my friends too but not really. They are bad influences in my opinion. One is bulimic and the other wants to commit suicide. But they are the only friends she has there. I'm still in high school. There was but she changed school. Should I myself talk to her parents? She sometimes feels she is worthless and has no self-esteem. I care about her a lot and I just wish I was there for her but the reality is that I'm not. I went through a depression too but I didn't turn to hurting myself. I don't know what to tell her. I tell her that she shouldn't be doing what she's doing and that she is my best friend and means the world to me but I don't know what is going through her head.

rachelbunny · Sep 2, 2009, 05:06 AM

You could get some leaflets and just give them to her, you sometimes have to be cruel to be kind, even if that risks your friendship with her. Be honest and blunt. I think that you should look on the internet for a helpline you can call yourself. I'm hoping that this will all just be a phase that she's going through and once she has left school things will get better. Its horrible being a teenager.

What about your parents? Could you confide in one of them? Maybe they mite let her come to stay with you one week or something, the change mite do her good.

It is an idea that you could tell her parents but I'm not sure. Just ring her up and say that you really need to talk to her about something and that you want her to really listen to you. Be very honest with her and tell her everything that's worrying you, tell her what you have said to me even. Tell her that its not fair on the people who do love and care about her that she doesn't even try to get some help. Tell her that you will always be there for her but it's hurting you too and that is selfish.

You really must talk to someone at her school, a nurse or even the head teacher, tell them about what her other 'friends' are doing too and that there clearly is a very serious problem there. You don't go there any more so it won't really affect you too much to interfere.

I'm going to ring a helpline here in the U.K. and try and get some advice for you because I'm worried and care about you.

rachelbunny · Sep 2, 2009, 05:08 AM

Are you on Facebook? You can find me in the U.K. in Nottingham, my name is Rachel Halliday. X

rachelbunny · Sep 2, 2009, 02:56 PM

OK, I've had a look online and there's loads of information and advice out there for both self harmers and their family and friends, have a look.

Tell her not to feel embarrassed or ashamed of her self harming and that she can be totally honest with you. Try asking her what was going on in her life when she first started to do this?

Maybe you should also tell her mum what's been going on and what her so called friends are really like. This will risk your friendship with her but in the long run it mite be best for her x

basketballlover · Sep 2, 2009, 04:17 PM

Thank you very much for the advice. I do have Facebook however there are 3 people with your name who live in nottingham and I don't know which is you. I will keep updates on her.

rachelbunny · Sep 2, 2009, 04:28 PM

You are very welcome, I wish you both the best of luck. I'm 26, blonde with red lipstick, lol. Take care x

basketballlover · Sep 27, 2009, 07:39 PM

Well she told her parents and they don't quite know what to do but thank you for your help.

rachelbunny · Sep 28, 2009, 03:31 AM

That's really good news, thanks for updating me. I hope everything turns out good for you both. Take care xx