[new123]

So I tried having sex with my g/f for the second time last night. First time I had an issue with the condom and going limp (we talked too long between foreplay and actual sex and apparently I need a magnum otherwise its too tight on me). Last night we tried to have sex again, it was very late at night and we were planning on going to sleep but we were both in the mood. After cuddling for a few hours we decided to have sex. The first few times I tried going in I kept hitting a wall (bone?) and I pulled out. We talked about it and tried to figure out what it was I was hitting, concluding it was her pelvic bone. We tried a few different positions and kept hitting the stupid thing. Eventually she started trying to figure out where it was I needed to go and I had her show me. After that I was finally able to get in all the way but neither of us felt anything. I tried moving around a bit and asked her to do the same but we still didn't feel anything. She said she thought I needed to be in a bit more and that I might be in the wrong place but I was in as for as I could go and after all the issues I had before trying to get in to begin with, I didn't think I was in the wrong place. Regardless I pulled out, we masturbated, and I went to sleep.

Now, I recently talked to a friend about this who said it has to do with rhythm, clenching (on her part), and hip movement. However, I'm still a bit confused at the fact that neither of us felt anything at all. I understand we probably should have found someway to stimulate her clitoris. At the time I was more concerned with actually making sure I was in the right place etc since it took a good hour or two of trying to actually get in. But even then I don't understand why I wasn't feeling anything either. Help?

[J_9]

How old are the both of you?

[new123]

Adults, I fail to see how that matters.

[Wondergirl]

adults, i fail to see how that matters.

If you're 12, your posts make total sense. If you're 32, you're missing out on information about how bodies are constructed and how they work.

Have you ever look at a book such as The Joy of Sex? Have you figured out how male and female body parts connect and engage and coordinate?

[jmjoseph]

adults, i fail to see how that matters.

An adult wouldn't take offense with that question. The experts, and most of us, would like to know the OP's age when giving advice, especially about sex. You just insulted a medical expert by being cocky. If you really want help, if this is a real problem, you should try to use manners. The help here is free, from people who take time out of their schedule to answer questions.

You say neither of you felt anything? I'm sure she felt something if your penis is as large as you're making it out to be.

[new123]

My apologies if I came across as cocky, that was not my intent, but apart from knowing I'm an adult I do not see why age matters. Since this seems to be a sticking point we are both in our early 20's.

With that said, I came here for help and would rather not be berated for asking for it.

@wondergirl

No, I have not read books such as "the joy of sex" or other "how to" books for sex. I tried doing some research on the internet when I realized we might be getting intimate in the near future but did not expect to have as many troubles as we did. I would like to think I have some understanding of how the male and female parts connect, engage, and coordinate, but I probably do not possess more than the bare minimum. Obviously I have gone through sex ed classes and the like where they go over human anatomy, but yes, my knowledge of sex as a whole is lacking. I was hoping it would be a "learn as you go" experience and did not expect I would need to do serious reading ahead of time.

@JM

I know I did not feel anything and she said that she wasn't either. I don't think she was lying to me.

[J_9]

Not to mention, but children frequently post in Adult Sexuality and this board is off limits for anyone under 18.

So... chill your jets.

[jmjoseph]

Get a larger condom as you may have cut the circulation off. Next time don't fully penetrate her if it causes her pain, or you are "bottoming out". Read the "Joy Of Sex", "The Sensuous Man", and any other books on sex and human sexuality you can find, like W-Girl suggested.

We all(most) have a hard time getting started, and things usually get better with time and times. Good luck to you two.

[shazamataz]

The first few times I tried going in I kept hitting a wall (bone?)

So you had trouble entering her?
Is she/was she a virgin?

It takes a while to get into a rhythm with your partner.
My first time was awful, it took quite a few "goes" before it was pleasurable because we had to get in sync with each others bodies.

[new123]

Definitely had trouble entering her and she is(was?) a virgin.

[artlady]

You were most likely hitting her cervix,which means you were approaching her from a poor angle.

Try putting a pillow under her buttocks next time and have her raise her hips and spread as much as she can without discomfort.

Be sure to be very lubricated.

You may need more lubrication than she is able to provide,so I would suggest KY jelly.

As has been suggested,practice makes perfect and if not perfect at least mutually enjoyable!

If you are not used to a condom ,you can feel some desensitization by it.

Try different positions.Female on top is good for her stimulation as she controls the action.

[Synnen]

Well, if you had that many problems just getting it IN--my guess is that any foreplay PRIOR to that was made null and void by that struggle.

Slow things down, turn on a light, and I'm betting things will work better.

[Gemini54]

Sex the first few times can be sort of awkward and there are often no bells and whistles. The good news is, it gets better.

One of the best things for easy penetration is lube - KY Jelly is a good start, but if nothing else is around you can use olive oil (preferably virgin - just joking).

Spend some time kissing, hugging and petting and when you want to get down to penetration, just do it a little at a time. Some gentle thrusting should get you both used to the rhythm and sensations before you try any of the other good stuff suggested.

Heaps of stuff on the net to read, but the best advice I can give is to 'practice' with each other.

[vairvane]

I agree with majority of the post, practice. When I lost my virginity, I didn't feel anything also. We had almost the same problems you had. We weren't sure on how to go upon rhythm, and positions, but finally we got it. It took practice and trying to get the rhythm right and just being open with each other.

After some hours in practice you will find it more enjoyable, learn how to get your rhythm and find out what feels good for you, but also find out what feels good for her.

Just be patient :)

[new123]

So we tried having sex again the other day after a bit of foreplay. When we decided we were ready I gave her the KY jelly and asked her to put it on. Following that she lied down with a pillow under her and spread herself (as artlady suggested). I then tried entering to no avail. She also tried positioning it herself and we still couldn't get it to go in. At one point I believe it was in but I couldn't move it further in, and it fell out immediately when we started moving. When I later asked she said it was "sort of in" but not as much as the last time we tried having sex. I thought that it might be she was not relaxed enough and went back to foreplay and tried fingering her. After having two fingers in for a few minutes we decided to try again and still wasn't able to enter.

Not too sure what to do except try again?

Again I had trouble entering her

[new123]

I should also add that at no time did she say she was in pain or looked like she was in pain.

Also, is there an edit button on this site?

[Cat1864]

Also, is there an edit button on this site?

Yes, you almost have enough posts for the edit button to appear.

Back to the original problems:

Has she ever been to a GYN for a check-up? As females we all have basically the same design, but there are differences.

A thought that comes to mind about "feeling": while the size of the condom may be affecting you, what the condom is made of or lubricated with may be affecting her. She may be having a mild reaction to the lubrication, latex, or spermicide. I will admit to sometimes getting a numbness with some condoms that my husband and I have tried in the past.

The only other advice I can offer (that I don't think anyone has) is to get a sex aid (aka: vibrator or toy) and experiment with it. Not only can you use it to help find a position that works for you, but you can use it to try out different types of condoms to see if they might be part of the problem.

[new123]

Thank you for your suggestions Cat, I didn't realize the condom may be affecting her to that great of an extent.

I believe she has been to a GYN for a check up. Before going to one specifically about this issue I think we would like to try a few more times.

[shazamataz]

I had to spread the rep Cat but great post, I also have problems with the lubricant used on condoms and have to buy special brands.

[Cat1864]

I think it is one of the possible side-effects that most people over-look.

new123, good luck finding what works for you.