[HerOwnPath]

This is my first time using the help desk. I have read similar questions from women in situations like mine. The bottom line is... we put ourselves here.
26 months ago I began dating a man who, putting it lightly, misrepresented himself as "divorced". Not long after- under the direct question "Your still married aren't you?"- He folded. Long story short- His wife has contested this for more than 2 years. They had a trial and the visiting judge ruled against him saying that he did not have grounds. (Have to love New York State). He is afraid to tell his lawyers, the judge or his family that his depression led him dangerously close to suicide. Because of his job- he would not let these facts be known. He has been through 3 attorneys and now feels that his only option is to move to Nevada to establish residency and pray that she does not fly out there to contest. His wife is very accustomed to a posh lifestyle and is spending money, racking up credit cards, having MAJOR renovations done to their home and states that she will not divorce him because "God has not told her to sign." She forces their children to read bible verses on adultery, keeps placing photos up of her and her husband and writes and reads a love note to her husband in the presence of the children. This is, no doubt, giving them false hope. No one can move on in this mess and the attorneys say that there is nothing they can do. It seems crazy that a judge would force him to stay married after living more than 2 years outside of the house. I do not want to sound foolish, however, is there more he can do? I feel that he should have been more aggressive and have growing seeds of doubt that he is going through the motions to please me and not really behind the divorce at all.
I am about to ask him to leave until he gets his life straightened out. I just don't want to unjustly place blame if NY contested divorces are really this challenging.

[ScottGem]

From:
Divorce Support - New York Divorce Laws

The court may dissolve the marriage on any of the following grounds:
(1) The cruel and inhuman.
(2) Abandonment for 1 or more years,
(3) Imprisionment for at least 3 years.
(4) Adultery.
(5) Living separate and apart for at least 1 year.


If she has been fighting this for 2 years I assume they have been living apart for that long. So he would qualify under (5) and I doubt if she can contest it. If she refused the court would grant a default divorce.


By the way, I understand its your first time posting, but you need to pay attention to posting guidelines. This was moved from the Introductions forum which is clearly marked as NOT for questions.

[HerOwnPath]

I appreciate ScottGem's advice (and my apologies for any inconvenience my posting caused you... by posting a question in introductions) However, he would qualify for "living apart for one year" or #5 ONLY under a signed separation agreement- She refuses to sign.

[ScottGem]

I'm not sure that's the case. I don't believe a spouse can tie up a divorce forever just by refusing to sign. That would make a mockery of the law. I believe, if he can show that he has been living apart (rent receipts, utility receipts) for more than a year, he can get a default divorce granted. Does he have a divorce attorney?

[cdad]

Who is paying for the home and remodleling etc ? Who pays the bills to keep the house running ?

[HerOwnPath]

To answer ScottGem- Yes, he has a divorce attorney who is one of "the best" but is still spinning his wheels.
To answer califdadof3- He is paying 1276.00 monthly in child support. She still lives in the home. She claims to have been given money for the large remodel and even went so far as to forge his name on a vehicle title that required signatures by both to sell. The attorney's told him that there was nothing they could do about that - It was civil. Check out how NYS does, indeed, make a mockery of the law when it comes to divorce. They are VERY different than other states. It seems unconstitutuional to me. I fear for his well being and his girls that he continues to be held in a marriage that is so damaging. I came home today to find that good man in tears. He feels he has no choice but to quit his job and move.

[cdad]

That's an odd number to be paying as " child support ". How did he come up with that ? Also if they are still married then its most likely not child support but a house payment.

[ScottGem]

even went so far as to forge his name on a vehicle title that required signatures by both to sell. The attorney's told him that there was nothing they could do about that - It was civil. .

Did you hear the attorney say that? Forgery is criminal. He can press criminal charges for it.

[HerOwnPath]

As far as forgery being criminal... I know. I have been a police officer for 10 years. Very frustrating and I agree on the odd number for "child support" - She has managed to take gim to support court while agreeing to nothing. It's like she has folded her arms and pulled her hat down over her eyes. I just don't understand.

[HerOwnPath]

25% of income for 2 children...

[cdad]

25% of income for 2 children...

Where did this number come from ?

http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0oGkmYURZ...Worksheets.pdf

[HerOwnPath]

In New York State- it is ordered that 17% of income is giving to the custodial parent for 1 child and 25% for two.

[cdad]

So it doesn't appear that it is a court ordered amount. Or is it ?

[HerOwnPath]

It is court ordered- He has been to support court and she actually ended up with less by petitioninh him. He had a preliminary appearance (before the support hearing) before one of our most respected family court judges and she would not hear the case because they already had a trial in which no appeal was filed. I think that by allowing him to live here I am enabling him to drag his feet.

[cdad]

In being that it is court ordered then it shows a separation. That being the grounds for granting a divorce. So depending on how long it was court ordered then it shows history. There is the proof you need for getting the divorce done.

[HerOwnPath]

His attorney's don't see the obvious like us.